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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to tell my manager that i'm prengant by email?

71 replies

onemiddlefinger · 15/12/2014 14:21

I need to leave for a antenatal appointment in about 5 min and wanted to tell him before that I was pregnant and going to leave early for an appointment, but somehow didn't catch him earlier (ok I was putting it off), now I can hear him talking to another colleague but I now can't wait anymore, plus I find it easier to write in an email....
Is it weird?
It's my second pregnancy and I somehow feel a bit quilty... (he wasn't my boss the first time)

OP posts:
Original poster
onemiddlefinger · 15/12/2014 14:56

I have already left and i put it all in the email as well as an apology that i wasnt able to catch him earlier in person.
I admit i can be a bit clueless sometimes about social and workplace etiquette... L

OP posts:
Original poster
onemiddlefinger · 15/12/2014 14:57

I plan to go and see him first thing tomorrow though and apologise again, (hopefully i will stil have a job)

OP posts:
flowery · 15/12/2014 14:58

Good grief. YABUand unprofessional.

Yet another example of the kind of behaviour that gets pregnant women in the workplace a bad name.

Employers have all sort of obligations towards pregnant women and parents now, and have to be careful not to discriminate, and quite rightly so.

But really, this is the sort of thing that gets eyes rolling, and in a less-than-enlightened workplace, causes managers to hesitate before offering young women a job.

flowery · 15/12/2014 14:59

X posts, glad you're going to go and see him and apologise.

raltheraffe · 15/12/2014 15:05

"Well all the time i spent on mn, he was talking to another colleague."

WTF? Your boss was speaking to a colleague about a work related matter and you think that justifies you coming on MN?

This has to be a wind up.

UncleT · 15/12/2014 15:07

Leaving work without obtaining proper prior authority is more of an issue than telling the boss you're pregnant by email.

Original poster
onemiddlefinger · 15/12/2014 15:15

ralteraffe,
I mentioned this as to explain why i didn't use the time instead to speak to him,
Btw, where you there that you know what they were talking about

OP posts:
Original poster
onemiddlefinger · 15/12/2014 15:19

I'm at the appointment and boss has replied by saying congratulations and take care. So even thought i fucked up i seemed to have got away with it this time. I have definitely learned a lesson

OP posts:
Fallingovercliffs · 15/12/2014 15:19

It all depends on the type of workplace; the OP's role and level of autonomy; and the boss's management style.
In some situations it wouldn't be that big a deal for someone to say 'Hi, I'm just dashing off to a medical appointment. I've emailed you that report and am hoping to talk to some of the stakeholders tomorrow...' etc etc/

In others, there would be strict rules and protocol around time off for personal appointments, notice to be given and so on.

SuperFlyHigh · 15/12/2014 15:26

I'd be extremely pissed off if you told me by email that you were pregnant...

the medical appointment which ties in with you being pregnant it's polite to give notice either way if you are pregnant or not.

The only reason to not give much notice for a medical appointment if it is an emergency.

You seem to think it is ok to either just mention the pregnancy in passing (I have no idea how large your company is etc or the implications therein) but also to be given carte blanche to take appointments whenever you like simply because you are pregnant.

excuse me for reading it like this but this is entirely how it comes across to me!

SuperFlyHigh · 15/12/2014 15:32

OP - I wouldn't have thought "I'd have got away with it this time" by what you say...

even with new legislation in there are a few firms who behave improperly re pregnant staff.

If I were you I'd give plenty of proper notice re future appointments so they have nothing to pull you up on whatsoever.

SuperFlyHigh · 15/12/2014 15:34

Falling - there are NO companies (even public sector) where you can dash off for 5 minute notice for appointments.

In fact even if its the done thing to give hardly any notice the polite thing (and it takes 5 minutes) is to give notice. It also sets a good example to the rest of the office.

SuperFlyHigh · 15/12/2014 15:34

sorry NO companies that I know of not none at all period etc...!

storminabuttercup · 15/12/2014 15:43

I think without knowing the ops job and how her office works it's hard to say she is being unreasonable. I have just started a new job and my boss made it clear I don't have to tell him where I am or what I'm doing aa long as my work is done. So the notice thing is no biggie, if I was going to my first antenatal appt, so the booking in one is probably keep it quiet and explain onceid been and been checked over etc.

Fallingovercliffs · 15/12/2014 15:47

Well I've worked in a few Super where it would be okay in certain types of roles.
In my job I can text in and say 'I'm working from home today'. There would equally not be any problem if I suddenly dashed off to an appointment, as long as I didn't leave something urgent sitting on my desk or not ask someone to keep an eye on something that might need to be moved on later in the day.

PortofinoVino · 15/12/2014 15:49

I didn't know you COULD get pregnant by email Grin

KidLorneRoll · 15/12/2014 15:49

It really does depend on the office and the type of work you do. I essentially manage my own workload and deal direct with clients, and if I felt like I needed to be out of the office and I had the time to spare half the time I don't even need to tell anyone. My manager would only know if he actually looked at my timesheet rather than auto-approving it.

Littlef00t · 15/12/2014 15:52

Does no one on this thread have a role where they have their own work and are responsible for meeting deadlines and managing their workloads without impacting on others?

Although notice is professional, I could have done as op did with no trouble at all.

I would have probably emailed to say medical appt but will pick up with you when I'm back in, and told about pregnancy face to face.

Fallingovercliffs · 15/12/2014 15:56

Obviously it's not fair to just go off and leave people in the lurch, or wondering where you are because they need to work with you on something or somesuch.

But it's also annoying if you work somewhere where every move has to be accounted for regardless of the nature of your work, or whether or not it impacts on others if you're not there.

If your work has clearly defined deadlines, involves working a lot on your own initiative and it would be blindingly obvious if you weren't doing what you're paid to do, then I don't think you should have to ask permission everytime you need to take an odd hour off here and there, or give two weeks notice.

amicissimma · 15/12/2014 15:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

raltheraffe · 15/12/2014 16:01

I do not care what he was talking about, he was talking to a colleague while you were on MN.

Just going on MN alone would get you in a disciplinary for wasting time at work, and a second disciplinary for not notifying of a routine appointment.

raltheraffe · 15/12/2014 16:02

You have a very understanding boss, I would have hit the bloody roof.

PulpsNotFiction · 15/12/2014 16:06

Must be a Hotmail account Grin

Dirty bastards.

PulpsNotFiction · 15/12/2014 16:07

Proper laughing at 'even if your names Mary'

Brilliant.

pressone · 15/12/2014 16:09

We work shifts so I would expect one of my staff to notify me by e-mail. If they told me in person I would congratulate them (if appropriate), advise them on PEEPs and Pregnancy RAs and answer any questions they had but still ask them to confirm it by e-mail with EDD ( I have over 400 staff, approx 10 are pregnant at any given time so it wouldn't do to get confused).

I would no tbe impressed to be notified of pregnancy and ante natal appt within minutes of the person leaving early, and I would be having an interview without coffe with anyone on MN, facebook, twitter etc at work (some staff are already on written warnings for this)