Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To think it is rude to be early?

66 replies

MonsoonAlan · 14/12/2014 22:56

Another mum was picking up dd. She knew we had other friends over. I said she could pick dd up 3pm, she turned up at 2.45pm. Because that was when she wanted too. Aibu to think this is as rude as being late?

OP posts:

limitedperiodonly · 15/12/2014 10:58

I know someone who turns up either slightly early or on the dot and expects people to be ready to leave immediately. I'm not talking about spending 15 minutes faffing about. He expects you to be standing at the door with your coat and shoes on.

Now that's rude. I avoid accepting lifts from this person but the last time his wife insisted on doing me a 'favour' because we were going to the same place and she wouldn't think of me getting the bus.

He waited in the car with the engine running like a getaway driver while she knocked for me. She wailed: 'He hates waiting!' when I put on my coat and scarf and actually tried to help me put my shoes on and tie the laces like I was a toddler.

She then ran down the path. I walked. Slowly. He sulked for the whole journey. I got a cab home.

Fucking odd, the pair of them.

LittleDonkeyLeftie · 15/12/2014 11:15

YABU - I thought you were going to say someone was an hour or two early.

Lighten up!!

Fallingovercliffs · 15/12/2014 11:18

I assumed you were talking about friends arriving for dinner an hour early while you were still hovering the sitting room. But your mum arriving 15 minutes early to collect your DD?
You seriously need to chill.

Fallingovercliffs · 15/12/2014 11:19

'hoovering' the sitting room

cardibach · 15/12/2014 11:26

I'd always prefer someone to be early then late. I think lateness implies the late person values their time more than others but early shows a desire not to waste anyone's time. In either case, though, for casual social engagements, 15 minutes either way counts as on time - and I'm a notorious time freak!

VitalStollenFix · 15/12/2014 12:48

I think it's not on to be very early, but I wouldn't class 15 minutes as very early, tbh.

If you'd said she came an hour early, when you'd said that you were all busy at that time, then she would be wrong, but 15 minutes is nothing really, 15 minutes is what happens when you make sure you leave early enough in case of heavy traffic, detours, and all the other stuff that has the potential to make you late.

did you make her wait until 3pm?

I hate people being late and I hate being late. I find lateness just so rude. I must say it hadn't occurred to me that there are people who find 10 or 15 minutes ahead of time rude! It's good to know. I think I'll continue to plan properly to ensure I am not late, but just wait in the car until the agreed time. It's a minefield, isn't it?

gilmoregirl · 15/12/2014 13:04

I don't think YABU at all.

One of my friends is always early by 10-20 minutes. Often those last minutes are vital to me so I f be it really annoying snd stressful.

I am usually Frantically running around trying to tidy up or put makeup on so instead of being a gracious hostess I am flustered and shiny!

Being early is as rude as being late!

DejaVuAllOverAgain · 15/12/2014 13:12

Falling the OP said another mum not her mum.

OP in this case I don't think you're BU as you told the other mum that your DD wouldn't be available until 3pm.

DejaVuAllOverAgain · 15/12/2014 13:13

Just a thought but if a similar situation arises another time then say between 3 to 3.30 (or whatever the relevant time is) so she's less likely to arrive early.

LittleDonkeyLeftie · 15/12/2014 13:14

So gilmore if a friend was travelling for two/three hours to see you and and had the temerity to turn up ten minutes early you would leave them waiting outside? Or allow them in and be seething?

Even if people are local, traffic can make travel timings absolute guesswork.

Why are you frantically running around getting stuff ready just ten mins before poeple are due to arrive? I reckon the reckon most of us are sat down with a glass in our hand by then

PoppySausage · 15/12/2014 13:15

It depends really, but in this case, probably as you had explained the situation.

Mil is always early when we are going out and it is so annoying as she walks in and talks and talks and talks so I cannot get my head into getting ready - you know, the last minute have we got this and that

limitedperiodonly · 15/12/2014 13:27

It's the first time I've ever read a thread about timekeeping and seen people saying that habitually early people value their time more than yours.

Usually it's the other way around, but I agree. I've just never thought of it before.

If someone turned up for me 15 minutes early, I'd invite them in, offer them tea or coffee - which would be code for 'politely refuse, get it yourself or let me make it and accept the delay in my being ready' - and continue getting ready.

Being early by that margin wouldn't bother me and neither would being late by that margin.

It would really bother me though if they sat huffing and puffing and tried to chivvy me along. People do this.

My annoyance would increase relative to the amount of time ahead of schedule they turned up.

gilmoregirl · 15/12/2014 16:32

littledonkey said friend lives ten minutes away and is always early. If she was travelling for hours it would be completely different!

Perhaps I need to be more organised then but usually have so much yo do and so little time that I need every minute.

Original poster

MonsoonAlan · 15/12/2014 19:46

Interesting range of views! Thanks to those who understood why I was annoyed. We had visitors already arranged. This mum arranged an activity for her dd and mine at the same time, despite me saying dd was busy that day - I did agree to it provided times matched up. I said earliest dd would be available was 3pm (as I hoped our earlier visitors would have left by then) - actually I had shifted that from my original suggestion of 3.30 as the mum was worried about the activity she had booked. I think in the circumstance turning up at 2.45 was rude.

I don't hate this mum (whoever said that!), she is nice. That situation did annoy me though.

I just wondered if the general theory was early is rude too. Can't believe those with friends/family who turn up 1hr + early, v odd behaviour. Smacks of 'I heard the time you said but it doesn't suit my plans so I'll come at a time which suits me instead!'

Anyway, I won't post again. no idea if the mum is a mnetter so will let this drop off convo now.

Still not sure if Aibu but not sure I care either ;-)

OP posts:

Bunbaker · 15/12/2014 19:52

Sorry, but being 15 minutes early isn't rude. Lighten up.

elizadoeverything · 15/12/2014 20:06

I arrive a little early because the bus can make you so late and in my mind, that's worse. I'll hang around on the street outside for 5 minutes or so next time.

Flip

1 2 3