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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it is rude to be early?

66 replies

MonsoonAlan · 14/12/2014 22:56

Another mum was picking up dd. She knew we had other friends over. I said she could pick dd up 3pm, she turned up at 2.45pm. Because that was when she wanted too. Aibu to think this is as rude as being late?

OP posts:
thenightsky · 14/12/2014 23:30

15 mins early is neither here nor there.

Bloody MiL is always an hour early!

Dumpylump · 14/12/2014 23:31

Bil is always early, then moans that we're not ready.....drives me nuts!
It's turning into a ridiculous thing now, where I tell him half an hour later than whatever time we want him to appear.....and quite often he's still early! Confused

SoonToBeSix · 14/12/2014 23:35

Yabu and nasty.

mymoonandstars · 14/12/2014 23:35

YABU. I get the bus because I have a disability. I am always early for fear of being late due to unreliable transport. Does that make me rude?

Cooki3Monst3r · 14/12/2014 23:38

Yes, op IMO it is as rude to be early as it is late. Not on time, is not in time, in either direction.

However, I think 15 mins is just within the window of acceptability.

Personally I'm always late, so I would much rather someone was 15mins late than 15mins early.

bolshieoldcow · 14/12/2014 23:39

YANBU - you made it quite clear that your daughter was doing something else, but would be available from 3 onwards. I'd feel put out too.

It would be different if you had no other plans, in which case, early is okay (if unsettling). Did she apologise profusely?

Sparklingbrook · 14/12/2014 23:41

What was your DD doing in those vital 15 minutes?

ClumsyFool · 14/12/2014 23:44

It depends. I'd rather someone be a bit late than really early if going out as I hate being rushed or making people wait while I finish getting ready, but it also depends who it is. I have some friends over most weeks that I've known for nearly 20 years since we were in school, I don't even bother setting a time as it's fairly consistent and if they're early it doesn't matter as we've known each far too long to give a shit if I haven't finished cleaning up or whatever.

Either way though, I think 15 mins either side is still perfectly acceptable and I would be prepared to expect someone within that timescale. An hour early then fair enough that would irritate me but not 15 minutes.

If she was huffy about not being ready then that would be rude as you clearly said she wouldn't be ready til after 3pm but if she was perfectly happy to wait then I don't see an issue.

Summerisle1 · 14/12/2014 23:48

15 minutes really wouldn't bother me. It's neither here nor there.

I do happen to agree that repeated and extraordinarily early arrivers can come across as rude because they give the strong impression that your time is somehow less valuable than theirs. I have a friend who is appallingly early to everything - three quarters of an hour to an hour before the agreed time. Her excuse is usually "Well I was ready to leave the house so I didn't see any point in waiting any longer". It never seems to occur to her that anyone else might actually be busy.

SleepOhHowIMissYou · 15/12/2014 00:26

Agree, just as rude as being late. Perhaps more so. It's the same message, 'my time is more important than yours'.

For those that turn up more than 5 mins early for appointments, consider this. If, for example, your hairdresser wanted to take 5 mins between clients to have a coffee, check her email, have a wee, call her childminder, she can now no longer do this in a relaxed manner because the pressure of you sitting there waiting is unfairly put on her. A few minutes early is acceptable, as is being on time, or a few minutes late. Anything over a few minutes is not on.

You would call to warn someone if you were going to be late, why is it acceptable to disrupt other people's schedules by being too early? 'Guess what? What you're doing doesn't matter, it's all about me y'know, now accommodate me!'

sykadelic · 15/12/2014 03:03

Yeah I hate the early people. I'd prefer 15 mins late as I'm a notorious "last minute cleaner".

KeepAbreast · 15/12/2014 03:21

I'd rather someone be late than early. And I do think OP's friend was rude in this instance as OP had told her they would be busy until 3 - so it's not as if OP was sat in doing nothing and waiting for her.

KatieKaye · 15/12/2014 06:17

15 minutes early would not bother me but 15 minutes late would, unless it was exceptional circumstances.

CloserThanYesterday · 15/12/2014 06:55

I hate it when people are early.

I don't see why the op should have to accommodate her, include her in the conversation, make her a cup of tea as others have suggested. It would make that last 15 mins of whatever they were doing feel awkward and rushed.

If op was clear that her dd was busy until 3, then this lady should respect that. 15 mins is an unacceptable amount of time to be early or late, I think - I'd always call and check/apologise if there was any reason this was going to happen.

WilburIsSomePig · 15/12/2014 06:59

15 mins is nothing really but I generally dislike people being early.

Last year on Christmas Day PILS turned up an hour and ten mins early and I was bloody angry about that because we really were not ready. I was organising the last of the veg and hadn't even had my shower. MIL said 'it doesn't matter, we wanted to see DCs a bit earlier' (they were out for a walk anyway). It mattered to me though!

KneeQuestion · 15/12/2014 07:12

My Dad is notorious for being early, 'be there at 11am' becomes him turning up at 10:15 and then making comments about us not being ready.

I hate the pressue of trying to get ready with someone just sitting there.

It is very rude IMO.

splodgeses · 15/12/2014 07:30

I don't think in this instance it was particularly rude. You possibly would have been more incensed if she was 15 minutes late.
However, as you also asked in general whether it is rude... well that depends.
If you turn up for an appointment 10 minutes early ie at the estate agent for a spate of house viewings, it would probably be considered polite that you definitely made an effort to not be late... but half an hour early and it is almost as if you are devaluing their time. You are early and therefore your time is more important than theirs. Same probably goes for job interviews, banking appointments etc.
When it comes to more casual appointments, 10-20 minutes early is not unreasonable, an hour is.
It is very bizarre though that many people's perceptions on earliness will vary. Mine is as above, I wouldn't mind a friend who was coming over for lunch to be early. But, if you are the kind of 'by the seat of your pants' person who only gets dressed 2 minutes before you expect company, maybe you have a different view.

londonrach · 15/12/2014 07:35

Yabu. Being early is better than being late.

CatCushion · 15/12/2014 07:44

It depends. Was she rude? Did she stand at your front door and yell her DD's name and 'we're going now, get your coat, leave that (gift) stop that (planned activity) we have to go now!' like a fishwife for your whole street to hear? Or did she seem to want to spend a few minutes with you and offer to help tidy up?

Some children take 10-20 minutes to say goodbye and get ready to leave and if her DD is one of those, she was being helpful.

MissYamabuki · 15/12/2014 07:53

YANBU. It's as bad as being late IMO.

vitabrits · 15/12/2014 08:03

I think we need more information such as age of dd, what activity was she doing and going to do, who is the other woman and why don't you like her?

RufusTheReindeer · 15/12/2014 08:16

Good lord

I sometimes misjudge how long it's going to take me to drive somewhere depending on the traffic, I would probably be tempted to wait in the car but possibly not if it was cold and I had my child with me

I would be very apologetic but I would probably chance my arm rather than sitting outside and looking like a stalker

If I saw a friend or someone I was expecting outside I would invite them in

I do agree that 15 mins is pushing it a bit but 10 mins or so is fine

Osmiornica · 15/12/2014 08:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TooMuchCantBreathe · 15/12/2014 08:21

Early or late is rude, but I think 15 minutes either side is within bounds. 20 minutes early would be too much. Lateness would depend on the activity and agreement iyswim.

Sazzle41 · 15/12/2014 09:43

10/15mins early isnt rude in non business life. (And its standard courtesy/practice in corporate world - so you can get to the meeting room, get coffee and get the powerpoint set up before you officially kick it off).

But half an hour or 45mins early (or more is rude), in either business or non business.

Was it really that bad that she was early anyway - its so hard to judge traffic etc.