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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Got unfriended on facabook - please help me feel grown-up about it

75 replies

PrettyBelle · 14/12/2014 22:16

Well, my ballet instructor has recently posted a message on his page that he was going to make his FB page more private so will be removing some friends, don't take it personally, etc.

Today I noticed that he had unfriended me. I am not really his close friend so it was fine - until out of curiosity I checked his profile and saw that he kept on most of our class, including those who I know for a fact are not close to him either.

Now, this is not a personal thing as he is gay, but I just can't help feeling very upset. It took me a long time catching up with the level of his class so I guess I sort of got used to being not good enough. :( He knew I had been struggling, but he accepted me in the class and was always very encouraging, we go a few years back, and the irony is, I have always thought he was the best dancer ever and admired him wholeheartedly (again, purely professional). I realise this may sound childish but this de-friending feels like a betrayal of my good feelings.

I am staying on with the class as I enjoy it but feel hurt to the extent that even begrudge writing him a Christmas card now.

OP posts:

MrsGeorgeMichael · 15/12/2014 02:16

Phew!
Thought this was about me!
I did a bit of "defriending" admin today. Same as some of the posters above ie hadn't spoke to in a while and others who never engage in facebook ie never like photos, etc. Thought what was the point in being facebook "friends" if they are not interested in my life ( i probably only post about once a month incase anyone thinks i overshare! )

JapaneseMargaret · 15/12/2014 02:31

I have culled people who rarely post/never come up in my news feed.

I'm not a prolific FBer myself, but I don't like people being privy to my shiz, and never getting anything back in return.

It could just be something as innocuous as that. :)

Bulbasaur · 15/12/2014 05:05

I wouldn't worry about it, my facebook friends list ebbs and flows with the ever changing tide. My numbers fluctuate all the time, and most times I can barely tell who unfriended me.

mynewpassion · 15/12/2014 05:19

Join the club. Never thought I would be in this club but happy to join.

At least you are able to talk to him in real life. I'm not and I didn't even do anything except sit on the sidelines on a tiff between two of my friends.

Laugh it off because it use to be an exclusive club but more and more new members are joining everyday.

MokunMokun · 15/12/2014 06:37

Of course it's hurtful. I had someone block me. She then unblocked me. Probably didn't realise I had noticed. We were having lunch as a group and she mentioned that she had blocked people before in a really bragging way. I just avoided eye contact. The penny might have dropped because she's been avoiding me since. I don't particularly like her though. It's harder when you like someone.

I did unfriend someone recently. I got tired of his constant rants about Britian First and unfriending people who shared their posts. I don't like BF either but can't be bothered with ranty people.

NewEraNewMindset · 15/12/2014 06:53

Just to be clear, have you been in friended from his personal FB account but not from the group he set up for his students? Or are you blocked from the group one too?

If it's the group then I think he has made a mistake as that's his business and it would make no sense to stop your students accessing a group that you set up for them! If this is the case I would send him a friend request and ask to be reinstated so you can keep up with class information.

manchestermummy · 15/12/2014 06:56

I just unfollow fb irritants. Like SIL, for example.

A friend of mine texted a couple of months ago to tell me that she was going unfriend me. Sent another friend the same message. She said she didn't want to be friends with people of her hometown,:essentially. She lives in a gorgeous village and thinks we are too urban hence her cull. We were the only two she did this to. All others we kept. It was very strange.

WipsGlitter · 15/12/2014 07:01

I sent a friend request to someone and they didn't accept it which I thought was odd.

I recently defended two people. One never posted anything or liked or commented so I "assumed" she didn't use it. I know she did use it and Twitter but just to see what people were up to not to interact. The other again no interaction, so I thought feck it.

cheifbrody · 15/12/2014 07:52

I got unfriended by someone... I did not know for a while until i thought she has not said much latly so then when i looked realised she had unfriended me...

I know why because i dont always agree with her and i say so, she likes the people that agree with everything she says..

HEY HO whatever.......

I would not say anything like you have not even noticed ...

nottheOP · 15/12/2014 07:59

He might just not like you very much

HellKitty · 15/12/2014 08:26

Have to agree, he might not like you much - harsh as it sounds!

It could be anything though. Maybe your rugby links were more frequent than you thought, which is beyond dull for someone who doesn't like the game. You might have tagged him too much, you might have the glitch that sends out umpteen game requests. I have a friend always liking and sharing pages purely to win competitions. That's pretty annoying. I've hidden a friend due to her constant animal cruelty links and I've been blocked by a Christian family who object to me devil worshipping ways - big lol. My oldest and best friend comes across as pretty boring and self righteous on FB and is nothing like that in RL. And I have a fb friend whose life is a constant miserable drama played out with about 7 statuses a day. Each one more depressing than the previous.

Ask him.

imonlydancing · 15/12/2014 08:47

It might be a reason you dont know about. Someone defriended me and I saw her in town after. She said she didnt want to do it but I am friends with a distant ex of hers and she didnt want him to see any of her updates I might like or share etc. Perfectly reasonable. YANBU to feel a bit hurt.

MokunMokun · 15/12/2014 08:51

Oh, don't say that to the poor OP!! I'm sure he doesn't dislike you but perhaps sees you as a student more than a friend.

It sounds like you really enjoy the class so try not to let this marr things for you.

wasitsomethingisaid · 15/12/2014 10:07

Someone I know took ten selfies in a day. TEN! I wouldn't mind but each one was in EXACTLY THE SAME POSE. So that's ten identical photos of herself in one day then

wasitsomethingisaid · 15/12/2014 10:09

But back to the point, sometimes people just reduce numbers it doesn't mean that they do not like you, maybe they never see you? Or you don't like/comment on their posts at all?

People are getting more security concious recently on facebook, so it might be as a result of that?

Maybe you inadvertantly offended him once?

DoJo · 15/12/2014 10:14

How do people even know they have been 'unfriended'?

HellKitty · 15/12/2014 10:37

Wasit!! I think she might be on mine!

Elllimam · 15/12/2014 10:48

Oh dear I totally sympathise, I hate when I notice I've been unfriended on Facebook :( it's stupid but it does really upset me. My brothers fiancé unfriended me and my husband and I was really taken aback :(

krystellie · 15/12/2014 10:56

I think unfriending is rather harsh, unless someone's done something to really annoy you, or is an ex or a friend of an ex, etc. Especially now there's the 'hide' function, so you don't have to see people who post things you don't like.

A former colleague unfriended me just after I left my previous job which I thought was a tad harsh as I always thought we got on well. Obviously not!

But life's far too short to worry about people you don't really know that well on Facebook.

ChoochiWoo · 15/12/2014 11:07

"Now, this is not a personal thing because he is gay" ...haha brilliant, do the gays not get personal?

Original poster

PrettyBelle · 15/12/2014 12:14

Re the gay thing - maybe I didn't phrase it correctly, I just meant to say that I am not after him in a romantic sense whatsoever.

Thank you for all your views and feedback, all very enlightening. In my situation though, I do know him well outside of Facebook, and see him every week, and because I am one of the "older" members of his class (i.e. have been there longest) the group of us usually have a chat before or after the class. We exchange cards and presents, we do projects outside the class, so it's not like it's strictly business.

He is quite peculiar as a person whereas he thinks that I am serious. So maybe he didn't want serious people to see what crazy things he's been up to.

I don't post about rugby or anything that often, maybe once in 2 weeks, never send invites or ask to like smth and don't tag him. My FB page is probably the most innocent you would find.

Whatever his reasons, I won't bother asking or wondering. FWIW, it helps me to see this person in a more adequate way now, I had a too high opinion of him. Not giving a damn feels much better.

OP posts:

ThereIsAPartridgeInTheKitchen · 15/12/2014 13:35

I think it was obvious what the OP meant when she said it wasn't personal.

merlehaggard · 15/12/2014 21:18

So did I.

poocatcherchampion · 16/12/2014 08:02

this thread has reminded me I need to do a friend cull.

Bambambini · 16/12/2014 08:16

I try to keep my "friends" down so unfriend folk every now and again. It's usually nothing personal at all but unless you are close to me, I might see you again in the future and if you interact with me - then you usually go. I've friended old old acquaintances and school friends etc to say hello and then defriended them some time later.

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