Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Got unfriended on facabook - please help me feel grown-up about it

75 replies

PrettyBelle · 14/12/2014 22:16

Well, my ballet instructor has recently posted a message on his page that he was going to make his FB page more private so will be removing some friends, don't take it personally, etc.

Today I noticed that he had unfriended me. I am not really his close friend so it was fine - until out of curiosity I checked his profile and saw that he kept on most of our class, including those who I know for a fact are not close to him either.

Now, this is not a personal thing as he is gay, but I just can't help feeling very upset. It took me a long time catching up with the level of his class so I guess I sort of got used to being not good enough. :( He knew I had been struggling, but he accepted me in the class and was always very encouraging, we go a few years back, and the irony is, I have always thought he was the best dancer ever and admired him wholeheartedly (again, purely professional). I realise this may sound childish but this de-friending feels like a betrayal of my good feelings.

I am staying on with the class as I enjoy it but feel hurt to the extent that even begrudge writing him a Christmas card now.

OP posts:
LadyLuck10 · 14/12/2014 22:57

Maybe he just doesn't like stuff you post. Nothing wrong with that.

ThereIsAPartridgeInTheKitchen · 14/12/2014 22:59

Judging by threads on here I think I must be the only person in the world who doesn't care when I get unfriended on Facebook. I mean, it's Facebook, not real life.

CaulkheadUpNorth · 14/12/2014 23:04

The only certainty in all this is how you think of him. You have no idea why he is still friends with others, because you don't know what the relationship he might have with them outside of ballet is like.

Put it down as one of life's mysterious and move on.

Original poster
PrettyBelle · 14/12/2014 23:05

MalibuStacy, most of the posts on my FB page would be actually related to his ballet class (group messages with other girls, photos from our social outings, his own messages about performances which he asks us to like and share). A picture of my children once in 6 months from birthday party or smth. A few links to BBC Sport stories about rugby (maybe he is not a fan :)).

OP posts:
Original poster
PrettyBelle · 14/12/2014 23:06

Facebook is filled with real people so it feels pretty real to me.

OP posts:
TheRealMaryMillington · 14/12/2014 23:08

Oh he's set up a group.
He wants that to be the way he has a social media relationship to his students, on the whole.
That seems entirely appropriate (my yoga teacher has this)

Perhaps he has other "random" students as friends because he has had a longer or different relationship with them, or perhaps because they haven't joined the group yet, or because he hasn't finished moving them over - whatever - it has nothing to do with you!

Honestly - don't let it upset you, in fact don't give it a moment's thought, I doubt he has.

Aeroflotgirl · 14/12/2014 23:08

Yes I totally get you op, it is like a form of rejection. I got unfriended by this girl I used to know at school, all other people who went to the school are still on her list. I don't air dirty laundry on FB, don't like UKIP or Britain First.

You enjoy his class, just keep things professional, and Keko going to the class if you still like it!

Aeroflotgirl · 14/12/2014 23:09

Keep going, I meant

ThereIsAPartridgeInTheKitchen · 14/12/2014 23:09

Sure they're real people. But so many people BS on there to make themselves look good.

springalong · 14/12/2014 23:14

Even worse I got blocked by someone recently on facebook. That is a pain as it impacts all the conversations on local sites. Makes them seem really odd as there are bits missing. Now that is annoying.

BlessedAndGr8fulNoInLaws4Xmas · 14/12/2014 23:22

One sentence.

Life is too short to care about FB.

Take it on the chin, dust yourself down and get back up again.

He clearly does not invest as much in this as you do - so you can either carry on ruminating about it or move on .

treaclesoda · 14/12/2014 23:34

There is no point getting worked up about facebook. For so many reasons.

People who post in advance that they are going to have a cull are often looking for a bit of drama anyway.

Also, facebook is a huge site and there are glitches in it. I had two people disappear from my friends list who queried why I had unfriended them, when in fact I hadn't - I thought that they had unfriended me. And I have had people send friend requests that I never received, and again wonder why I refused them. It is riddled with all sorts of little glitches.

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 14/12/2014 23:38

I can see why it would upset you if he's kept other random students and unfriended you. But it might be that he is going too but hasn't got round to it yet.

Or he interacts more with them because they post more on there than you do. I have unfriended folk because they were just never on there. Never commented or liked anything I or anyone else posted on there so I couldn't see the point in keeping them.

A family member once deactivated her account and I texted her to see if she was ok. Replied with yes, I'm just having a break. Fair dos I think. Well a few weeks later I don't know what made me look down her sisters friends list and there she was!! She'd set up another account under a different name and not added me. Wtaf!?! I still don't have a clue why as we'd not fallen out. Now that felt like rejection.

I'm over it now. My attitude towards her now is Fuck you! Would've been nice to keep in touch but she chose not too. Try not to dwell on it, op the hurt feeling will wear off xxx

Staywithme · 14/12/2014 23:44

I got unfriended today and have went through my friend list to see who it was. For the life of me I have no idea who it is, so obviously they haven't had much of an impact on my life. Grin

Idiotdh · 14/12/2014 23:48

At first I never de friended anyone . Then a couple of years ago I had too many friends for privacy sake and de friended anyone who I hadn't physically seen or met up with or messaged/liked stuff etc for six months..I soon got into it and DFed about 120 people. Sometimes I forget even who and think we are still friends.

babewiththepower · 14/12/2014 23:49

Ok, I got unfriended by a girl I met at a party who was friends with my DH. She requested me. She deleted me a month later. Then she requested me again after the next party. I accepted. Then deleted me again. Then she became close to another mutual friend and added me again. I never accepted and the friend request remains unanswered.

I basically thought she was was fickle and it was no reflection on me, which I think might help you cope with the rejection. There is nothing wrong with you. Some people just don't want to share their FB lives. And that's fine. Move on :)

ClumsyFool · 14/12/2014 23:54

You say you barely use it so it could have been that because you don't really interact with each other on it, that there was no point really and that you probably wouldn't even notice or be bothered. Whatever the reason though, it's his choice and nothing you can do besides accepting it. Facebook can be taken far too seriously. When I see some of the personal stuff people put on it makes me cringe! Focus your time and concerns on your real friends and family, people who actually value you, and continue to enjoy your ballet for what it is.

Summerisle1 · 14/12/2014 23:55

but I see the person every week and will find it difficult acting friendly to someone who is apparently not feeling friendly towards me.

I always think there's a huge difference between friendship in real life and what passes for it on Facebook. Don't make the mistake of thinking that just because he's removed you on FB that he isn't, in fact, feeling friendly towards you in real life.

If you hardly use Facebook then you'll hardly notice he's gone, will you?

1944girl · 15/12/2014 00:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

debbriana · 15/12/2014 00:10

I had to reply to this as I could not stop laughing. It seems like you have a feeling for this person. It could be in a friendship way. The attachment is there.
All I kept on thinking was boohoo! It just sounded childish.

Grow up. It's Facebook for goodness sake.

debbriana · 15/12/2014 00:15

The more I read the comments the more it annoys me even more. Please grow up. Stop attaching yourself to people and also what other people think of you.

Fanfeckintastic · 15/12/2014 00:28

It annoys me when people say "it's only Facebook" as if it's a totally different realm and not in fact the actual people behind these profiles but in fact some robots.

I can see why you'd find it hurtful, I discovered my boss had deleted me one day and we got on great, I found it really weird still having the same chats etc so one day I jokingly mentioned it and he said Oh yeah I did that when we had that out of anger when we had that disagreement over x! We ended up having a laugh over the ridiculousness of the whole thing. Yes it is "only Facebook", but I know what you mean.

Also really weird when the "only Facebook" stuff gets thrown out when it comes to people having rants on it, spouting horrid views etc. How is sharing this stuff on Facebook any different from standing on a podium with a megaphone?

loveblackcats · 15/12/2014 00:49

lol what?

Lovecat · 15/12/2014 01:08

How do you know you've been unfriended, though staywithme, if you can't actually work out who it is? I have no idea how many FB friends I have in total, are there people out there who keep count and know if their 'score' moves down?

A friend of mine on FB has been defriended by a number of mutual friends as she has very little sense of humour and always wades in wagging her finger and cutting and pasting screeds from the Human Rights act or whatever piece of legislation is pertinent to the (generally jokey) comments others have made.

She gets ridiculously upset over this, and has actually posted on her wall berating people who defriend her and demanding to know why. The last one was several years ago and she is still stewing over it.

I'm sure I've been defriended and not even realised it by people I've little or no interaction with on a day to day basis (I'm in a drama group and people often come and go for shows, we may be great friends for the run, but afterwards never see each other again). As long as you're still in the public group about the dance school, I don't see that it's the personal slap in the gob that you're taking it to be. You do sound a little over-invested in him, tbh.

sykadelic · 15/12/2014 01:40

OP -I do understand why you're upset. It feels like a personal insult because people you didn't think he was close to are still "friends" with him and you're not... like "what's wrong with me?"

As others said, it could be that he hasn't finished removing people. Could also be that he doesn't recognise their names. I occasionally go through and remove people and find out later that I've forgotten some.

End of the day, now you know where you stand with him at least!