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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this woman overreacted?

112 replies

Theluckiestagain · 14/12/2014 19:45

Took dcs to see Santa today. Think 'naice' middle-class, National Trust type venue. Was ticketed so we turned up at the allotted time with approx 20 other kids & respective parents / grandparents.

They usher us in to a room, kids sit on floor, adults on chairs around room. So far, so lovely. Kids all very excited. Most adults taking pics of their kids and Santa. A woman then pipes up VERY loudly 'Do NOT take pictures of my child!!' to an older guy across the room. The man says that he was just taking pics of his granddaughter not the woman's child. She says, very aggressively 'I do NOT give you permission to take photos of my child!!! Stop it immediately!!'

The bloke taking pics looked very bemused and reiterated that he was taking a pic of his grandchild. To be honest, it was very dark in the room and judging by the angle, he would probably have got the back of his grandchild's head. The woman's child wasn't really in shot. He said this and the woman just shouted at him more. He got rather upset, said he was leaving before he got cross then it all looked like it was kicking off. My DH (ever the peacemaker) said that they were spoiling what should be a lovely event for the kids, couldn't we act like adults? The older man left to find his wife, visibly upset and angry. The shouty woman then sat looking like someone had taken a shit in her handbag for the whole event.

There was a horrible, strained atmosphere until Santa stepped up and then it was all about the kids anyway.

Now, before you say it, I immediately thought about adoption/child protection issues (I work in a school, this is par for the course). But this woman was so aggressive, seemed like she just wanted a fight. She turned a lovely, innocent event into a near bloody fight.

The event guide actually thanked DH for diffusing the situation afterwards but I felt really sorry for the older bloke. I saw him and his family outside later....he looked bloody angry and shook up. The shouty lady was seen leaving her kids (aged about 9 and 6) to charge around unattended while she had a mulled wine and listened to carols.

I have just realised how dreadfully middle class this is, but if I'm honest, I immediately thought of MN when this happened. Who was BU in this situation?

OP posts:

MrsMcRuff · 15/12/2014 10:15

It increases the risk to a child because photos often don't stay private these days. If a photo goes on Facebook they could be seen and recognised and someone who is a danger to them could discover which area they are in and potentially who they are living with.

When this is the case, (and it must be an awful situation to be in), what happens when the child is old enough to be going out and about on their own, to parties etc, where they get tagged on photos? Teenagers practically live through FB and social media, and must get photographed hundreds of times.

Mama1980 · 15/12/2014 10:24

I am one of those people with adopted children with high security risk so I have to say no to loads of pictures...however she was totally unreasonable, I would simply have removed my child or if absolutely necessary asked him politely to not take it and explain. She sounds unhinged!
Incidentally my eldest is 17 she is well aware of the risks, she uses a fake name on social media one that only those close to her know and does not post pictures of herself, and gets friends who do to take them down. She manages to use it easily and all the time just omits the photos bit not a issue for her.

RojaGato · 15/12/2014 10:34

I think I met her out shopping last week, charging about like she was in a tank. She backed someone into a wall then shouted at her to move out of the way "You've got to move, you've got to move!".

Wish someone had battered her in the carpark.

BuzzardBirdRoast · 15/12/2014 10:48

I would have battered her in a chip shop

Mrsjayy · 15/12/2014 10:58

She sounds a loon serious issues going on and tbh a famous child would go somewhere better

Goldmandra · 15/12/2014 11:23

Genuine question re the child protection angle; how does appearing in the background of a random strangers photo increase the risk to the child? I realise I must be missing something but I don't quite understand.

I can quite imagine that, if a child is wearing a school/pre-school/sports club uniform or similar, especially one carrying a logo, it could make it easy for someone they had been removed from to find them.

However, a photo taken in civvies at a National Trust property is unlikely to give anyone a clue as to their whereabouts at another time even if they were, by some fluke, recognised in the back of some randomer's family photos.

BuzzardBirdRoast · 15/12/2014 11:55

A lot of photos posted on FB have the location tagged onto them though so in a CP case you could identify where the child is.

XmasTimeMammariesandWine · 15/12/2014 11:57

She sounds like an AIBU poster tbh

Goldmandra · 15/12/2014 12:00

A lot of photos posted on FB have the location tagged onto them though so in a CP case you could identify where the child is.

You could identify where the child visited Father Christmas which, TBF, is a very poor indicator of where the child lives as many people travel some distance to do this.

WannaBe · 15/12/2014 12:08

yabu for not taking a picture of the child in question op and posting here so that by the time we'd all read this thread and commented on it.... the child would be famous!

unlucky83 · 15/12/2014 12:21

As others have said she may well have had good reason -just handled it badly...
And part of the problem is social media, facebook etc...
I'm slightly annoyed that another parent took photos of the primary Christmas show and put them on facebook and I don't have any child protection worries. Our school lets you take photos/video the show but I can see this leading to a ban if others get upset. All the photos have more than their child in them, some don't even have their child in...(you can only see the back of mine's head in them.) I know another mother was upset that a photo of her children from an activity a few years ago was put on someone's facebook page - my DD1(13) image is on facebook too -not uploaded herself, no one has asked her permission. A similar thing happened at a guide camp - some of the girls were fooling around taking the opportunity to be childish and someone put the video on youtube - to stop them feeling inhibited all mobiles/cameras etc have now been banned....

GooseyLoosey · 15/12/2014 12:25

My sympahties are with the grandfather.

See, if someone asks me something with politeness and courtesy, I will respond in kind. So, if her first request had been polite and then followed up with an explanation, she would have got what she wanted as I am a reasonable person and have no wish to upset or offend anyone.

If she started by shouting at me and followed it up by being agressive, I would have asked her to stop shouting at me and then ignored her and asked the event organisers to remove her if she continued. Sometimes, people make it hard to be polite to them.

The grandfather was very good to have left when he did to prevent a "situation" arising. If I had seen him afterwards, I would have told him he was in the right in the hope that it would make him feel better.

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