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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this woman overreacted?

112 replies

Theluckiestagain · 14/12/2014 19:45

Took dcs to see Santa today. Think 'naice' middle-class, National Trust type venue. Was ticketed so we turned up at the allotted time with approx 20 other kids & respective parents / grandparents.

They usher us in to a room, kids sit on floor, adults on chairs around room. So far, so lovely. Kids all very excited. Most adults taking pics of their kids and Santa. A woman then pipes up VERY loudly 'Do NOT take pictures of my child!!' to an older guy across the room. The man says that he was just taking pics of his granddaughter not the woman's child. She says, very aggressively 'I do NOT give you permission to take photos of my child!!! Stop it immediately!!'

The bloke taking pics looked very bemused and reiterated that he was taking a pic of his grandchild. To be honest, it was very dark in the room and judging by the angle, he would probably have got the back of his grandchild's head. The woman's child wasn't really in shot. He said this and the woman just shouted at him more. He got rather upset, said he was leaving before he got cross then it all looked like it was kicking off. My DH (ever the peacemaker) said that they were spoiling what should be a lovely event for the kids, couldn't we act like adults? The older man left to find his wife, visibly upset and angry. The shouty woman then sat looking like someone had taken a shit in her handbag for the whole event.

There was a horrible, strained atmosphere until Santa stepped up and then it was all about the kids anyway.

Now, before you say it, I immediately thought about adoption/child protection issues (I work in a school, this is par for the course). But this woman was so aggressive, seemed like she just wanted a fight. She turned a lovely, innocent event into a near bloody fight.

The event guide actually thanked DH for diffusing the situation afterwards but I felt really sorry for the older bloke. I saw him and his family outside later....he looked bloody angry and shook up. The shouty lady was seen leaving her kids (aged about 9 and 6) to charge around unattended while she had a mulled wine and listened to carols.

I have just realised how dreadfully middle class this is, but if I'm honest, I immediately thought of MN when this happened. Who was BU in this situation?

OP posts:
BigRedBall · 14/12/2014 20:56

Could it have been a famous child maybe? Off the top of my head.

ThereIsAPartridgeInTheKitchen · 14/12/2014 20:58

MelanieCheeks within her rights or not, was there really any need to start shouting? She could have just asked nicely. The OP has said that her child wasn't even in the shot.

ThereIsAPartridgeInTheKitchen · 14/12/2014 21:00

Hmm...but maybe the child was famous.

Grin
HoHonutty · 14/12/2014 21:01

I think the child is famous. I'm sure I've seen it on the telly.Grin

Actually I do think she was fair enough tbh, maybe she had a good reason.

vienna1981 · 14/12/2014 21:02

Spare us all the "famous child "shit please. It's been done to death.

ThereIsAPartridgeInTheKitchen · 14/12/2014 21:04

Actually I do think she was fair enough tbh, maybe she had a good reason.

Maybe she did have a good reason and of course she has every right not to want her child's picture taken. She should have just asked nicely though instead of immediately jumping in and shouting at the poor man. It's odd though that she chose him to shout at instead of all the other parents who were taken photos.

The OP has said her child wasn't even in the shot so who she would even think that he was taking a photo of her child is beyond me.

ThereIsAPartridgeInTheKitchen · 14/12/2014 21:05

That was meant to be taking photos and why she would even think...

MrsMcRuff · 14/12/2014 21:11

Spare us all the "famous child "shit please. It's been done to death.

If we weren't allowed to post stuff that's been 'done to death', MN would cease to exist. Grin

BigRedBall · 14/12/2014 21:19

Who pissed on your chips vienna1981. Moody Margaret.

I think the child was famous. Yep. Famous child. Child star.

Riverland · 14/12/2014 21:20

Gosh, what a ott response from shouty lady!

Call me old fashioned, but I can't help wondering if perhaps the child was famous.

Just a thought.

WorraLiberty · 14/12/2014 21:22

I think the child's unlikely to be famous

Unless the gran was thick as shit and thought drawing attention to a famous child, in a room full of people with cameras was a great idea...

MrsMcRuff · 14/12/2014 21:24

Will probably get flamed for this, but might the child have been famous?

Brittapieandchips · 14/12/2014 21:26

Maybe she would have preferred him to ask for an autograph... Grin

Riverland · 14/12/2014 21:27

I wonder if shouty lady doesn't know correct protocol around famous children being photographed.

That could be the answer!

She was probably poorly briefed on how to prevent famous child from being paparazzied.

She may have missed the briefing entirely, ie been out eating mince pies, or just been mentally distracted, thinking the topic had been done to death.

Who knows? These things remain shrouded in mystery.

Tricky being the guardian of a famous child.

Shockers · 14/12/2014 21:35

Thing is, you wouldn't want a random child in the background of your lovely photo of your grandchild anyway, would you?

Unless the child was famous...

aermingers · 14/12/2014 21:35

She might not have asked particularly nicely. But by the same token when she asked, even though it was not done pleasantly, the man taking the pictures should have replied that he would make sure that her child was not in shot. The fact he said 'I'm taking pictures of my grandchild' doesn't really change the fact that the girl's mother did not want her in any pictures and she has a right to request that people don't do it. He should really just have said, okay, I will make sure I don't get her in any shots, rather than dismissing her.

I suspect it's more to do with child protection issues, possibly she is a foster child and possibly at risk, if she is local there could be a very real danger that she could be seen on social media if the photo is posted and possibly tracked down.

People might scoff but I personally know a family who have a child who was involved in a very high profile court case which has a lot of weirdos following it online and they have to try very hard to make sure that he isn't pictured anywhere and people can't identify him, so there can be people for whom it could pose a real risk.

But yes, even if the request is not made in a very nice way the response is 'I will make sure I don't photograph your child'. Not 'I'm photographing my grandchild, not her'. It doesn't matter if you're photographing your grandchild, if the child is in shot their parents have the right to ask you not to.

BigRedBall · 14/12/2014 21:36

I bet shouty woman's famous child was butt ugly anyway!

GirlsWhoWearGlasses · 14/12/2014 21:39

I admit to some sympathy for the woman. It's not safe for my DD to have her photo taken. I feel like such an arse saying not to take her photo that the minute a camera appears I get all tense and panicky.

Perhaps she just panicked, it came out wrong and she's at home kicking herself for handling it badly.

Protecting your child for reasons you can't explain is stressful.

Darquesse · 14/12/2014 21:43

The lady was reasonable enough to ask for her child not to be photographed but she was incredibly rude for embarrassing the man like that.

These famous folk and their children!

KatieKaye · 14/12/2014 21:50

Hmmmm..... Can't stop wondering if the child was famous.

And then wondering WTF. Why would it make the slightest difference? Famous child goes to see Santa isn't exactly headline news, is it? It's not an excuse, far less a reason.

Woman was just unhinged and rude. Maybe she was famous and miffed nobody recognised her?

Doilooklikeatourist · 14/12/2014 21:57

Shouty woman should have moved the famous child out of the way of the mans photo

ThereIsAPartridgeInTheKitchen · 14/12/2014 21:58

aermingers I'm willing to bet that he was probably confused and didn't really know how to respond.

RubberDuck · 14/12/2014 22:05

Actually, inside private property different photography laws apply (obv, if a public place then yes - people are allowed to take your photo). Particularly inside National Trust properties, you need a permit in order to take any photographs inside as they enforce restrictions. They also retain rights to any photographs taken anywhere within their wider grounds (i.e. you cannot use the images for commercial purposes).

All that said, she was being unreasonable :)

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 14/12/2014 22:06

I'm not surprised the poor man was shook up.

Back in the day , had my dh been faced with an unfamiliar shrieking arse shouting commands at him I suspect he would have told her to shut up or fuck off, middle class setting or not.

wonderpants · 14/12/2014 22:15

I went to a similar event with my foster child (poss same national trust place?), and was told there were photos with santa at the end. I have to admit, I felt very twitchy when people started taking photos, as I had specifically asked.
But I didn't make a fuss, I removed FC to sit on my knee.