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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not do 'boys' and 'girls' party bags?

76 replies

QueenofKelsingra · 14/12/2014 15:06

DS's birthday is coming up. He will be 5 and the theme is dinosaurs. do I need to do 'boys' party bags (dinosaurs) and 'girls' party bags - I guess pink crap Frozen or similar?

Most parties DS has been too have ended with a large cone of sweets, the only one who did party bags did boys and girls, but not on a theme as such, the usual plastic tat small toys and sweets.

The only food item I include is a slice of cake (me and excessive sweets at parties is a whole other thread). will be putting in a balloon and some bubbles also. i was thinking of some stickers and possibly a 'decorate your own dino' kit.

WIBU to do dino bags for all? or should i conform to gender expectations and do a princess/fairy version for the girls? i don't know the kids well enough to know which boys might prefer fairies and which girls dinos so it needs to be all dinos or a boy girl split.

thoughts?

OP posts:
Micah · 14/12/2014 23:20

For dd, some of the dislike of pink glittery stuff stems from being constantly bombarded with messages, from peers, from media, at parties, that she has to like it.

She doesn't like being told how to act, what to like, what her opinions should be. She's quite happy to stand up in a crowd and say "well I don't like it". She doesn't care if people judge her because she likes her hair short, and has no interest in 1direction.

If her peers try to force her or push anything on to her, she has the confidence to say that they're not very good friends if they don't allow her have her own opinions.

And yes, I am very proud of her.

The emperors new clothes, and all that.

wobblyweebles · 15/12/2014 01:25

Why do we say toys should not be gender-specific, but not one single person on here has suggested that fairy-themed bags would be suitable for both boys and girls?

perthmom · 15/12/2014 02:38

When my DCs were younger, DD went to boys' parties and received cars, dinosaurs, pirate stuff etc, and DS went to girls' parties and received glittery bags, toy makeup, fairy wands etc. Didn't bother them or me.

musicalendorphins2 · 15/12/2014 04:30

The theme is dinosaurs, so dinosaurs it is for all. I would put a dinosaur sticker, or tattoo, or actual toy dinosaur in the party bags.

ipswichwitch · 15/12/2014 04:43

If it's a dinosaur party, then it should be dinosaur bags. A pirate party, then pirate bags, etc. if you start doing "boys bags" and "girls bags", then do you start having to make individual bags because one child likes frozen, another likes disney princesses, another likes Spider-Man. That way madness lies. The bags just supplement the party theme. Fwiw, DS1 would be just as happy with a dino bag as he would be with a frozen one, and has been very happy with a princess one. He's happy to get anything really!

ThomasMaraJrsSubpoena · 15/12/2014 04:46

Maybe the reason the dinosaurs went extinct was because there were only boy dinosaurs?... Grin

VashtaNerada · 15/12/2014 06:27

Wobbly - I suggested that and I'm pretty sure others did too. There are girl dinosaurs and boy fairies y'know...

Jazzhandsrule · 15/12/2014 08:27

Katebecket, where in our posts did Blair and I say we think all the kids shouldn't have dino bags? We were referring to the fact that pink stuff is referred to as crap and somehow lesser than the dino stuff. There seems to be a competitive element to parents having girls that dislike pink, sparkly stuff.

arethereanyleftatall · 15/12/2014 09:03

A competitive element well demonstrated by micah's post above.

Madamecastafiore · 15/12/2014 09:03

This would never have crossed my mind.

Mousefinkle · 15/12/2014 09:30

Since when we're dinosaurs gender specific Confused, do you think all dinosaurs were male?

Dinosaur bags for all. Fuck pink.

WhereTheWaldThingsAre · 15/12/2014 09:56

I would say party bags should be theme-specific, if there is a theme.

If DD gave a fairy-themed party, and wanted fairy themed party bags, we would give them to the boys as well - why wouldn't you?

I actually think DD would have lots of fun tailoring the contents of each party bag to its specific recipient anyway, rather than just two styles of gendered bag.

I don't think she would view dinosaurs as being "for boys", and whilst she is personally not especially into them (and might well choose a "girly", sparkly pink thing, if given the choice - as might a boy, not all boys like dinosaurs either!) I'm sure she would enjoy playing with whatever the contents of her party bag were.

EbwyIsUpTheDuff · 15/12/2014 10:30

my 4 year old recently chose a dinosaur card for his little friend's 3rd birthday.. SHE loved it. "Oh WOW! dinosaur!!"

dinosaurs are great for everyone, surely?

(he's also getting a baby doll for midwinter from his nan - at his request. Babies are for boys and girls equally too, since making a real one takes both at some stage)

Mrsjayy · 15/12/2014 10:47

Please don't buy into this boys and girls stuff I never ever did party bags for different genders don't be daft girls like dinosaurs too

stubbornstains · 15/12/2014 10:53

At the only party DS ever went to which had gender- specific party bags, he was gutted not to get a fairy wand.....

Original poster
QueenofKelsingra · 15/12/2014 11:28

I do love it when I am told I'm right!

Dinosaur bags for all! and they can like it or lump it!! and not be invited next year if they complain

So party bag will include:
Cake
dinosaur activity/sticker book
pencil with a dino rubber on the top
bubbles
dinosaur mask
small dino toy

sound good? (DS would also like the party blowers with dinosaurs on but I think the parents wouldn't thank me for that!)

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 15/12/2014 12:09

And not every girl is into frozen I know it seems like it but it is just the hype it is like saying every 12yr old yr old girl loves 1direction

Mrsjayy · 15/12/2014 12:11

Your bags sound great get the blowers

GoingGoingGoth · 15/12/2014 12:20

Dinosaur bag sounds great, DD would love it (she's 10)

EhricJinglingHisBallsOnHigh · 15/12/2014 12:27

Gendered party bags are bullshit. I can't believe the person who said her DDs would be disappointed to get dinosaurs. So you don't encourage her to be interested in natural history and our planet? Just fairy crap. Ok.

I did pirate party bags at DS's last party for boys and girls, nobody complained.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 15/12/2014 12:29

Mini boxes of smarties "dino eggs" as they are known in our house.

The party blowers will be great - they go soggy and can go in the bin after an hour or two anyway :) DD got a duck horn [plastic whistle that makes a duck noise] in a party bag recently. She adores it. Totally inspired.

Number3cometome · 15/12/2014 12:33

Dino's all the way.

My daughter had a Monster High Party, so I did do different bags for the boys, although I wish I hadn't as it was HASSLE.

MY DD went to a footy party, got footy stuff and loved it!

TheWanderingUterus · 15/12/2014 12:58

Dinosaurs in all the bags. If you do separate bags for girls you are making the mistake that all members of the same gender like the same things. I can guarantee at least one boy who actually would prefer the girls bag and a girl who would have loved the boys bag.

Last year DD went to a 'makeover' party last year, one of her (boy) classmates 8th birthday.

Not only did boys go and thoroughly enjoy it (glitter hairspray and gel, glittery tattoos, temporary hair colours etc) but they loved the glittery fairy party bags that went with it. My little DS had serious party bag envy and we had to buy him his own wand.

I have no issue with glittery stuff, I do have an issue when it is only marketed to one gender.

NurseRoscoe · 15/12/2014 14:24

Quite a few people have said sparkly stuff would be suitable for girls and boys to the person who said that. My son would be over the moon with a frozen party bag, he's queen elsa's little groupie

ThomasMaraJrsSubpoena · 15/12/2014 23:20

DS once chose the "girls" bag. Loved his tiara until he broke it. The sparkly wand survived and, guess what? It sits on a shelf, cradled by Mr Pond*, who is a t-rex model we bought from the Natural History Museum. So, howzat for gender non-confusion? Xmas Grin

  • so named because he is very "roary"

For his own party (pirate theme), boys and girls had the same basic box, but got to supplement their "hoard" as they wished: had plenty of sparkly rings and necklaces in the treasure chest.