Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not do 'boys' and 'girls' party bags?

76 replies

QueenofKelsingra · 14/12/2014 15:06

DS's birthday is coming up. He will be 5 and the theme is dinosaurs. do I need to do 'boys' party bags (dinosaurs) and 'girls' party bags - I guess pink crap Frozen or similar?

Most parties DS has been too have ended with a large cone of sweets, the only one who did party bags did boys and girls, but not on a theme as such, the usual plastic tat small toys and sweets.

The only food item I include is a slice of cake (me and excessive sweets at parties is a whole other thread). will be putting in a balloon and some bubbles also. i was thinking of some stickers and possibly a 'decorate your own dino' kit.

WIBU to do dino bags for all? or should i conform to gender expectations and do a princess/fairy version for the girls? i don't know the kids well enough to know which boys might prefer fairies and which girls dinos so it needs to be all dinos or a boy girl split.

thoughts?

OP posts:
2of3 · 14/12/2014 16:57

Dinos for all. If your son wants a dino-themed party then all the guests should get dino-themed party bags. It's his birthday, after all.

Mehitabel6 · 14/12/2014 16:58

I have never sorted them into gender-can't see the need.

VashtaNerada · 14/12/2014 16:59

Jazzhands - I think it depends on the theme. If it's a Disney or fairy tale party or something I'd be fine with pink & sparkly for both boys and girls, but would be Hmm if we got that from a dinosaur party! Especially if half the kids got the 'right' bags.

BlairWaldorfHeadBand · 14/12/2014 17:00

Agree with jazz my DD loves all things pink and sparkly and princess-y. I encourage it because that's what she likes and I see no reason to shove dinosaurs down Her throat to make some sort of statement.

Starlightbright1 · 14/12/2014 17:01

I say yes to all dino's and no to whisltles in party bags...

SoonToBeSix · 14/12/2014 17:01

I just asked my three year old dd, she said she would like a dinosaur.

snickers251 · 14/12/2014 17:03

Def same for all!

We went to a party recently where ds was the only boy there.

When the mum produced a separate boys pirate bag my ds was most upset and wanted a frozen bag like all the girls Grin

ocelot41 · 14/12/2014 17:03

Another vote for dinos for all!

puntasticusername · 14/12/2014 17:04

All Dino bags, definitely! Aside from gendered bags being Wrong, ten to one there'll be some cock up with attendance or a kid will take one that wasn't intended for them, and next thing you know you'll have some irate parent bending your ear because Jack was so humiliated at having to take a pink bag because it was the only one left...

skylark2 · 14/12/2014 17:05

I would do a dinosaur party bag for all children who come to a dinosaur themed party, a fairy party bag for all children who come to a fairy themed party, and so on. I'd assume that kids who would be that devastated to receive an item based on the party theme wouldn't come in the first place.

mistymorningmemories · 14/12/2014 17:09

Dd1 would love a dino bag and she's the most pink/sparkly/ princessy girl you could imagine! The only segregation I made of her party bags was those for the 4yr olds and those for the 1yr olds as lots of plastic tat not suitable for under 3s.

jaggythistle · 14/12/2014 17:42

Everyone got pirate bags with the same stuff in it for DS1's birthday.

YANBU

KateBeckett · 14/12/2014 17:56

Jazz and Blair it has nothing to do with thinking negatively of sparkly stuff, or making a statement! It's a dinosaur themed party ffs. Why would you expect to get glittery sparkly stuff at a dinosaur themed party?!

Op, dinosaurs for everyone. It's your dd's party, and that is the theme he has chosen. :)

Lucyccfc · 14/12/2014 19:05

My DS has a football theme party, which included a tour at a Premier League football club and lots of football related games. All the boys and girls got a football party bag from myself and also the club. Lots of great stuff in them that were all related to the football theme of the party.

One parent, when they picked their DD up did make a comment that it would have been nice for the girls to have had a 'girly' party bag. I have to admit to being a bit blunt with her and telling her that I would ensure that my DS's next party have a fairy and princess theme just for her DD!

I wish that I had known the MN stock phrase of 'Did you mean to be so rude' at the time.

The daft thing is that her DD loved the football theme and was totally amazed by everything. Should have seen the look on her face when they visited the changing rooms and got to walk down the tunnel onto the pitch. She spent the whole 2 hours saying 'Wow' with a huge smile on her face.

I think it is lovely that party bags match the theme of the party and I have never done separate boys and girls bags.

halfdrunkcoffee · 14/12/2014 20:10

I would say dinosaurs for all. There's no reason why girls shouldn't like dinosaurs! I haven't come across different party bags for boys and girls yet, although DS is only four.

edwinbear · 14/12/2014 21:12

Dinos all round! DS had his 5th party at a miniature railway this year, so naturally we had a Thomas theme and everyone got Thomas themed party bags, with Thomas book/whistle/flag. From what I saw they went down equally well with boys and girls.

Original poster
QueenofKelsingra · 14/12/2014 21:42

pretty much unanimous then! dinos for all it is!

not sure why i second guessed myself, it was only because the last party i went to (frozen theme) had gendered bags that made me think - heck are the girls going to be disappointed/upset with a dinosaur bag.

note to self: have more courage in your convictions!!

katOD love that flow chart!!

thanks all, decision made!!

OP posts:
Original poster
QueenofKelsingra · 14/12/2014 21:47

oh, to add, i have nothing against pink glittery stuff - my DD is very girly, completely through her own personality as we had a DS first so most toys are trains/cars/dinos etc. it's about balance. left to her own devises today, her new princess ariel doll has been going back and forth to tea parties on the back of her cuddly stegosaurus!

OP posts:
manicinsomniac · 14/12/2014 21:49

Most kids love dinosaurs don't they?! I have the girliest girls imaginable but they definitely liked dinosaurs at that age.

And does anyone remember 'Meg's Eggs' ? It was my favourite book aged 4. www.amazon.co.uk/Megs-Eggs-Meg-Helen-Nicoll/dp/0141338873

I definitely wouldn't hesitate to give dinosaur bags to all.

However, I think I would worry about giving pink fairy/princess/butterfly type bags to all. I know it shouldn't be any different but somehow I feel that boys would be more likely to turn their nose up at that than girls would be at dinosaurs. But maybe that's because I only have girls so only have the stereotypical image of what little boys are really like.

VashtaNerada · 14/12/2014 21:54

My little boy is very sparkly indeed Xmas Grin

greenbananas · 14/12/2014 21:59

Dinosaurs for all is my vote too.

When I was a little girl, I would have been very disappointed (and confused) by not having a dinosaur bag just because I was a girl. Ds1 has a good friend (female, aged 5) who would certainly feel the same - both her parents are archaeologists!

Are there no female paleontologists in the world.

(By the way, I have bought ds2 a lilac toy pushchair for Christmas, because I am totally confident that he will love it - so perhaps I am not the best person to ask about gender-specific toys! Still, I don't know a single mum in real life who would insist that her daughter be restricted to pink glittery crap - most of the mums I know would be highly grateful to you for challenging this utterly inexcusable gender stereotyping, even in a small way.)

Original poster
QueenofKelsingra · 14/12/2014 22:01

manic i know what you mean. i do think if i was doing a princess party i would make the boys bags slightly differently - make your own crown rather than tiara for example.

i can see DS not being as interested in a princess party bag as he would be in a boyish one!

it seems there is a theme of girls being encouraged to play with 'boys' toys in preference to 'girls' toys while boys are not encouraged to play with 'girls' toys. i can only assume it is a reflection of the world their parents are living in filtering down - the beginnings of the idea that women can do all the same jobs/hobbies/sports that men do. men need no encouragement as they have historically always done those roles and the supposed 'womens work' is seen as lesser than 'mens work' so why would you encourage the boys to do a 'lesser' thing?

OP posts:
Original poster
QueenofKelsingra · 14/12/2014 22:05

greenbananas i have bough DS2 a hoover and other cleaning supplies as he loves to do housework with me. i know he will love it.

some girls are naturally girly girls though and it seems now that they/their parents are judged for this - as if we should be forcing our DDs to play with cars/trains/mud and banning all things pink. we should be guided by the individual children as to what their preferred toys and games are.

OP posts:
NurseRoscoe · 14/12/2014 22:05

I have a little boy who loves frozen. Not all kids follow gender stereotypes. There's nothing wrong with little girls who are girly but they can have their own birthday parties that way, if they go to a dinosaur party they would be unreasonable to expect pink and glitter

greenbananas · 14/12/2014 22:07

Mm, I see what you mean about pink glittery stuff being lesser in some way. It's okay for girls, but we don't want to encourage our boys to get caught up in the just-for-appearances stuff.

Both my boys love glitter, but the older one won't admit it very often more that he has gone to school and realized he is not "supposed" to like pink.