Wibu to cut contact with friends after the way the treated another friend?

[extremepie]

Ok, another long one, sorry!

Group of my friends, X, is severely depressed and has been for a while, went through a stage of being quite hard to be around but I did my best to support her as much as I could.

All of our other friends not so much, they basically just ignored her for months until she got a bit better/went on antidepressants.

One year for her birthday X wanted to arrange a meal out with group of friends, she tried to organise it for a Friday so more people from the group would be able to attend, her actual birthday was midweek. Y rang her up having a huge go at her saying that the day she'd picked to go out was her bf's birthday (also part of the group) and that it was really inconsiderate for her to arrange something on that day & demanded she change it. X did change it and as a result not many people turned up. Y then, somewhat hypocritically organised her bf's birthday celebration on my birthday!

Fast forward to the following year, given the birthday clash situation the year before, X decided to have her birthday meal in a pub the week before so as to not interfere with anyone else's plans. She invited everyone from the group about a month in advance to make sure they could get time off work etc for it.

Most people said they would come and she booked tables etc then a few days before gradually everyone dropped out except one. She was disappointed but accepted that people were busy so she & other friend (Z) went out as planned. Halfway through the night, in walk Y and basically everyone else from the group who had been invited but said they couldn't attend. They got a table on the other side of the pub and didn't bother to say happy birthday or even acknowledge X. Z then gets up, says goodbye and goes over to join the others!

X then spends the rest of the night in tears wondering why everyone treated her so cruelly. They knew exactly which pub she was planning to go to and there are plenty to choose from in our town.

Wibu to not speak to them again after this? I'm still friends with X but I just think the way the rest of them treated her I don't want to be friends with them anymore. Or is that an overreaction?

I'm another who is struggling to believe that such a thing actually happened as you describe. Not that I'm calling you a liar OP...not at all...but I find this so cruel and bizarre I'm having trouble accepting it as you present it. Does this sort of thing actually go on?

If I were you, I'd have to know exactly what the very fuck occurred to make people think this was in any way acceptable.

I am sitting in disbelief that adults would be so cruel. I'd have to find out the whole story and if it was simply as cruel as you have described I would call them on their behaviour and end my friendship with them.

it's awful that they have done this even if they went to a different location, but to go to the same venue, knowing full well friend X will be there, is nasty and spiteful, what goes around comes around I hope.

Reading other Mumsnetters experiences of toxic people, I can well imagine! Like the mum who blatantly handed out invites to a whole class party bar one child who had sn

Or the people who have been Wendied by so called friends.

Op, you say that some of these "friends" have tried to contact you since. Aren't you dying of curiosity to know what the other side of the story is?

On paper, I would say ywnbu to dump them all. But it is so bizarre and so unlikely that I'd really want to know more about exactly what happened.

Me too Mintyy.

I'd have to ask them why they did it before I cut them off. I'd just want to know or I'd be wondering about it forever.

Wtaf
They sound like teenage mean girl bullies.
Really vicious.
Yes I'd cut contact.

Not sure what you mean by that double?

For those of you asking whether this really happened? Sad to say yes it did :( Likd I said I spoke to her bf who was also there at the time, I was as shocked as you all are!

The way they treated her over her depression did change my view of them somewhat, and they were spectacularly unhelpful when I was going through my own PND, where I got so depressed I actually did attempt suicide. They started to lose interest in hanging around me when I had kids and was not able to go out and have fun with them as much and I suspect something similar happened with X, being friends with her had just lost it's appeal to them :(

By any chance is Y the Queen Bee of the group?

If they did it to her, they'll do it to you too. Even if X had done something really bad to them, there's no reason to be so cruel.

YWNBU to decide those aren't people you want in your life.

1. Find out why of you can, just in case there is something you missed like X screwed Y's boyfriend at his party last year as revenge for having to move her own celebration. Suspect you would have heard about that before now tbh. And even if X did that was an odd way to go about payback. But just to be on the safe side...
2. "Always believe someone when they show you who they really are" So if this was just callousness, maliciousness, carelessness...back away from them all, pretty fast and don't turn your back on them for a second.
3. Rent "Meangirls" or "Carrie" and enjoy with wine popcorn, celebrating your narrow escape.

If a separate night was organised by the group, in the same pub, with everyone invited except x, then presumably you were invited too so would have been given the reason behind it?
Or were you also excluded from this invitation?

Sorry, just read your last post.

They sound like they haven't really moved on emotionally from their schooldays and are still stuck in that bitchy, mean girl, time warp.
I would just ditch them and move forward without them.

In sorry, this actually happened? Who on earth would anyone be so cruel after the age if like, 14. I thought by adulthood most people stopped being total bitches?

I wouldn't be friends with the group who canceled and then turned up and ignored at all as they are not nice people.

I don't know how I've got through my long-ish life without all this drama. I must be very thick skinned or just not had complete arseholes for friends.

Word.

They sound awful, fair weather friends, not true friends who would help you when you needed a friend. They sound very immature, that they are still mentally in the school child phase and have not moved on emotionally. Cut them dead.

I would need at least to know how these friends justified their behaviour to themselves. I would ask each one who contacted me "I've heard different stories about that night. Could you explain to me what happened?" And then I would probably dump them like an over-ripe nappy.

It sounds like birds of a feather flocking together with them then. I would, personally, need to hear their justification and then cut them out but it depends on if they keep contacting you.