To think if you expect me 2 stick to a budget, you should stick to yours???

[WhatTheAbsoluteF]

DH and I spent more on Christmas gifts for family this year as well as other big items which now means we have to watch our budget until his next salary comes in, in a week's time. (FYI we are generally quite well off and have never been in this situation before. We live in a beautiful, large home, drive an expensive, brand new car and go on holidays often, but we have spent far more than usual on furnishing our new home and purchasing items for baby's arrival, hence the need to budget.)

Yesterday, I needed to do some shopping for my baby who has outgrown her current clothes. I asked if I can get my older daughter new boots as well, as she only has one pair of boots that she says is starting to get tight on her. (She has outgrown all her other shoes) His response was that he only has around £300 to last us till the 20th of December and therefore we can't buy her boots now. He goes on to say I can only spend £50 on baby clothes, which I accept. He also says he has to buy a few groceries for the house and asks what I need....I give him several items and he asks me to leave out one or two because he only has a £40 budget for the groceries. I agree. (I know we can get anything else we need, with his next pay cheque)

I ended up spending £42 at the store, while he went on to spend £79....almost double his budget! I was sitting in the car with baby, waiting for over 30 mins while he shopped......freezing my butt off (luckily baby was wrapped in a thick blanket and dressed warmly) and wondering why he was taking such a long time to get back with the few items on the list. I was surprised to see him coming back with a fairly full trolley of goods. When I asked, he said he only bought 2 extra items....Checking his receipt revealed that he had purchased far more than 2 extra items. When I asked, he said these items were on sale & we would all enjoy eating it. I agreed, but pointed out that I didn't buy my daughter boots or other clothing items she needed because he asked me to stick to the budget, yet he couldn't stick to his own!

My poor daughter accompanied me to the shop to buy baby's clothing & saw several reasonably priced items for herself (necessary as she has also outgrown her winter clothing from last year) and I told her she needed to wait till the end of the month to do her shopping. I pointed out to my husband that I could have got a few good items for my daughter with that extra money. He went on to have a fit.....accused me of saying he can't provide for his family (I never did!!!) and stormed off in a rage. He has not spoken to me since.

Am I being unreasonable to think that if he expects me to stick to a budget, then he should stick to his? I don't think I did anything wrong by querying his spending. Did I? Would you assume I implied you can't provide for your family if you were in his position?

It's not your money though is it, you don't appear to have access to it. You need to start acting like an adult, a baby needs a few sleep suits not a whole load of items whilst your other daughter has to walk round it shoes too small for her.

I'd you believe £300 for six days is living on a budget it suggests you are out of touch with the real world.

Suspect this was not really AIBU but a stealth brag. When talking about a budget for x days there's no need to mention property, cars etc.

Fairenuff...Sorry, I should have said she's outgrown all her other shoes apart from her school shoes. Those still fit her. As we are home today she's in bedroom slippers and she won't needs boots again till the weekend, so we plan to get those next weekend. As for the money, I have already admitted that DH can be a bit controlling with finances, but we do generally discuss all purchases and make decisions together, and this arrangement works for us. My kids and I are never short of anything. This is a once off situation.

DaisyFlowerChain....Perhaps to many, £300 in the bank would not mean having to budget, but given our lifestyle and the fact that we generally have far more in the bank at the end of the month, my husband felt budgeting was necessary. I don't see how this could possibly mean we are 'out of touch with the real world.' Perhaps you are the one who's out of touch with the real world if you believe that because we have more money than some people, we don't need to budget! I apologise if my post appears as a stealth brag. This was not my intention. I mentioned the property and car, etc, merely so I could provide readers with a picture of what our lifestyle is generally like, and therefore get them to see our need to budget with £300 in context. In hindsight, I probably shouldn't have mentioned it.

And by the way, to suggest that a baby needs a few sleep suits and nothing more is ludicrous! I live in the UK. If I want to take my baby outdoors in the current weather, she will certainly need more than a sleep suit if I don't want her to freeze!

Anyway, thanks once again to everyone that posted. I'm off to enjoy the rest of the day with my family. Have a great Sunday everyone!

You almost lost me at £300 to last six days, it truly is another world for some folk and yea, I am sure he has worked hard for it but it would be a dream come true for many of us.

My son needed a winter coat having outgrown his last one. A limited budget is breaking into the council tax money to buy the coat....less than £20 to buy it thankfully. A budget of £300 to last me six days is a dream I can barely imagine.

BUT.

YANBU, your DD's winter boots should have come first and your husband should have stuck to his budget. I suspect bough that you rarely need to budget so it doesn't come naturally. You can get cheap winter boots which will last through the short cold spell until you can slash out on more expensive higher quality ones.

This is the most ridiculous thread I have seen for a while. Surely it is a joke?

OP you made out that your 'poor' dd had no footwear that fit her and, in fact, has outgrown all her clothes. Now you say that she doesn't actually need a pair of boots this week at all.

I think you are being ridiculous tbh.

We live on 190 a week... Yeahhh. £300 is such a terrible amount to make last 6 days. Get a grip op.

So your dh has apologised, showing he's not a cruel and controlling ogre.
I have to say that this is one of the most pointless threads I have read.

I can't see how the property abroad is relevant to the thread tbh . Lots of us think that you were stealth boasting you clearly think otherwise. Perhaps your dh was being unreasonable but it wasn't a big issue, you are in a good financial position so count your blessings. Life is definitiely too short to argue about money when you have plenty!

DixieNormas Thank you for your sensible response, which is the type of opinion I was hoping for rather than posters who wants to take a dig at SAHM's or make sarcastic comments about how much we have to budget with. Fairenuff...I never said my poor daughter had no footwear....seems you have read my post incorrectly. I said my poor daughter accompanied me for baby's shopping and saw several items she wanted but I told her she couldn't have just yet due to our budget. And yes, she has outgrown her winter clothes from last year, which we have only just discovered since the temperatures have only just started to drop significantly enough to pull out her winter wear. While they are shorter, she certainly can get by wearing them for a few more days. As for the shoes, as I already said, I omitted to mention that her school shoes do fit, as do all her school clothing. It was an honest mistake leaving that info out. Even so, she is definitely in need of a small shopping spree. The boots are only used during the weekends or if we go out, which we don't usually do during the week days, meaning she'll only need them again next weekend. How is this being ridiculous? Oh well, everyone is entitled to their opinion I suppose. I'll let everyone get on with the insulting and sarcasm (Not everyone of course, some posters were very helpful) while I get back to my family. Please excuse me if I don't post again. This thread seems to be becoming about everything but what it was intended for, i.e. to get an opinion regarding my husband blowing the budget agreed upon. Furthermore, my husband and apologised and the matter has been resolved! Thanks again for taking the time to respond!

I don't believe you. If you have that sort of money coming in, as I do too, you will have a variety of options such as credit cards where the bill is due next month, and will not be living 'hand to mouth' where you have to wait until payday.

I think that NotQuite has it exactly right.

It's easy when you have plenty of money to assume that your dh would prioritise the children if it was ever necessary. It must be a pretty big shock to discover that the one time the chips were down he didn't.

However, he has since apologised. So Ibsuspect tat this was a case of him being used to flinging everything he fancies into the trolley and forgetting how much each little treat adds up to.

He probably reacted badly because he knew you were right.

It's good that he apologised. Did he apologise because he has thought about it and realised that he has a controlling attitude to finances and that he was being a hypocrite by imposing a budget on you while at the same time deciding he wasn't going to stick to a budget
or did he apologise because you are pissed off and he thinks sorry will get you to shut up about it?

What changes to his attitude has he said he will make, I guess is the key.

When you're married, you're supposed to be an equal team. He isn't the senior partner in this relationship.

Just because someone apologised, it doesn't mean they are wrong. It could also imply that they are the more gracious and mature of the two.

Fairenuff...I never said my poor daughter had no footwear....seems you have read my post incorrectly.

This was your post OP: "I asked if I can get my older daughter new boots as well, as she only has one pair of boots that she says is starting to get tight on her. ( She has outgrown all her other shoes )"

So now you are changing things. Your dd didn't need boots or, if she did, you had the money to buy them.

On the one hand you imply that she has no footwear that fits, or indeed any clothes that fit and your dh is frittering away money on salmon but when you don't get the expected sympathy, you change your tune.

You have no problem. At all. You are making a fuss over nothing. You sound like a spoiled brat at having to wait a few days to get your dd boots which are not a necessity.

The only problem which most posters have pointed out to you is that you don't have direct access to money, which is wrong but that doesn't seem to bother you.

Women should never be in a situation where they have no money of their own to do what they want with it, to do so puts them in a very vulnerable position. That use to be point of child benefit, it was paid to the mother regardless of household income. The vast majority of mothers will prioritise their dcs needs over everything else. I suggest the OP builds up a small pot of money when she gets money as gifts etc so she is able to cover the type of situation she's just described. Hopefully if her DH is controlling about money this will pre empt him in future.

What the heck? Seems like you both need lessons in priorities.

Ok,so he went over on food,annoying but it's food.

As for your elder daughter what on earth are you thinking?She doesn't have any winter clothing that fits and needs new boots and this is your afterthought after buying everyones Christmas presents?Seriously!!What on earth is wrong with you?

And don't expect the 'we only discovered this last week,that last year's winter clothes are too small' rubbish to wash.She's a 9 year old child,how long do you think clothes fit for?Kids grow!!! How could you not have noticed?!

Yes,£300 is a lot to last 6 days.Does your hubby have something planned/is he expecting something to come up?

Was your clothing limit for the baby (never mind the poor daughter who doesn't have warm clothes that fit ffs) set because you aren't too good with budgeting or tend to go over the top or something?

Do you never discuss these things?

Ofhs if she doesn't actually need new boots,as you suggested,then what is the issue with waiting a week?

Although,given the poor girl doesn't have warm clothes that fit,which is disgusting with your income and lifestyle,are you just pushing it off?

£300 to last a whole six days. It's a tough life, isn't it?! Meanwhile some of us have £20 to last a week...
I fail to see how mentioning you have a brand new, expensive car is relevant either
Clearly though, you and dh aren't used to budgeting like this, so it just comes down to communication. Could the baby clothes and boots not have waited 6 days? When money is...tight, you just need to prioritise what is most important.

Why did he accuse you of saying he can't provide for his family?

I don't understand where your savings are. And why you couldn't simply dip into them to buy shoes now (for sake of convenience of not having to return next weekend or two).

Your posts make it sound like you live pay check to paycheck with no savings. Who budgeted the furniture for the new house? Because regsrdless of whether you're spending 1,000 or 100,000 to furnish a house - everyone has a budget in their mind (and then sometimes disregard it and overspend)

Who budgeted the Christmas gifts?

If it was your DH both times, then he's fucked up and overspent and is lashing out (instead of admitting he's not budgeted properly).

Sigh.....your post comes over terribly, you sound horrendously materialistic and

What you should have is savings...a small pot to dip into when things gets a bit tight, and replenish when they're not. If you have as much income as you say you have, then not having done this is crazy. Many people don't have the luxury of some savings, and I can completly understand why people are incredulous that you are complaint that only having £300 to last you a few days is considered a dire situation.

ASDA sell boots, it's good enough for my dd, and you'll spend a max of £20 I imagine. Really, this stuff should be sorted before all the Christmas spending...however, she's not poor is she? Far from it.

So your older DC actually has school shoes that fit. Does she also have trainers/plimsolls that she uses for PE at school that fit? Once the boots go from inessential to nice to have, this just becomes a ridiculous thread.

A baby will survive just fine with a few vests, babygrows and (when they go out) a snowsuit. You can get that lot for £25. If you spent more, you are not economising.