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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think if you expect me 2 stick to a budget, you should stick to yours???

98 replies

WhatTheAbsoluteF · 14/12/2014 08:09

DH and I spent more on Christmas gifts for family this year as well as other big items which now means we have to watch our budget until his next salary comes in, in a week's time. (FYI we are generally quite well off and have never been in this situation before. We live in a beautiful, large home, drive an expensive, brand new car and go on holidays often, but we have spent far more than usual on furnishing our new home and purchasing items for baby's arrival, hence the need to budget.)

Yesterday, I needed to do some shopping for my baby who has outgrown her current clothes. I asked if I can get my older daughter new boots as well, as she only has one pair of boots that she says is starting to get tight on her. (She has outgrown all her other shoes) His response was that he only has around £300 to last us till the 20th of December and therefore we can't buy her boots now. He goes on to say I can only spend £50 on baby clothes, which I accept. He also says he has to buy a few groceries for the house and asks what I need....I give him several items and he asks me to leave out one or two because he only has a £40 budget for the groceries. I agree. (I know we can get anything else we need, with his next pay cheque)

I ended up spending £42 at the store, while he went on to spend £79....almost double his budget! I was sitting in the car with baby, waiting for over 30 mins while he shopped......freezing my butt off (luckily baby was wrapped in a thick blanket and dressed warmly) and wondering why he was taking such a long time to get back with the few items on the list. I was surprised to see him coming back with a fairly full trolley of goods. When I asked, he said he only bought 2 extra items....Checking his receipt revealed that he had purchased far more than 2 extra items. When I asked, he said these items were on sale & we would all enjoy eating it. I agreed, but pointed out that I didn't buy my daughter boots or other clothing items she needed because he asked me to stick to the budget, yet he couldn't stick to his own!

My poor daughter accompanied me to the shop to buy baby's clothing & saw several reasonably priced items for herself (necessary as she has also outgrown her winter clothing from last year) and I told her she needed to wait till the end of the month to do her shopping. I pointed out to my husband that I could have got a few good items for my daughter with that extra money. He went on to have a fit.....accused me of saying he can't provide for his family (I never did!!!) and stormed off in a rage. He has not spoken to me since.

Am I being unreasonable to think that if he expects me to stick to a budget, then he should stick to his? I don't think I did anything wrong by querying his spending. Did I? Would you assume I implied you can't provide for your family if you were in his position?

OP posts:

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 14/12/2014 09:01

ONLY £300 left for the week. Ive no idea how you do it OP really I don't.
Anyway im off to buy some more diamond shoes, these are a bit pinchy.

Lweji · 14/12/2014 09:02

The main point here, actually, is his strop.
How common is that?

MistyMistletoe · 14/12/2014 09:02

Is this a wind up ?

Original poster

WhatTheAbsoluteF · 14/12/2014 09:05

Just to add, we don't have any bills to pay Lweji and CariadsDarling...we certainly can afford our home, etc. The expenditure that resulted in us finding ourselves budgeting, was once off....we have basically furnished our home from scratch (apart from our dining set), so our financial strain is temporary.

Frogme....You're spot on with how I feel!

OP posts:

Frogme · 14/12/2014 09:05

Why would it be a wind up. Rich people have problems too. This isn't about money. It's them agreeing something then DH not sticking to the agreement.

Tinkerball · 14/12/2014 09:07

£300 to last a week, is that all?

Original poster

WhatTheAbsoluteF · 14/12/2014 09:09

Sharonthewasp.......I never implied that I thought £300 was too little (as your sarcastic post suggests)....It's plenty as I've said....It's my DH who seems to think it isn't much and we have to watch our expenditure.

OP posts:

Fairenuff · 14/12/2014 09:12

So when he went over budget, why didn't you just go out and buy the boots so that you spent the same amount?

Original poster

WhatTheAbsoluteF · 14/12/2014 09:13

There we go with people who will now be posting sarcastic comments about how much we have left for the week, instead of offering opinions about the question my title poses regarding sticking to a budget!

OP posts:

Toughasoldboots · 14/12/2014 09:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

The411 · 14/12/2014 09:16

This is such a pointless situation. You have £300 for 6 days.
Enough for some boots for a child, baby clothes AND luxury food items.
You and your dh should have been able to see this.
Unless he's always controlling, this really doesn't seem like much of an issue.

MarjorieMelon · 14/12/2014 09:16

I don't mean to sound unkind but you both need to take a reality check. Your dd's boots can wait you appear to be irrationally upset over this. Your dh had a hissy fit because there is only £300 left until 20th December. £300 when there are no bills left is more than enough to last a month. I think the pair of you have no idea how the majority live.

TarkaTheOtter · 14/12/2014 09:17

I understand why you are upset with him. He treated you like a child who needed a fixed budget but treated himself like an adult who was allowed some discretion.

Pensionerpeep · 14/12/2014 09:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CariadsDarling · 14/12/2014 09:23

I just want to acknowledge that it was a shitty thing he did, really, and I should have said it earlier.

And just to add - Im not envious either, and I still think if you hadn't perhaps overextended yourselves you wouldnt be waiting for the next pay check to arrive.

Original poster

WhatTheAbsoluteF · 14/12/2014 09:23

The411....I am a SAHM and my husband is a bit controlling when it comes to the finances. (I'm working on changing this) He does provide us with more than we need generally and yes I agree we could have afforded it all if we wanted, but he didn't! MajorieMelon I am not irrationally upset, nor do I have no idea how the majority live. This thread is not about how others live, it is about my disagreement with my DH. I'm sorry if us being better off than most people makes you believe we have "no idea how the majority live" We do and are very grateful to be in our situation.

OP posts:

Fairylea · 14/12/2014 09:25

So what are you planning to spend the other £300 on that you are worried about spending when you have no bills left to pay? Surely you don't need this level of budgeting if you have that much floating about? Just get the bloody boots.

You could have spent £20 on a whole new wardrobe of outfits from primark for the baby and £30 on some decent ish boots for your dd.

But yes your dh should stick to the same budget if he sets you both the same one.

Frogme · 14/12/2014 09:25

So when he went over budget, why didn't you just go out and buy the boots so that you spent the same amount?

I can't understand that mentality. Two wrongs make a right? Let's get even more into debt so we are even.

I would not feel happy having to ask how much I can spend

They both knew they were short. One flagged it up. They both knew they had to stick to the budget. I'm sure if the op couldn't have waited one week for the boots she would have pointed it out and the budget readjusted. The point isn't that he is controlling. He was being sensible. Then he did his own thing. That's the bit she is peeved about. Unless there are other instances we haven't been told about, he is not financially abusive. Most people with decent relationships negotiate the spending and -this is the point- stick to it.

I think jealousy is making a lot of people miss the point.

Lweji · 14/12/2014 09:27

I can get the rush of panic if you are used to have in the 1000s in the bank and then you only see 300 and suddenly think that you do have to watch it, unlike you have been doing so far.
And I understand why you'd suddenly need to budget. But also why you'd allow yourself a bit more, because you know you're not that desperate.

But... I don't get his reaction to your comment.
You haven't said yet if this is common.

Greencurtain · 14/12/2014 09:27

Just put it behind you. Financially you are fine so there isn't a problem.

You had a £50 budget and spent £42. But presumably not many items so easy to quickly add up - eg 3 packs of babygros and 3 packs of vests isn't difficult to add up.

He had a 40 budget and spent 79. But presumably in a supermarket that represented between 30-40 individual items which he probably did not have time to add up and possibly underestimated some of the values.

Chill out, forget about it.

ohtheholidays · 14/12/2014 09:27

I don't care how much money you have your DH was out of order.Your DD needing new boots trumps smoked salmon any day.

You need to speak to your husband about the way he talks to you!He doesn't get to dictate to you,you are his equal!

I hope the way he acted was a one of and that he apologizes to you.

For what it's worth you said you spent £8 under on the baby's clothes,you can pick up some boots for £8 in a supermarket to tide your DD over till your money comes in.

Frogme · 14/12/2014 09:28

Oh just seen he is a bit controlling.

I think the op wouldn't have had an issue if he admitted he'd been wrong to do what he did and apologise.

Fairenuff · 14/12/2014 09:28

I don't understand what the problem is. You say you still have money available. Just get the boots!

If what you are trying to say is that he won't give you the money for the boots then you are in an abusive relationship and need to make plans to leave it.

Which is it OP

Fairenuff · 14/12/2014 09:31

So when he went over budget, why didn't you just go out and buy the boots so that you spent the same amount?

I can't understand that mentality. Two wrongs make a right? Let's get even more into debt so we are even.

No, Frogme, OP says they have the money. They won't get into debt.

Thewrongmans · 14/12/2014 09:31

You are not well off, despite the beautiful home and expensive car, if you cannot even afford a pair of shoes for your child. Does that help you to put it all into perspective?

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