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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be so angry at neighbour

80 replies

Minnie911 · 12/12/2014 22:03

When we first moved in to our flat in summer DP was speaking to neighbour and she asked DP if our flat was a council tenancy - ours is private, neighbours in council - exact same flats.
Anyway since we have lived here said neighbour is only ever at her flat 3 hours ish total per week and maybe 2 nights every fortnight - so obviously spends most of her time at her partners...I do not know this but have seen her in town walking a dog which definatley doesn't live at her flat and I know she works at a local company 9-5 type hours workplace.
Anyway she is a single woman paying half the rent for the same flat and 4 of us are piled in the same flat with no money for extras - and I repetitevly have delivery men at the door with parcels from clothes shops for her.
Aibu to be soo angry? Can I report her or is she doing nothing wrong? There are no council properties in our area and she's not even living there!!

OP posts:
GarlicGiftsAndGlitter · 14/12/2014 07:08

Pity you didn't read the thread, Witches :) Have you ever thought it would be better to have a lot more social housing, so it's there for anyone who wants it?

This was the original idea.

Pensionerpeep · 14/12/2014 09:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sonjadog · 14/12/2014 10:05

When I lived in a flat the woman downstairs from me moved in and then was never there except for a few hours a week. Certainly never stayed overnight. One day I met her outside and she told me that just before she took over the flat her father had had a heart attack, he lived alone and she was staying with him to help him. She was there for over a year before she started staying more in the flat. Even so, she was gone for much of the time. You don't know what's going on in someone else's life.

My current neighbour is gone every other week. When her kids aren't there, she stays with her boyfriend. It's great. The best neighbours are the ones you never see. Enjoy the peace and quiet. It'd be much worse if she played load music to 3am every night.

tattychicken · 14/12/2014 10:21

I will go against the grain and say report her. She is not living there, her main and principle home is elsewhere. The Council can serve a notice to quit on her for non occupation. But before doing this they would interview her, check records eg gas/electric readings, credit checks etc to establish her usage of the flat. If her living elsewhere is a temporary arrangement eg to care for a relative, then that's fine. If she has moved in with her boyfriend and has no intention of returning to live at the flat then that's not fine.

This is very different to staying over at a boyfriends a few nights a week. It sounds like she is not living there, and is therefore not entitled to keep the flat.

EmilyFran · 14/12/2014 10:27

I'm glad you've understood YABU op, but I can't understand what would possess anyone to think this was their business anyway. You can never know other people's circumstances enough to be able to judge in this situation.

xvxvxvxvxvxvxvxv · 14/12/2014 10:31

How pathetic of you op.
Even if she is staying at a partners home, as you've decided, so what? Or off out visiting friends, working, caring for someone, walking someone else's dog or whatever- She's entitled to. She's not sub letting her place. She's not committing a crime. She's simply living her life and I suggest you try to do the same instead of curtain twitching and spying on others.

greeneggsandjam · 14/12/2014 10:31

Sounds like an ideal neighbour to me. How would you feel if the neighbours from hell moved in instead? Also, glad you have decided to back off and stop taking so much interest in how many hours she is at the flat and how many hours she works and what areas she walks a dog in and so on. Think of all the free time you will have to think about more important things now!!!

crumblebumblebee · 14/12/2014 10:59

I do think you need a new perspective, after all "comparison is the thief of joy".

DHandhisJollyCarolingfoot · 14/12/2014 11:11

When I used to live in a council flat and was on benefits I used to have parcels coming all the time - this was because I couldn't afford to buy anything full price and had to get all my stuff second hand from ebay, costing pennies.

Also, if this woman was forced into giving up her flat by a nosy neighbour, then ended up in an abusive relationship with this DP she is staying with, then what? She'd be stuck in the relationship because she'd have no home to return to.

I'm glad you've taken on the resounding YABUs OP.

WhaddayWant · 14/12/2014 11:13

I dunno, Confused is everyone saying that you should never ever report anyone even if you think they have a council tenancy when they shouldn't?

What if the OP knew for sure that the neighbour had the council flat when she shouldn't. Surely she should report it then? If the neighbour had no need for the flat then someone who genuinely needed it could have it.

I agree with everyone else though that in this case the situation isn't clear and it could easily be a temporary situation. Maybe the nieghbour is looking after a sick relative.

LuisSuarezTeeth · 14/12/2014 11:27

Witches that's terrible. All people in council houses should be poor and bloody grateful with it.

tattychicken · 14/12/2014 11:31

Tenancy fraud is illegal!!! Social housing is a very scarce resource. Shocked at all the people saying none of your business. No wonder people get away with it.

LIZS · 14/12/2014 11:32

op can't really know if she is living there or not. Some people come and go at odd times of day for whatever reason. The relationship may be relatively new. Perhaps she was dog walking for a friend or her p , which wasn't illegal last time I looked. By all means refuse her parcels but I'm not sure you can report purely on the basis of what you say.

GarlicGiftsAndGlitter · 14/12/2014 12:02

WTAF, tatty?! Please will you read upthread, especially OP's replies.

The woman has a home, she pays her rent, she has a relationship. Which of those do you think she mustn't have?

GarlicGiftsAndGlitter · 14/12/2014 12:05

Once again - most council & HA flats don't allow pets. If the boyfriend has a dog, what's your solution tatty? Violate the terms of her tenancy, or stay over with partner & pet, then walk dog? Or is she too subhuman to be allowed a boyfriend?

WhaddayWant · 14/12/2014 12:12

Garlic. I think that the OP was initially concerned the neighbour had TWO homes. If that were the case (which we can't know) then its reasonable to expect her to 'give up' the extra one.

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 14/12/2014 12:28

Deffo be grateful for a neighbour that's hardly ever in, I bloody love mine. A major improvement over the Assholes that lived there previously.

If only some of the other pricks round here would piss off.

pregnantpause · 14/12/2014 12:39

My mam has a council house. She spends two maybe three nights a week there- has done for nearly two years. Will continue to until my nan dies- she sleeps in my nans house the rest of the week, to look after her- it's easier for mam to change her pee'd bed sheets, get her dressed and feed her and then go to her actual work, than it is to wake in her own house and travel over to do it. her sister covers the other days. She walks my nans dog. She should definitely lose her home because apparently she's wasting the resourceConfused

LuisSuarezTeeth · 14/12/2014 12:40

What actual evidence is there that any fraud is going on? OP is jealous, plain and simple.

GarlicGiftsAndGlitter · 14/12/2014 12:47

Well, OP isn't jealous any more Xmas Smile She came back to say SWBU and is re-thinking.

LuisSuarezTeeth · 14/12/2014 12:50

Sorry - was jealous

tattychicken · 14/12/2014 12:53

That there is reason to suspect she is not living there as her main home. Her main home looks like it could be elsewhere. Enough suspicion to warrant further investigation. There may be a justifiable reason why she only stays there very occasionally, in which case she can just carry on. If there isn't, IF she is living with her boyfriend and just popping back to get post etc, then she is committing tenancy fraud. So yes, if the OP has concerns, she should report them to the LA. And if she is commiting fraud, the LA can get the property back and rehouse a family out of B and B, or a refuge.

Of course she can have a boyfriend, of course she can have a dog. She can't leave her council flat empty while she lives at another address as her main home.

FeckTheMagicDragon · 14/12/2014 13:07

Can I have your neighbour please? she would be a dream compared to mine ...

GarlicGiftsAndGlitter · 14/12/2014 13:30

Tatty, the tenant hasn't abandoned the property and isn't subletting.

FGS.

Also, before you try another angle, we don't know whether the neighbour's getting housing benefit - but I am; I checked my terms as a result of this thread and I don't even have to tell the HB team unless I'm leaving for more than a month.

Wouldn't you find life easier if you did a little less hating?

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