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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you agree to a stripper?

58 replies

Inncogneetow · 12/12/2014 19:41

I work in an office with a great team, aged 25-55. Some of them are very young, energetic and trendy; I'm not. But generally we all get on well and support one another. We go out 3-4 times a year.

In Jan we had plans to go out for a nice meal to celebrate a birthday, then some people were planning to go clubbing afterwards. Fine. I had no desire to go clubbing (old fart), so would have dipped out at that point, along with others.

Apparently the plans have now changed and we are going to someone's house for a "nice take-away" and a stripper is going to be organised for the birthday girl.

I am really, really uncomfortable with this (old fart). I don't want to be there, but I also don't want to support it in any way. I wouldn't like it if my dh went to such a party and I really disapprove of men or women being 'forced' to work in this way for the entertainment of others.

If I decline the invite now and give reasons, I will obviously be branded even more of an old fart and a killjoy, and they'll claim it's just a bit of fun, but I just hate the thought of it on so many levels.

So, AIBU?

OP posts:
MorelliOrRanger · 12/12/2014 20:35

Nope not my cup of tea either. Yanbu.

Tallypet · 12/12/2014 20:38

I saw a male stripper when I was much younger and honestly I got embarrassed for the young man doing it. I've watched a female stripper once more than once by obsessed ex and felt the same. I am by no means a prude and appreciate what they do and (the ones I met) is their choice to do it.

If you don't want to go just make up an excuse babysitters/other plans etc...

You don't need say why you don't want to go.

YonicSleighdriver · 12/12/2014 20:39

Does the birthday celebrant in question know about this plan?

I would suddenly develop an inconvenient aunt coming to stay...

Want2bSupermum · 12/12/2014 20:40

Totally with you OP. I would speak up to the group and if they don't listen I would speak to your manager/HR and say you are uncomfortable with this and ask what the response would be if it was guys hiring a stripper.

I do not think this is an inclusive activity and just because men have been doing it in the past doesn't mean women should stoop to their level. I am married and would be uncomfortable attending such an event. DH does attend events like this when entertaining certain customers and he knows my thoughts. IMO there is no place for this sort of 'entertainment' as a group activity and plenty of other things to do that are far more entertaining (DH took his office out on a winery tour and paid for everyone to have a case of wine of their choosing sent home). Tomorrow night we are going to a steak house for the office christmas party. DH put it to vote and the office decided they wanted a jazz band and harpist so that is what has been booked! Previous years everyone (employee plus their family) has been invited to the ballet, opera, dance shows (NY Rockettes as we are living just outside NYC) etc. So much to do that is far more entertaining and INCLUSIVE.

Hatespiders · 12/12/2014 20:44

I would detest it and find it terribly sad for the man performing in this way. So sordid and degrading.
I suggest you refuse to attend and to be perfectly honest about why. It's always best to be straightforward and direct about these things. As another poster says (I think it was Anyfucker) one shouldn't care a bit what the others think of you.
I'm old, but I'm fairly sure even some of the younger ones would feel as you do.

MrsPiggie · 12/12/2014 20:49

If you can decline going to a club you can also decline watching a stripper and no one should think you more of an old fart. It's just not your cup of tea. Pop in for the takeaway and leave early. No need to tell them you are against it and why, it's just not your cup of tea.

thursday · 12/12/2014 20:53

No, if a group of friends want to organise a birthday party then that's their business and I'd just not go and judge them but it's totally inappropriate for a staff night out Xmas Confused

BOFster · 12/12/2014 21:02

I would tell them that it's your idea of an excruciating nightmare and that you'll give it a miss if they are going ahead with that aspect of the night. Be upfront. I agree with Anyfucker that it will probably give anyone else uncomfortable with it the confidence to speak up.

I wouldn't go just for the takeaway, as it's unlikely you'd be able to time your escape to avoid the 'surprise'. Ew.

Silverdaisy · 12/12/2014 21:03

Yuck. I would decline the invite. Just say something came up :)

WooWooOwl · 12/12/2014 21:07

I'm not against strippers I just can't see where to start getting enjoyment out of some muscly random bloke writhing around trying to look sexy whilst surrounded by grown women shrieking and giggling like school girls.

I'm very much not an old fart, usually the last to leave most parties or nights out, I just don't see what's fun about basing a night around something so corny and cringeworthy.

There is no shame in telling people that this sort of night doesn't sound like something you'll enjoy, and I'd be willing to bet that others going will feel as you do but will go along with it anyway for fear of looking like a prude.

Original poster
Inncogneetow · 12/12/2014 21:12

Thanks all: really helpful. Your (unusual) unanimity has given me the confidence to be upfront and say that I don't want to go to an event with a stripper.

I don't quite get the thing about a "work night out" and a "group of friends". We view ourselves as mates, indeed former colleagues come along to these events too. It's not really anything to do with the company, almost a random coincidence that we all work there.

OP posts:
peasandlove · 12/12/2014 21:18

I'd go. But I also wouldn't worry about saying "no" if I didn't want to. Just say "look it's not my bag, I'll leave before he gets there" and leave it at that.

DustOffYourHighestHopes · 12/12/2014 21:21

(P.S. It's nothing to do with your age. Perhaps age gives us confidence to go 'I don't give a shit what you think - here's what I think'. I'm 30 but wouldn't want to see a stripper even at 18)

FamiliesShareGerms · 12/12/2014 21:23

Sounds grim. I'd say no and explain why. It's not being a killjoy to not want to be part of the sex industry

MinnieM1 · 12/12/2014 21:30

I don't have anything against strippers, but in your living room?? That would be the most awkward uncomfortable cringeworthy few minutes of my life!!
Is this a thing now? Curry & a cock?

LaurieFairyCake · 12/12/2014 21:33

Wouldn't go either and would be vocal about it

Can you imagine sitting there eating your battered sausage and thinking it looks like the strippers crusty cock?

LaQueenAnd3KingsOfOrientAre · 12/12/2014 21:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BOFster · 12/12/2014 22:02

That would be the Fifty Shades trilogy and a couple of Sophie Kinsella then- shouldn't take long Xmas Grin

Tallypet · 12/12/2014 22:14

Don't go if you don't want to. But, for me, I wouldn't insult anyone by saying WHY I wasn't going and definitely not involve HR Hmm it's a private party not paid for by your company.

One doesn't have to go in all guns a blazing - be polite, make excuses and don't go. You don't have to or need to explain your reasons.

Gatehouse77 · 12/12/2014 22:22

I would not go either. Just cannot see the appeal and if I want to be tittilated I'd rather do that in the privacy of my own home!

TInselaffe · 12/12/2014 22:35

YANBU. I'm (very much!) under 30 and would hate hate hate it. It's exploitation and vile.

TheWanderingUterus · 12/12/2014 22:40

Ugh I wouldn't go. I don't find strippers funny, arousing or ironic, just a bit silly and sad.

WD41 · 12/12/2014 22:41

Absolutely grim. I wouldn't go and I wouldn't care what the others thought because it's a pretty inappropriate idea for a works social event

Fallenangle · 12/12/2014 22:53

'sorry I cant make it tonight the cat has bronchitis'

ilovesooty · 12/12/2014 23:05

I'm finding this thread quite heartening. I recently attended a hen party and just before it took place a stripper was suggested. I said I really wasn't keen but I was very much on my own. On the night, having paid my share for the karaoke booth I was asked for my contribution for the stripper and there was no real way I could refuse - especially as the hen apparently wanted it. I spent the entire time trying to look anywhere but at him and I must admit if I'd known at the beginning it was going to happen I'm not sure I'd have gone at all, so in your position I think I'd decide not to attend.

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