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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find ILs sticking "the" in front of DS's name a bit annoying?

84 replies

MaryBerrysBum · 12/12/2014 17:27

Ever since DS was born my younger BIL decided to use "the" in front of his name when speaking about him. So rather than saying "How's Jack* doing?" He'd ask "How's the Jack doing?"

MIL has picked this up and we've just received our Christmas card addressed to me, DH and the Jack.

This is really starting to irritate me for some reason. AIBU?

*His name isn't Jack but it's similar, trying not to completely out myself in case MIL is a secret mumsnetter.

OP posts:
Original poster
MaryBerrysBum · 12/12/2014 21:26

His name's not a noun and it's sadly not the Chad either!

OP posts:
s113 · 12/12/2014 21:29

Reading my way through The Chalet School, I find all the references to "The Robin" a bit peculiar.

Susiesoop · 12/12/2014 21:33

I think YABU..as I errr... do this exact same "The" with my youngest son, The Jack thing (he's not a Jack either btw!) started by accident when he was quite small e.g I'd come in ask my DH "and how is The Jack today?' I have no idea why I started to do this. I do make up nicknames for my children. So I am not sure I'd mind someone else having a pet name for them, especially when they mean it affectionately. I think it's sweet. I like when mine have pet names for their grandparents too.

Fiftyplusmum · 12/12/2014 21:42

Or just call all of them "The whatevertheirnameis" & pretend you are entering into the spirit of it. In person. Wouldn't do it on a card.

JohnFarleysRuskin · 12/12/2014 21:43

Arghhh I do this!

carabos · 12/12/2014 21:46

According to a thread running on here the other day, it's perfectly ok to change, ignore or shorten someone's name if you don't like it or its double-barrelled and therefore "infantile" and something that should have been "grown out of".Hmm

ElviraCondomine · 12/12/2014 21:46

I woud be irritated.

MIL recently sent an email to DH saying she had just realised she had missed (and I quote directly) "your daughters' birthdays." (They were 7 and 3 months ago, so yes, just a bit.) You can just feel the warmth and grandmotherly love in that phrase can't you. Hmm

chirrza · 12/12/2014 21:56

Is it a regional thing? In my dh's family everybody is "the boy" or "the insert name". It's just what they do.

treaclesoda · 12/12/2014 22:02

If it annoys you, it annoys you, and that's that.

I don't know what to do about it though. My MIL calls my children 'it' instead of he and she. It is pretty common where I am for babies to be referred to as 'the baby' instead of their name, I'd say almost everyone does it, so I hoped once we passed the baby stage she would stop referring to my DD as 'it' but no, 8 years later I still get 'oh, it was singing in the school choir today'. It makes me feel murderous.

Binkybix · 12/12/2014 22:06

I can't imagine getting annoyed by this at all.

Hakluyt · 12/12/2014 22:07

Why on earth would you "have a word" about a harmless endearment? Oh, yes, I remembe. Because in laws have no feelings to be hurt, and should not expect to have any sort of relationship with their grandchildren not mediated through their dil.

CocobearSqueeze · 12/12/2014 22:13

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

dwarfrabbit · 12/12/2014 22:32

treaclesoda we must be SILs!
my MIL used to say 'oh do look at it!" and 'it's looking hungry'. I was so flabbergasted that i didn't say anything , and she eventually used names. Never heard about 'the Jack' either. He's not likely to be offended, so unless they refer to him as 'the weasly faced spawn' just put it down to IL weirdness.

gotthemoononastick · 12/12/2014 22:39

Yep,Hahluyt...they're damned if they do or don't! Just a love name...The Jack!... actually very sweet.

My sons write' The Mater ' in my cards.

Original poster
MaryBerrysBum · 13/12/2014 06:57

cocobear I did wonder if because they didn't like his name originally.

Thanks for all the replies, I know it would be awful to mention it as I'm pretty sure they don't mean any harm. Will just grit my teeth around future card giving times Wink

OP posts:
Original poster
MaryBerrysBum · 13/12/2014 06:58

*I did wonder if it was because

OP posts:
makapakasdirtysponge · 13/12/2014 08:24

My mum refers to my sister's children as "the kids". Not sure what my DC are then!

maddening · 13/12/2014 09:29

Start to refer to mil as " the mother in law" so " does the mother in law want a cup of tea" and " hi the mother in law" - similarly with bil

Hakluyt · 13/12/2014 09:57

"Start to refer to mil as " the mother in law" so " does the mother in law want a cup of tea" and " hi the mother in law" - similarly with bil"

Yes,you could. It would be incredibly rude, but you could.

NCIS · 13/12/2014 10:02

It could be worse, DD used to call us 'the parental units', she was a teenager though and it did make us laugh. Now it's just the aged relics. Grin

Quangle · 13/12/2014 10:07

Why on earth would you "have a word" about a harmless endearment? Oh, yes, I remembe. Because in laws have no feelings to be hurt, and should not expect to have any sort of relationship with their grandchildren not mediated through their dil

Totally agree with Hakluyt. Have a word with pils because they have a pet name for their beloved grandchild? Why on earth would you do that?

ApocalypseThen · 13/12/2014 10:13

Why on earth would you do that?

Because relationships descend along matrilineal lines. Don't these in laws realise that they only have a relationship at the pleasure of the child's mother and unless they adhere to the guidelines (subject to change) they must be corrected and, preferably, banished?

Showy · 13/12/2014 10:27

I love the fact that my ILs have affectionate names for my dc. Loved is the child of many names. It evolved as part of their enduring love for their grandchildren and is nothing but a sign of the unique and special relationship they share. Sending passive aggressive Christmas cards or having a word are the last things I'd do. People probably find it irksome that I call ds Buggerlugs or dd Squigsy but I don't have to filter my affection for my children through other people's idiosyncracies.

iamEarthymama · 13/12/2014 10:27

In our house, everyone knows that I am likely to call you the wrong name, it's a running joke!
I always say 'if I am looking at you then I mean you!'
In my defence I am a childminder so spend my time with lots of small people, though that is an excuse for my flighty brain
My mum and my aunts and grandmother were the same with names so it's no big thing.

I say to all my grandsons when we are cwtching on the sofa
"Oh you are my best boy! Whos's my best boy? Then I say Don't tell Big Brother1, Don't tell Big Brother2, don't tell Uncle, Daddy and we start laughing and cwtch up
Often all the others would be in the room!
Granddaughter is just worshipped with no rivals.

Then again I was known as Baby Earthy until I was about 15.

OP Please don't take this seriously, unless you feel they don't like the baby. If they show their love just accept it as their family way.

Quenelle · 13/12/2014 10:36

I think it's nice. It's like they're saying he's not just any Jack, he's the Jack.