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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

dds 3rd birthday.

154 replies

zobey · 12/12/2014 14:37

So dd is 3 in Jan, and I've got her everything she wanted for Xmas. I've got her for her bday, a tablet kids one cost 42.00, desk cost 19.99, duplo cost 19.99, dressing up trunk 24.99, two dresses I've had made for her 26 each. And a play house cost 179.99. I'll get her craft bits to go with the desk but do you think that's enough or am I being tight. I'm also going to get her the frozen wand that sings that she wants that's 12.99.

OP posts:
itiswhatitiswhatitis · 13/12/2014 10:12

Put money on the OP being one of those types to post pictures on facebook of all the presents wrapped up.

I find it odd that you can't use your own judgement to know if this is a 'decent' amount of gifts for your dd. Everyone's expectations and values at Christmas are different. I know mine get more than some and less than others but I can see for myself if I have bough the 'right' amount in relation to my own beliefs about how much I think is enough.

Very weird OP that you can't judge for yourself.

RaisingMen · 13/12/2014 10:21

OP, I'm not going to judge you for what you chose to spend on you DD. If you can realistically afford to buy all of that, then that is your choice. Some would say I spoil my son too, but again I buy in cash and don't get in to debt so it's my business.

What I DO judge you for is coming here and posting a list including prices. You must know how some people struggle, and your post is incredibly poor taste.

As another poster said, you list all these 'things' but do you spend quality time with your child? Why does she need a tablet - limit her time on yours, she should be outside playing or using her imagination at this stage not sat in front of a screen constantly. I don't think your life is as perfect as you'd have us believe if you need to seek validation from Internet strangers.

KatriKling · 13/12/2014 10:25

Baffled by this post, I can't take it seriously. It sounds like it's written by someone living in an alternate reality.

manicinsomniac · 13/12/2014 10:38

Haha, YES, you have got her enough presents!
You'll be in danger of raising a future Dudley Dursley if you carrying on stressing over amount like this:

Dudley: How many are there?
Vernon: 36. I counted them myself.
Dudley: 36?! But last year, last year I had 37!
Vernon: But some of them are quite a bit bigger than last year.
Dudley: I don't care how big they are.
Vernon: Okay, we'll get you another present when we're out at the zoo.

Pagwatch · 13/12/2014 10:40

Wanting to buy your child a lot of presents is a common enough urge.

Wanting to post a list of what you have bought, complete with prices and then gibber on about whether it is enough is deeply weird.

If your intention is to give your daughter a massively fucked up set of priorities then continue.

If you don't then maybe buy her what you want to but stop talking about what it costs and equating love with stuff. It's making you seem crass and an awful parent.

ChasedByBees · 13/12/2014 10:42

I think it's too much.

At 3, she'll be overwhelmed by all the stuff so what's the point? I have a similar ages DD and she has one big thing and some small presents. I think if you give all that now you risk everything becoming valueless and her never appreciating anything.

For me as a child the anticipation of getting something was fantastic. If I had everything I wanted, there would have been no surprise. As an adult I can pretty much buy what I want and it makes birthdays / Christmas less fun I think.

Don't spoil her.

ChasedByBees · 13/12/2014 10:43

By the way, I think I may also know OP and she is serious.

NancyRaygun · 13/12/2014 10:43

Yuck. What a weird post OP!

ilovesooty · 13/12/2014 10:45

That little girl is going to be a spoilt, princessy tantrummy little madam.

If she isn't already, of course.

I feel a bit sorry for the OP. Imagine having so little self esteem that you need to boost and have a load of strangers validating your choices. Not to mention measuring yourself by how much you spend on plastic tat and having so little understanding of wider society and how people live.

There's been no acknowledgement here of how distasteful her boasting is.

AShynessThatIsCriminallyVulgar · 13/12/2014 10:50

Who gives a shiny shit what a load of strangers on the internet think?
Did you really post for opinions to help you decide if that was enough gifts?

So if 80% if posters replying say that's not enough and 20% say that's enough, you would go out and buy more because this lot told you to?

Would you bollocks.

You've posted here (in the wrong place, BTW, try a mum's budgeting page on FB) to get a load of back pats on how much you've bought, ooh, you must love your lil princess soooooooo much to buy her all that plastic shit that will be on land fill in 6 months or less.

evalyn · 13/12/2014 10:58

zobey, judging (which seems to be what you want) on what you say, you sound a foolish and somewhat sad parent. You seem to know the price of everything but the value of nothing. Your DD will probably survive her upbringing children are very resilient but you're certainly not making it easy for her.

Instead of spending so much money, try to give your DD more of your time and show your love by your behaviour to and with her. Talk more to her; play more with her; read her more books; tell her more stories; sing more songs to/with her; explain more to her about things she's interested in (that's pretty much everything, she's almost three years old!); give her more hugs cuddles and kisses ... and also reduce the amount of money you spend on presents by a factor of at least ten. (Just because you can afford to spend loads of dosh doesn't mean you should spend loads.) I'm sure you get the picture. That'll help her grow up happy and fulfilled.

Try to distinguish price from value. That's my advice, fwiw. Perhaps a bit sanctimonious-sounding, but, well, it worked for my own children (and seems to be working, so far, for their children too).

Sazzle41 · 13/12/2014 11:13

Thats ridiculous, she is 3. She'd be happy with one thing and nothing else. Most sensible parents get one main present then some little ones.

More importantly you are going to teach her that giving is all about how much you spend , not the thought that went into the gift. On top of that, it sends the message that material 'stuff' and how much you 'have' is what life is all about. Are you grossly overcompensating for not having had much growing up ? Life isnt about material things, it really isnt. I have been both well off and skint, being well off didnt make me any happier then when i had nothing.

And yes its a stealth boast rubbing their nose in it for people on here who have very little to spend.

SholerAndChocolate · 13/12/2014 16:34

Zobey, a quick mn search shows that you aren't happy and your family isn't perfect. I'm sorry you feel the need to boast so much, but as others have said it's crass, boastful and disgusting and also knowing you from the other place I'm happy to say you are damaging your daughter.

WeirdCatLady · 13/12/2014 18:19

OP, what were you hoping to achieve from this thread?

If you are truly concerned that you haven't bought "enough" for your child then you have issues and should be concerned. How much you spend on your child does not equate in any way to how good (or bad) a parent you are.

If you were just stealth bragging then you are a twat.

Angelhairscruff · 13/12/2014 18:29

Anyone who lists the prices of their gifts on here like you have op, is IMO a show off fool, and that does not make you a good parent. Far from it. I hope your dd doesn't grow up to copy that behaviour

ilovesooty · 13/12/2014 18:32

I'm stuck on a long coach journey so I looked at the OP 's other posts. Her daughter already seems very influenced by consumerism and tantrums when she doesn't get her own way. Unsurprising really. And far from the OP having a "perfect" life it seems to be anything but.
She must have real issues to address.

QuickSilverFairy · 13/12/2014 19:57

Such a sad thread.

IgnoreMeEveryOtherReindeerDoes · 13/12/2014 19:59

Maybe OP listed prices so all us who manage to find bargains and not pay full price for such items can feel pretty smug

katese11 · 13/12/2014 20:42

dd is 2.5 and I thought I'd gone a bit wild on her Xmas presents. This thread has made me tot it up....less than £30 Grin God bless Wilco and local selling sites - for that she has a Frozen Dvd, a duplo house, a hobby horse, wooden play food and a sling for her dolls. Add stocking fillers and new PJS for Xmas eve and that's plenty for a preschooler!

wingsandstrings · 14/12/2014 16:33

OP, if this is a serious posting I think that you should probably talk to a counsellor about your extreme need for affirmation from total strangers. Also, you should perhaps do some thinking about what makes children happy and resilient, and what makes them unhappy (materialistic children tend to be deeply unhappy and discontent). I'm not being mean, I genuinely think that your post indicates some deep-seated issues that will affect your and your DD's happiness. There may be all sorts of reasons that you feel this way, and they should be explored. All the best this Christmas.

Ridingthestorm · 14/12/2014 22:12

Zobey
You need to speak to a counsellor. You have deep rooted self esteem issues and your unhappiness in your life (marriage) is being masked by your incessant demand to indulge your daugher in material possessions.
Why do you feel the need for your daughter to 'have everything'?
Do you think it will make her love you more?
Do you think it will make people like you/think of you as a caring parent?
Do you think 'A' will have more friends?

Whatever the reasons you give 'Zobey' you are in danger of creating a materialistic monster. There may come a time when you will be unable to keep up with the demands of present buying. How will you explain that to a child/teenager who has seemingly had everything she has asked for her entire life?

Will she ever learn to work for things she wants, or will you forever serve it on a gold plate without question?

If you don't STOP now with the materialistic indulgement, you are in serious danger of not only creating a selfish little monster but finding yourself with absolutely nothing - money, love, friends and happiness.

Seriously, Zobey, start LISTENING!!!

murmuration · 14/12/2014 23:03

That sounds like plenty! At not-yet-3, your DD really shouldn't have an opinion on whether you've gotten her "enough" or not. Well, they probably never should, as that's being entitled, but to have such an opinion at almost 3 I would say is incredibly bizzarre and would be a much bigger concern. If you're worried about that, I think you need to think about what you're teaching her and how you can change things before she gets older and becomes more self-aware.

bearwithspecs · 14/12/2014 23:09

Obscene amount but everyone knows that. Seriously awful lessons to teach DC

dotdotdotmustdash · 14/12/2014 23:17

My kids are both January birthdays. When they were little I used to buy too much for them at Christmas and be horrified when it came to wrapping it all. I would generally take at least 1/4 of the gifts and put them by for their birthdays. Even as they have grown I've never spent much on them for their birthdays, they have no issues with that as they understand that it's a tough month financially.

Ridingthestorm · 15/12/2014 09:53

I am a January birthday. I got a 'main' present and about six or seven smaller presents (colouring books and slippers included) as a child. My son is late December birthday so usually we don't get him a birthday present (also 3 Zobey!) as birthday parties always result in a bin bag full from friends anyways. This year, he isn't having a party; too expensive to do every year, too much work five days after Christmas, most people away for new year and with number two due in three months, we need to seriously re-think how we do things NOW as DS is much younger and too little to notice much difference.
So this year he has a 'main' present. Much more expensive than presents in the past but it is a one-off purchase; it won't be repeated! The rest of the presents are smaller items. He wil get ONE present for his birthday from us as he isn't having a party.