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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to say even though I still send Christmas cards, I also give money to charity?

31 replies

FunnyBird · 12/12/2014 12:36

I can't rant about this on Facebook, because I'll upset some of those people who are giving to charity in memory of loved ones or whatever.
But it does rankle. I feel it's implied that I'm a bad person and a charity donation shirker because I am sending Christmas cards.
Isn't this "I'm giving to charity instead of sending Christmas cards" thing more about aiding gilt for being too lazy or disorganised to send card.
rant over

OP posts:

NoSundayWorkingPlease · 12/12/2014 12:41

I had an email last week from a woman in my department saying it had been 'decided' that no one would send Xmas Cards and instead we'd all donate a fiver to X charity.

I had a hard time to not send her a Christmas card with 'Fuck Off' scrawled inside tbh. Really gets on my tits being told not to send cards. Cards and donations to charity are two seperate things.

arlagirl · 12/12/2014 12:42

I just can't be arsed to do cards. Have sent 3 to ancient relatives.
I don't display any I get. Just go in recycling.

LadyLuck10 · 12/12/2014 12:43

I think you can choose to be offended by this or not. If you want to give cards then do that.

Fallingovercliffs · 12/12/2014 12:45

I think the reason people do that is to explain to people they normally send cards to why they won't be getting one this year; as opposed to wanting to announce they're making a donation to charity.

Original poster

FunnyBird · 12/12/2014 12:47

I'm trying to choose not to be offended. But it all rankles.

OP posts:

LeMooseSeTaitANoel · 12/12/2014 12:47

I can't afford cards, I can afford a small donation though. That is my excuse.
I am not judging you or saying I am better than you because I give, I am saying people judge one for not sending cards. And they shouldn't.

Mousefinkle · 12/12/2014 12:49

Cards are a pointless waste of resources and indeed, get in the way. Always go straight into the shit cupboard and clog it up in this house (I feel strangely sentimental about them as much as I don't like them...) I don't display them, don't appreciate them and really just wish people wouldn't bother. Also don't send them and don't especially donate to charity in lieu either. I'm horrible .

You shouldn't be forced into donating to any charity OR into not giving cards. Do what you want.

wowfudge · 12/12/2014 12:51

I think it's personal choice whether to donate to charity, whenever it is. I have a sneaking suspicion that sometimes some people say they have made a donation when perhaps they haven't - but I know others who send a Christmas donation receipt/greeting by email once they have donated to charity.

I like sending and receiving Christmas cards and use them as part of the decorations at home.

Being dictated to over donation v. cards - nah, sod off!

jimmycrackcornbutidontcare · 12/12/2014 12:51

I find it obnoxious. There is no need to announce when you give to charity. Most people give to charity at Xmas if they can afford it. If you don't want to send Xmas cards don't. There is no need to pretend that the reason you are not sending Xmas cards is because you are a great and generous charity giver who likes to proudly announce it to the world. Wish people a merry Christmas or keep quiet.

BackforGood · 12/12/2014 12:51

YANBU to say that, if you want to make a 'thing' about your charity giving - many, many people have standing orders going out each month to various cause and manage it without shouting about it.

I like, and yes, encourage the giving one card / message and a small donation to the charity chosen by the person who organises it for lots of things I belong to, and for work. It does save me time, yes., and also all those dilemmas about how many you feel you ought to send, and 'If I send to X then I need to send to Y as well' type thoughts.
Obviously though NoSunday that should be an option that is offered, and not a command.

I still post them to people I'm in touch with but won't be seeing over the Christmas period. Indeed, I love getting cards and letters at Christmas from a few people that I only tend to be in touch with at Christmas.

Original poster

FunnyBird · 12/12/2014 13:01

I like getting the cards, and displaying them. So I still send them.
I'm glad I'm not the only one who finds the Charity announcements a bit rude.
And thanks for listening.

OP posts:

cardibach · 12/12/2014 13:20

It's not about laziness or lack of organisation! How judgemental op! Neither is it about shouting about charity donations. It's about reducing waste and not seeing the point of cards. I tell people where a donation is going instead as I feel it is a good thing to do. Just like you, OP and PPs, I donate to charity throughout the year, quietly. It isn't either or.

OfaFrenchMind · 12/12/2014 13:32

You do not owe anything to Charities. If you do not want to pay their massive administration costs and ridiculous wages, more power to you. You are literally mobbed by charities in the UK, that's very off putting.

However, it's Christmas time, enjoy it as much as you want, and if Christmas cards is part of it, the send away :)

Original poster

FunnyBird · 12/12/2014 16:07

If you don't see the point of cards, that's fine. Don't send any.
If you want to reduce waste, fine. Let people know you don't send cards for environmental reasons. Great, then they won't be offended that you've snubbed them. Fine.
Why link it to your charitable giving?
If it's not about shouting about your good works and how wonderful you are because you donate to charity, why do you need to mention that you've donated?

OP posts:

skylark2 · 12/12/2014 16:19

I like giving and receiving Christmas cards, so I send them.

I also give to charity. Without bragging about it on Facebook.

specialsubject · 12/12/2014 16:22

oh dear, it is a faux pas to send Xmas cards? Should I stop birthday cards too?

that's a shame. I'm just writing the last of mine. To people whom I'm pretty sure will be pleased to see them and won't recycle them straight away. I like to hear from people too, although if it just email or ecards that's fine too.

but no presents, that IS a waste of resources!

charity donation? That's my business and not related to the cards.

Pandora37 · 12/12/2014 16:25

I do think not sending Christmas cards is a bit miserable, but that's just my opinion. I really like getting cards, even from random relatives who I never see. I always buy charity Christmas cards, so some money does go to charity. I also know someone who is the boss of her own very small charity and she still sent me a card. She is getting on though, I think sending cards is more the done thing among older people.

I know someone who made an announcement on Facebook that having spent an afternoon with her children helping them write cards she'd decided she wasn't going to write any this year and she was going to donate to charity instead. She had lots of people saying well done to her. To me, it read as because she'd spent an afternoon helping her children write cards she couldn't be bothered to write any of her own. But maybe I'm just cynical.

Bulbasaur · 12/12/2014 16:56

Ah, so basically it's getting sanctimonious about not sending Christmas cards. They're not being cheap and miserable, they're donating to charity.

Should give them a charity goat for Christmas. You're not giving them a gift because you're donating to charity instead.

hackmum · 12/12/2014 17:02

Jimmy has said it very well. The truth is, it's taking a selfish act (not sending any Christmas cards) and making it look like a noble one (giving to charity).

But you personally are not making any sacrifice at all - you're just saving yourself the faff of sending Christmas cards.

beginnerrunner · 12/12/2014 18:10

I don't send cards. I give to charity because I want to acknowledge that I care for people but not for crappy cards which 99% of the time don't contain any kind of thoughtful message. They get thrown in the bin by Jan 2nd and no one remembers who they received them from. I stand by my decision.

jimmycrackcornbutidontcare · 12/12/2014 19:54

That's a fine decision. Do you announce it though? Do you write on your Facebook - I am a good person. I have given to charity?

ghostyslovesheep · 12/12/2014 20:00

I love giving and receiving cards - ours don't go in the bin - they are saved for craft stuff

I also give to charity

I don't feel I need my ego stroked enough to announce either on FB

Lomega · 12/12/2014 20:13

What about charity Christmas cards? If the cards have the name of the charity you bought them from scrawled on the back, you can still send them and be giving to a good cause. We buy ours from Save The Children, because we like the designs and it's a charity we believe in. I'd love to have a conversation with someone who begrudged getting a card from us for that reason!

cardibach · 13/12/2014 09:05

hackmum of course there is sacrifice involved - the money! It could have been spent selfishly, but hasn't been!

HappySeven · 13/12/2014 09:13

Thank goodness I'm not alone - I've been thinking the same thing, Funny.

I can't decide whether I'm not meant to send these people a card either, are they really trying to say they don't like receiving cards either?

Maybe someone should create a card saying "I give to charity but I still love you and want you to know I'm thinking of you at Christmas" because that's why I send cards.

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