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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To consider getting DD and iPad for Christmas?

59 replies

lollylolster · 12/12/2014 12:23

I know from other posts that iPads/tablets can be controversial but DD1 is nearly 13, mature, responsible and very tech-savvy. She would really like and iPad for Christmas, is happy for it to be an older model, second hand refurbished and if she gets that doesn’t want anything else. She also says if she’s lucky enough to get one she would happily share with DD2 (10). I think this is a very reasonable request and we can easily afford it (we have a good income).

DH is very against it. He thinks she’s too young, doesn’t need it since she has an (old) iPod and we shouldn’t be buying into all the commercialism/consumerism of Christmas.

DH seems very proud that he doesn’t have a smart phone, we don’t have a wii or an xbox or a laptop or any other tablets. Although he actually has an iPad – this was provided by his work and because of that no one else is allowed to use it (unless he needs help with something).

I’m 10 years younger than DH and work in IT. I totally get the appeal of an iPad and think she would get fantastic use out of it, whether it’s researching for homework or watching a movie (DH controls the remote for our TV).

I’m struggling with everything just now and this seems to be getting to me more than it should. I lost DM quite suddenly a few months ago (I’m an only child, dad died when I was 4 so we were very close). I asked DH to help with Christmas this year since he’s had a lot of time off work and I knew I would struggle to cope, but he refused saying I just had poor time management. So I’ve managed to get everything organised except DD1’s main present. I just can’t bring myself to spend the same amount (or more) on something else when I could actually get her the one thing she really wants, and now it’s getting closer.

I’ve tried to talk to him about it but he says he’ll get furious if I mention it again, and there’s no way I should even consider going behind his back when he’s said ‘no’.

I’m not sure if I’m maybe just trying to compensate in some way? DD’s were very close to DM who loved to spoil them at Christmas so I know that’ll leave a big gap this year so I feel it’s up to me to try & make it special? Is DH right, have I just lost all perspective?

OP posts:
ZeViteVitchofCwismas · 12/12/2014 13:11

Usually i am erring on side of young people getting too much screen time in their youth rather than the costs and other implications of ipads and so on.

however at 13 I think something like this is fine....what about a compromise for a hudl or something, its great your DH is proud of not having latest tech but this is the new world!

he still has an impact by his stand and your dd will be influenced by him eve with her own tech stuff.

Original poster
lollylolster · 12/12/2014 13:12

You lovely people are very perceptive as usual. Yes, DH does show signs of being very controlling at times. I work in IT beside some amazing programmers and developers - I would love either DD's to go down that route. A laptop and coding course is a brilliant idea! Maybe I should just invest in some better technology around the home in the pretext it's for me.

OP posts:
Littleturkish · 12/12/2014 13:18

I disagree that a laptop is better- and iPad is way more versatile and with a keyboard it is just as good.

What is the best method of communication with your husband? If he won't talk about it, could you email him/write a letter?

It is incredibly unreasonable to not engage in a proper dialogue about it.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 12/12/2014 13:20

You want her to have one, he doesnt. He seems to think that his opinion on this beats yours and isnt prepared to compromise.

For that sheer arsiness I would buy the IPad and tell him if he didnt like it he could leave.

NotYouNaanBread · 12/12/2014 13:22

Interesting that he is in a snit about technology when you work in that very field. Don't suppose you happen to outearn him, by any chance? Does it seem like he has a bit of a grudge against your career at all?

Look at me, really WAAAY too much into a perfectly innocent post! Sorry!

KoalaDownUnder · 12/12/2014 13:22

Well, my nieces had to have iPads for school when they started year 7, aged 12! (As in, it was a requirement by the school and the parents had to purchase it.)

I'm more anti-technology for children than anyone I know, and even I think your DH is being unreasonable.

Iggly · 12/12/2014 13:23

Your problem is your DH. Not the iPad thing.

SageSeymour · 12/12/2014 13:24

You should get this moved to relationships. This isn't about iPads and you don't really need posters talking to you about that. You need proper advice on giving yourself a Christmas present- leaving your absolute arse of a husband

I hope you're ok. Chin up . Oh and get that iPad

TeenagersDriveMeMad · 12/12/2014 13:28

Buy the iPad.

Your H is a dick.

Original poster
lollylolster · 12/12/2014 13:32

I could out-earn him but I (happily) took a step back when we had kids to support him - he works away a lot. The consensus seems to be that an iPad is not unreasonable for DD. I guess I'll have to try and raise the subject again, even if it does make him furious. As someone posted above, I can't really just go ahead and hope for the best on Christmas morning.

I'm just a bit frustrated today as I'm at home on my own and could be researching the best iPad deal instead of trying to think of what else I could get DD.

Thank you for all the input - my thoughts were going round in circles.

OP posts:
CocktailQueen · 12/12/2014 13:35

Your dh is being really odd and awkward - he has an iPad but refuses to let anyone else use it? He said you had poor time management? He controls the remote?? Is he this controlling all the time? You are a partnership - he is not your boss. You are allowed to disagree with him -you don';t have to do as he says!

An ipad is a prefect pressie for your dd. My two have used ours for two years and they love it - games, homework research, Sky sports site for football results, kindle app - there are loads of uses for it. You can also use Word and Excel on it...

Can you show your dh this thread and see that everyone thinks he is BU?
Or perhaps not, given some of the things you say here.

Perhaps you should buy your dd an ipad and get rid of your husband for Christmas?

Pinkpanthershow · 12/12/2014 13:40

Sorry for the loss of your DM. Look after yourself, and I hope your DH is more supportive. I agree the ipad is a perfect present

pinkyredrose · 12/12/2014 13:40

Get the iPad ditch the husband.

Mammanat222 · 12/12/2014 13:42

Blimey, agree with everyone who says ditch the husband and get the iPad.

He sounds like a nightmare.

He sounds controlling and mean and unreasonable.

NotYouNaanBread · 12/12/2014 13:51

OP - Just PM'ed you on a completely unrelated topic!

eggsandwich · 12/12/2014 13:52

My DD is 12 and we have brought her an iPad for Christmas, we both felt that she is now old enough to appreciate it and look after it.

Original poster
lollylolster · 12/12/2014 14:04

Your posts have all been so nice. I actually thought a few people might have agreed with him and I wanted honest neutral opinions to see if I was being unreasonable. We've been together 20 years but I just don't know what he's thinking. I don't know whether he genuinely thinks getting DD an iPad is a terrible idea or there's something deeper going on and he's testing me somehow by asserting his authority. I've started realising that I tend to go along with his opinion to keep the peace but sometimes he'll even contradict himself so that he maintains an opposing view (to me) on something. Hmmm... maybe I should have posted this in 'relationships'?!

OP posts:
ellenjames · 12/12/2014 14:29

Yep at that age it's an ideal present your dh sounds like an arse!

pinkyredrose · 12/12/2014 15:08

He's your husband not your father. Do you really want to spend another 20 yrs keeping the peace and being told what to watch on tv?

I asked DH to help with Christmas this year since he’s had a lot of time off work and I knew I would struggle to cope, but he refused saying I just had poor time management

This comment says it all. He sees himself as above shitwork but sees it as your job. The very fact that you had to ask him to 'help' shows that you're not a united front.

missnevermind · 12/12/2014 15:19

Buy her the top spec kindle.
When DH kicks off tell him it's just a book. If he is useless at IT you will get away with it for a while. Wink

Johnogroats · 12/12/2014 15:21

I love it Missnevermind!

QueenTilly · 12/12/2014 15:27

He's being unreasonable about the iPad, but that doesn't help you with the issue of how to deal with him. I have a tablet (I loathe apple, but not the point of the thread Grin) and I use it lots for my own studies as well as MN. I would certainly want a teenager to have easy access to some kind of tablet/laptop!

MillionToOneChances · 12/12/2014 15:30

She's the perfect age for it, and it will get used loads for homework and games. I don't like the sound of how your H speaks to you... :(

MillionToOneChances · 12/12/2014 15:32

A top spec full colour Kindle would be a good compromise :)

OnMyWhistle · 12/12/2014 15:42

OP you are her mother - if you want DD to have an iPad just do it - if your husband wasn't such a control freak you wouldn't have to 'go behind his back'. He sounds like an arse and you need to address this somehow.