To have an imaginary 'piece of mind' at this rude girl - even though she was long gone!

[Leela5]

Got off train at Victoria today and was walking to ticket barriers with everyone else - it's rush hour so lots of people.

I'm 9 weeks pregnant and in that period of feeling constantly knackered and hungover, so I'm just concentrating on the job at hand, hoping not to be sick on the man in front's Burberry coat. Surrounded by people so can't walk any faster than I am.

Next thing I know I'm being rudely pushed by a young girl, who shoves me sideways and pushes past.

'Excuse me!' I say loudly, 'excuse me!'

'Well walk faster then!' she retorts, tosses her hair and strides off, looking all youthful, carefree and non-sicky.

AIBU to have then spent a disproportionate amount if time replaying the situation in my head, where I'd come out with the perfect restort ; equally heartfelt, equally cutting, rendering her so full of remorse that she falls over her words in apology?

Am I completely doolally, or does anyone else do this too? And why can I never think of the perfect thing to say at the time?

Mum - strangely enough I AM a Take That fan and I do remember at the time saying 'that would never have happened at Take That!'

Hooray for the polite Thatters of the world!

I had this the other way, going through Oyster card barriers I got shoved in the back and pushed as someone tapped in before or after me (she was behind me). I was so cross I said something rude loudly and she came back and we had a little contretemps me fighting my corner 100%. She won't do it or will think twice again!

This was in a suburban station (Sw19 dahlings) but was quiet and the rude cow had other working machines to tap on!

The worst thing was that I didn't feel better for having a go I blame my assertiveness course I took years ago!

She didn't know you were pregnant. How long have you lived in London not to have realised that people get annoyed by people walking slowly and blocking the flow of commuter traffic? When I travelled in London when I was pregnant I stuck to the sides and kept out of people's way. It's not particularly pleasant but just what living in London is like.

Best retort would be to vomit on her.

Where did I say she should know I'm pregnant? I can't even see I'm pregnant when I'm naked, let alone through three layers of clothing. I'm only 9 weeks. That was me 'setting the scene', it wasn't the point.

The point was that she shoved me then retorted nastily when I pulled her up on it.

Just because it's 'London' doesn't mean it's ok for people to behave like a dick.

And there was no 'flow', we were waiting to go through a barrier...

She was rude.

Thanks to everyone for not laughing too much at my 'have some patience' effort.

You's are all very kind

Sorry Leela but I am laughing (nicely). I can just imagine awkwardly rolling it up and it still being awkwardly in the way

Oh no screen I was too terrified to use it again! It was politely rolled up, stashed under my seat then responsibly disposed of in the bin on the way out.

Brilliant!

A friend of mine once called someone who had shoved him a 'flaming dunderhead' with such vehemence that the guy actually apologised. I was quite impressed with his proof that tone is more important than content!

I'll write that one down DoJo!

hoping not to be sick on the man in front's Burberry coat. Now if you had been reasonable you would have thrown up all over the rude little bitch that pushed past you.

L'espirit de l'escalier!

I have imaginary rants all the time! I'm either too polite or too slow to come out with something good at the time.

The 'get over it, London is rude and you deserve a shove' is disappointing. As rare visitor to London I'm always a defender against most of the rest of the country which says just that. Shoving people out of the way is never ok no matter how tempting

Have some patience would have been an excellent retort for pushy bitch.

I also don't subscribe to 'it's London, expect to be treated like a sub-species' I commute every day, and I've got the badge and the bump and people still push me around. I've perfected a I'm turning you to stone look which I use quite a lot, but more often than not I'll turn around and ask once politely to not be pushed, and then I'll just remind them that they're a fucking prick and congratulate them for being one.
I'd like to point out these episodes almost always happen trying to board or even exist on trains. I'm not a slow walker and if I was, manners cost nothing, so no YANBU.

You definitely should have just thrown up on her shoes.

What would be the perfect retort though in that situation?

In my head I would've ninja slided up behind her, done that nifty knee shove to the back of her legs and as she falls in slow motion, perplexed at this sudden turn of events, whispered into her ears "quick enough to get revenge you fucker" I'd then disappear like smoke into the bustling crowd, knowing justice had been done.

Ha ha ha tunna that made me do a proper belly laugh!

I reckon 'have some patience' could be utilised in many situations, I must start sharing my useless put downs more.

I wish I could throw up on cue. Unfortunately it seems to only hit when in a restaurant or on a train at the moment.

Oh you are not alone OP. Is there anyone who has the perfect retort ready when someone is rude! In my case, it's probably many hours later by the time I think of the perfect response.
I wish you had thrown up on her...