To think that there are two types of parents

[littlemslazybones]

1. those who adapt their opinions to suit their behaviour and choices
2. the guilt ridden

And to ask for help to move into the first category.

Thanks devil I'll read that thread. I suppose I'm a bit cynical about what a sleep consultant can actually do but if other people have found it useful I might be missing something and I'd be willing to give it a try.

I have PM'd you regarding sleep consultants.

Just wanted to join the overwhelming agreement that you are indeed allowed a pity party.

for you, hope you get some decent sleep soon - that will give you enough of a boost to cope with the baby's sleep training.

Definitely keep a track of your moods and emotions too, and don't be afraid of going to the Dr or of medication - it's not a failing to need outside help.

OP, you sound shattered and are totally allowed to feel sorry for yourself. My first didn't sleep much till he was past one and it nearly killed me. (Once he was walking he suddenly slept a lot more.)

I see above that you feel that nursery isn't an option now, but could you afford a daytime babysitter once or twice a week for a couple of hours so you could just go to bed for a bit? I was going to do that with my current baby, but fortunately he's not too bad a sleeper and so I haven't had to. You also need some more help from your DH if that's possible.

Additionally, eating well, drinking lots of water and taking vitamins daily will all help your wellbeing. It's incredibly hard being sleep deprived and I hope you get more rest soon :)

Let us take an example. The parent dose not believe in smacking children but does so when tired or cross. I would not agree it is right the parent should then change their views and decide smacking if morally right.

I think it depends on the topic. I always thought it was fine, natural and nice to sleep with the baby (I still think so) but ours always came right up close, prodded us, kept us awake so I didn't change my view it was nice for the baby to sleep beside a parent but I did move it into a the carry cot next to the bed because my own sleep was more important most of the time as that made me a good and better parent. Not that it really helped because none of the 5 ever slept through the night even once in the fitrst year and all woke fairly regularly until 4 or 5 most nights.

OH OP....one day you will be just like me....reading about a mother (who probably isn't born yet!) struggling and I so completely get it and wish you could help you...been there and got the hooded sweatshirt....I know it doesn't help but I remember the feeling so well...all mine now grown and left the nest..You are more than entitled to have a pity party...IT WILL GET BETTER...I promise. x

Op just like MaryLou I remember it well. Sleep deprivation is total torture.

I did cc with all my 4.

It's called sleep training now as the fashion is to not mention letting children cry, as obviously they will be harmed for life! ,but it saved our lives/sanity and we had no choice with the younger ones as we couldn't allow then to keep disrupting the older ones sleep.

You are bloody entitled to a pity party.

You don't need to spend your money on a sleep consultant.

Put your baby in another room. In a safe cot, warm, fed, go in when he cries, sooth, go out. Don't feed or cuddle. Keep doing it. It may take 3 days or 3 weeks but it will work

We live In a society where, at the moment, the fashion is to be child led in everything regardless of the needs of the parents.

It's crap really as to keep babies/children safe it's vital that parents are well rested and functioning.

To your op it's a sensible parent who just goes with the flow.

Um no I don't think I'm either, are the two mutually exclusive anyway?

Thank you so much for the kind messages yesterday. I feel more relaxed today and I think having a plan, even though I'm not ready to run with it, helps. Dh has been briefed and is going to help with the sleep training.

Anyway, I'm not sure my op made much sense, for those who replied to the actual AIBU. I was mostly thinking that guilt creeps in the gap between what you think and what you do and it would be easier just to change what you think. So, I'd be much happier if I believed that

1. minecraft is a worthwhile and educational experience
2. quality time is over-rated, what counts is spending an abundance of time pottering around your distracted mother
3. fruit is as nutritious as veg And on and on

But IWBU because I have managed to chill out since then and have gained a bit of perspective.

I had exactly the same with my DS, co-sleeping out pf necessity but things just getting worse and worse. At 11 months I cracked and borrowed the money for a sleep consultant. It really really does work and didn't involve leaving to CIO which personally I didn't think I could handle. A slept consultant is someone who's seen 1000s of babies and knows what works. You have a written plan to stick to so you're not just winging it on your own, not knowing whether you're doing the right thing or making it worse. It worked within 3 days - and I was in the awful position of feeding to sleep 10 times a night!! We just had a top up session with the one we used as (at almost two and a half) we had developed different slept issues and again it was worked within 3 nights with minimal crying. Try as I might I couldn't find anything tangible in the NCSS that would do that. We used Andrea Grace (Skype consultation followed by written plan and a month of communication) and I would fully recommend her, but there are several others out there.

"Go With The Flow" parenting certainly makes for a happier parent imho.

I got divorced when DS was 8 months old. It meant that any parenting ideas I had went out of the window if they weren't quick, easy and effective. Frankly I was too busy and stressed to be pissing about with patting to sleep or serving organic mung bean dip for dinner.

We now have a pretty relaxed routine, involving some telly, some iPad and some hanging about amusing himself while mummy does jobs, and it seems to work just fine

OP, DD still only sleep in the swing at 8 months. But has slowly started taking naps in the crib/cot as she realizes she has more room to sprawl.

We tried leaving DD in the crib until she cried herself to sleep. Couldn't do it.

Don't stress about sleep training. Just do what works for your own sanity right now.

If you do need to crack down on his sleep, and do controlled crying, don't feel bad about it. Babies and children are quite resilient, and barring abuse, they bounce back and adjust to new changes very quickly. Not easily, but relatively quickly compared to an adult.

A few days of sleep training and he'll start to adjust to his new routine. By a couple weeks, he'll be fine. It's just really rough getting it started.

1) minecraft is a worthwhile and educational experience

It does encourage creativity, and there are red stone which creates wires which is engineering. There's also combining materials which takes planning, and then there is building structures which again takes planning and architectural planning. :)

Does that help?

I think most people are type one, myself included. And I agree with Listed (now I have finally done what she suggests after 14 months). Last week I was an earth mother!

I think sometimes we become so entrenched in routines that we believe are easier, that we forget that we could change them in a matter of weeks. This is said by somebody who is still co-sleeping in a single bed with a five year old , who really needs to do something about it

Sorry posted too soon , I mean't to add that we tend to want to change things when they make us uncomfortable or life harder , but often we are uncomfortable with the idea of change , so we end up stuck in a rut . Changing this one thing OP might actually make life easier , in that you get some decent restful sleep , but it will probably involve a few weeks out of your life which are slightly harder , maybe leave it until after Christmas ?

If it helps at all, 11 months for us was definitely 'darkest before the dawn' in terms of sleep. Ds was a terrible, terrible sleeper up until he turned 1. He didn't nap, he wanted to feed all night, he woke every 2 hours, we had no routine at all... At 1 we did a bit of gentle sleep training , whether because of this or because he was just ready, he started sleeping 7-7 and napping 11-2pm. It was decking amazing, We got our sanity and our relationship back and began enjoying evenings, telly, glasses of wine etc (looks back wistfully now am expecting ds2 and about to start from scratch again!).
I really hope things get better soon and echo speaking to your gp - it's a tough tough time.

When i say gentle sleep training, I found Dr Sears very helpful and reassuring as we did not have the balls for controlled crying!