AIBU to not ask someone else about their baby?

[weelittlething]

Was in a restaurant today and when DH ran back to the car for the nappy bag DD (8 months) decided she wanted to make friends with the little boy around the same age at the table next to us. She stared and waved her arms and grinned at him and he ignored her, as babies tend to do.

His parents turned to me and we smiled, and they asked: "How old is she?" I told them, and they said: "Awww.. She's gorgeous." I said "thank you" and smiled. I then went back to my meal. I thought it was quite a pleasant exchange.

When I told my DH about this in the car he thought I had been extremely rude not to ask what their DS's age was in return, and compliment him as well. He is of the impression that people only ask about other people's babies so they can talk about their babies.

I thought their baby was adorable but I didn't even think to ask. I'm feeling guilty about being rude, but I can't help but think that he's a little cynical on that front! Was I being totally socially deficient, or is he wrong?

I probably would've reciprocated the polite chat, just instinctively.

But never once have I come away from a pleasantry with a stranger and thought "what a bitch, she didn't ONCE ask how old my baby was"

Also think its totally untrue that people ask about others' dc etc just to have the chance to talk about theirs!

On balance yanbu and your dh is.

I think you should have adked!. No biggy though.

i used to just answer and nothing more until one time i got a filthy look now i always ask back tbh i don't want to i just do to be polite

I do this too

Your DH's response seems a bit odd? I don't think you were in the wrong. I certainly don't compliment other people's babies just so they'll talk about mine. If I come out with a compliment I genuinely mean it or I don't make the effort.

Yanbu! You just didn't ask back because you were eating, distracted, whatever.

Haha! I have to admit I've been known to be a bit socially awkward when it comes to strangers so I was a little worried that I could have unknowingly annoyed someone when they were being perfectly nice!

It never crosses my mind to ask about someone else's DC unless I'm genuinely curious but he says it happens at his work all the time (people asking him about DD and then chatting about their children). I generally wanted to avoid comparing my DC to others (like 'oh, I can't believe your DD is so well behaved, my DD never sits still for me' etc.) so I don't often strike up a chat about other people's babies unless it's between good friends. :s Feel really rude now. :(

I don't think you did anything wrong. I wouldn't have thought you were rude. Don't worry about it.

Tell him if he's that concerned about leaving you to your own inept social devices he should remember to get the nappy bag out of the car in future.

I think you should have asked as well. It's the observance of social niceties, however trivial on their own, that make life a little more pleasant for everyone.

And I don't understand (and I don't mean this in a snarky or horrible way - just perplexed) how someone can ask about another's child and when see they have theirs there why you wouldn't think to reciprocate?

I am a bit bad at chit chat so I have done this I realised a bit late that I should have really asked back...oh well it's no big deal really, it would have been a bit more polite but you were polite anyway.

And people don't ask about your DC just because they want to talk about their own, I disagree with your DH.

Your dh needs a hobby!

If my dh bangs on too much the best response is 'WTAF are you rabbiting on about you twat'

Your conversations are yours. He can correct your dd when she's older. Tell him you are an adult and as such will judge situations and act accordingly.

I think it is polite to return the compliment/ask a question etc but i always forget as well! I usually just say "Thanks!" and beam about how cute my DDs are and then a few minutes later i think oh i should have said their kids are cute too but it seems a bit late at that point!

Meh. In that situation I would have thought you quite rude. I ask you about your baby, you ask about mine. Seems kinda obvious.
It's a bit like someone saying 'how are you' and you responding 'fine' but not responding back by asking how they are. It's rude.

YABU and really rude tbh.

I agree with your DH. I've been on the receiving end of this and think it's a bit self absorbed. If they ask your baby's age you do the same, that's just polite surely

Yes you were a bit rude.

You don't need to feel really rude. I don't think it's that rude not to ask, you aren't obliged to get into conversation with everyone who talks to you, especially strangers while you're eating. It's more that it is polite to ask.

To be honest I dislike gushers over babies. I only liked my own anyway. You were fine op. Tell your dh to stop being a bloody fuss pot.

It's taken me years to learn to reciprocate social chitchat op. Don't worry about it :)

I couldn't care less if someone didn't fawn over my child/say they were wonderful/ask how old they were etc.
It's like giving a gift to receive a gift