AIBU to not ask someone else about their baby?

[weelittlething]

Was in a restaurant today and when DH ran back to the car for the nappy bag DD (8 months) decided she wanted to make friends with the little boy around the same age at the table next to us. She stared and waved her arms and grinned at him and he ignored her, as babies tend to do.

His parents turned to me and we smiled, and they asked: "How old is she?" I told them, and they said: "Awww.. She's gorgeous." I said "thank you" and smiled. I then went back to my meal. I thought it was quite a pleasant exchange.

When I told my DH about this in the car he thought I had been extremely rude not to ask what their DS's age was in return, and compliment him as well. He is of the impression that people only ask about other people's babies so they can talk about their babies.

I thought their baby was adorable but I didn't even think to ask. I'm feeling guilty about being rude, but I can't help but think that he's a little cynical on that front! Was I being totally socially deficient, or is he wrong?

Watch, that's true. Everyone only likesbtheir own baby. I adore every baby. I 'he never been one of those mums with the, you're not my child. I'm not fussing over you, attitude. . Obviously my d.d and my d.n are the most beautiful children in the world as far as I am concerned, but I'm not blinkeredbabout them.
I don't think you were intentionally rude OP, but I can see how it could be veiwed that way. It would not have hurt to ask about their little one, would it.

Error on line, 1. Should have said, not true

I couldn't have cared less either.

Jesus I go to a restaurant to eat with my family not massage strangers egos.

I would have probably asked after their baby, but not noticed if they hadn't to me.

So I think it's polite to say something back-let's face it there's always something to compliment a baby for, so quite easy. However I wouldn't notice if you didn't do it back, and if I did, wouldn't think it rude, so I wouldn't worry about it.

I do like most babies though

I can't believe some of the replies on here tbh. Why on earth would you ask how old a baby was, when you didn't even want to know? It's unnecessary, I'm sure they didn't give it a second thought. I haven't checked debrettes, haha, but I think you were fine OP, YANBU.

I don't think you need to feel bad. They weren't asking because they were interested in your baby. They were saying 'it's OK for your baby to make a noise and sorry our baby didn't reciprocate.' A bit like not leaving someone hanging if you go to high five them.

I do have to remind myself to reciprocate, and sometimes get into a muddle and say something like, what a lovely hat!

But equally I don't notice/care if I ask about someone's child and they don't ask back. Most people have a lot on their minds and don't mean to be rude.

I just say thank you and go back to what I was doing. If they look at me a bit expectantly, I remember to give the awkward and obligatory "Oh s/he's so cute too!".

I really don't fuss over other people's babies though. It feels awkward, and it doesn't help that I'm awkward at small talk in the first place.

If I were to give a parent, particularly a stranger, a compliment about their child I would not be necessarily expecting an equal compliment/conversation back. It would be a genuine expression. So I would not take offence if you showed gratitude and then carried on with what you were doing. I don't think you should feel bad in this situation.

Well, it's good to know that some people do get offended so I'd best try and remember next time!

I do actually love kids and before I had my own would have fussed over every baby in the room. I just think I'm too distracted now by my own! I suppose that's a bit self-absorbed, although I myself would never expect someone to compliment my baby.

I also do chat to my friends/family etc. about their babies but I just never think to do that to strangers. I also used to get really weirded out when other pregnant ladies asked me how far along I was, though, so I think I'm just generally bad at chitchat with strangers about personal matters.

I would have expected a return, the obvious/easy one would be the baby of course but not necessarily that. If you didn't I'd just assume you didn't want to chat.

I'd be more questioning why your dh felt the need to dig into the conversation when you relayed it. It seems quite odd to respond to "ooh the person on the next table said dd is lovely" with "what did you say" or similar. I'm struggling to come up with a way that would happen naturally which makes me feel your dh is being a bit rude with you tbh. Why is he questioning the minutiae of your conversations?

Why is he questioning the minutiae of your conversations?

There is actually a study done about how people learn and take in the world, and recall memories. Auditory learners will generally focus in on the conversations of what happened at an event. Visual learners will generally focus on what they saw at the event. Hands on learners will generally focus on what they did at the event. Obviously people do use all three, but the one they focus on strongest could be their main learning style.

What I'm getting at, is if he's asking about the conversation as the focus, he could be an auditory learner so asking about the conversation seems to be the most obvious thing to ask. DH is a visual learner so will recall face expressions when telling about a conversation more than what's being said.

Or he could just be a prying twat.

Someone might compliment you. It's not 'done' to compliment back because then it starts to be artificial and just said to be nice. The initial compliment is really meant or it would not have been made.

Don't give it another thought OP. The exchange is ritual compliments about babies isn't compulsory

Someone might compliment you. It's not 'done' to compliment back because then it starts to be artificial and just said to be nice. The initial compliment is really meant or it would not have been made.

I was going to say something very similar! I've always felt it so patronising and artificial to do the you look gorgeous!/no YOU look gorgeous! thing. Particularly with a complete stranger.

Haha. I'm socially pretty inept and I do this constantly then feel shit afterwards. I doubt they think much of it though and who cares really, they're strangers!

I always feel equally awkward when someone I vaguely know compliments the way I look, should I compliment them back?

You would have seemed rude. Normal chat is to ask back about their baby and then continue with meal. Sorry but dh is right but dont worry about it. Its over and done with.

TooMuch he wasn't really prying - he just asked how old their baby was and I said I didn't know. He then said: "Didn't you ask?" like it was the norm and that's when we started talking about this.

If I were the parent at the other table I would have assumed that you did not reciprocate because you did not want to continue the discussion and would have left you in peace.

This always makes me feel akward, so I don't think you were rude, the other people were just making chit chat not looking for compliments!

This actually happened to me this morning, I was at a soft play with two babies and wanted some adult company so asked a lady about her DD who was playing with mine as a means of starting conversation (not so I could talk about my own) she just answered straight but didn't reciprocate. I didn't think she was rude but did take it as a cue that she didn't want to chat so just left it at that. I was disappointed because I was feeling a bit lonely today but not offended!

catabouttown. I've done this, too. Bright questions and you get shut down. Some people fear people trying to be friends with them (they're oh so popular already, don'tchaknow) and others are self-absorbed and can't muster interest in anyone else.

I think I'm very polite on the whole, but with my dog who is incredibly handsome I do struggle to think of something complimentary to say about someone else's slathering mutt...

Nothing so insincere as a tepid reciprocal compliment.

Tbh, I find them more insulting than pleasing and it strikes me as quite needy to be put out about non-reciprocation.

Don't worry about it, OP.

seriously yanbu I wouldn't have given it a seconds thought either way.