To worry my friend is storing herself up some serious problems between her and her DH?

[WonderingWillow]

Joined again recently after a break away from MN.

I have a dear friend who lives just down the way from me. She came over to mine last week and brought her DD's (1 and 4) with her to play with my DS (also 4). The topic of christmas came up and she said she was buying her DD1 an iPad. I was surprised since her daughter has already dropped both of her parents' iPads and smashed the screens beyond repair. I said she should definitely put a protective screen/case on this one, and we were googling some. She said they were too expensive, since her DH doesn't know she's even bought the iPad in the first place, and he had been against it in the first place.

She bought it on a credit card she kept from years ago when she was working, took delivery of it and has wrapped it up. She won't tell her DH and he won't know until Christmas morning.

I am worried for her, because they have been having problems, and she's been saying he's been nagging her about money and how she spends it.

This morning she texted me and said she was thinking about buying a second iPad for her DD2, in case she got jealous. I haven't texted back, because I don't want to look as if I agree with her concealing this level of purchase from her DH.

What's the most reasonable thing to do?

1. ignore totally
2. give her my opinion and advise her to return the iPad before it causes a row
3. go along with it and pretend to agree with her

I value her friendship and I want to be the best friend I can be to her.

Ugh what a load of sanctimonious claptrap.

It's not the dark ages. It's not more nurturing to only allow your kids to play with sticks and stones until they hit school age.

I don't think there's any harm in a baby having a go on mum and dads iPad, but I do think that at 1 they should be doing more interactive play.

But where do you go from there? It's ridiculously over indulgent, and the fact that the 4 year old has already broken two iPads, what is that teaching her that she then gets her own?

But going by the fact that the friend is also going behind her dh's back, and then manipulating the situation as he won't be in a position to say anything visiting family.

She sounds a complete nightmare.

She is going to have a horrible Boxing Day. Her DH will presumably keep the peace in front of his MIL, but once they get home I wouldn't like to be a fly on the wall. She's pissed money up the wall, got into secret debt and broken an agreement. And she think's it's a laugh?

I'd keep your spare room ready for New Year.

listed yeah she can't walk yet and I said when my DS was little, he had one so she bought one. Didn't realise it was for a bigger age group!

She's a lovely lady and very kind to me. I feel like I haven't portrayed her in the best light. She is so sweet, and I want the best for her.

I would suggest a leappad for the 1yo. I have friends who bought their 3yos ipads. I don't get it. Dc occasionally play cbeebies on my phone or peppa pig in the second hand ds we got but I don't have an ipad... imagine I'll cave eventually as the prices have come down but still I can't see what I'd use it for except to ignore dh all night.
my 3 yo twins and 6yo dd love running round the house playing matilda and putting each other in the chokey (downstairs cloakroom), or using the cheap water pistols in the bath.
I may be wrong but I've never seen a child playing on an ipad giggling... dcs should giggle.

She sounds rather dim.

I think her husband has a point and would be right to be pissed off with her. She sounds irresponsible and deceitful. I think she's in for a shock on Christmas Day. How can she think it's funny?

She's spent £1,000 on gifts for 2 children under 5? Wow!

No idea why anyone sane would buy an iPad for a child.

Ours had them at the grand age of 16 and 17. Our teen girls don't need them yet.

But 1?!! And 4?!!

Ffs absolutely mental.

What about Lego? Model making from toilet rolls and cereal packets, books, dress up, music, jumping in puddles,

Honestly what a bloody silly woman.

She showed it to me in her spare room and there must be £500 odd each worth of stuff. Piles of GAP and Next clothes, matching shoes, a jumperoo, sylvanian families with houses etc, the full set of Disney Infinity

So, she has over £1000 of stuff piled up in the spare room..... and the DH hasn't seen this??? Sounds unlikely. As DH has more than likely seen the amount of things bought, and is okay with that, then I think she may be exaggerating how much trouble she may be in.

Sorry OP, but it sounds a bit like you're jealous

If she is intent on electrickery she would have been best getting two kindle fires. Mine are lobbed from pillar to post and still doing well.
The worst one got hurled onto airport tarmac and cracked but still works and is the one the toddler gets if refusing to play with his duplo cos hurling devices to the ground saying 'down' and cackling is much more fun.

Be honest with her?

'Gosh, maybe stick to one iPad? They're mighty expensive xx'

Will she ask for our expect your help if the presents do cause problems on their relationship? I'd be inclined to say that you don't want to get involved as she's told you he won't approve, if she asks for your advice r three presents again. Otherwise just say nothing. It sounds of, and irresponsible of her to have spent so much on credit for Christmas when its against her husband's wishes and presumably outside of their financial comfort zone. I would find it hard not to judge her on that, regardless of how nice and sweet she is. Is it training the friendship at all?

If I was her dh I would be so angry at this unilateral decision. I'd make a lighthearted comment that dd2 should surely wait til she's a bit older like dd1 did, and also mention that dh will be upset. I couldn't just go along with this.

I've bought my 3 month old an iPad for Christmas. It's really important that she gets to grips with modern technology from an early age. Plus it makes me feel like a cool parent.

She has her own iPhone too

The presents sound like a lot to me, but no big deal if the parents can afford it and that's what they want to do.

Your friend deceiving her husband and then trying to manipulate the situation so he'll be forced to accept it? That is a huge deal, and likely to cause big problems with resentment and lack of trust in her marriage. I'm kind of boggled that she is treating this as a joke. If she really is a good friend, I'd have a chat with her about that. Not that she's likely to listen, but at least you could try.

She sounds like an idiot.

And it's not sanctimonious to question a tiny child having their own iPad. They are very expensive devices that are designed to do lots that a child won't need. They are not game machines although they are good for games. Every child I know with their own iPad seems to have unrestricted playing time on it. My son plays on my iPad but I restrict it heavily, and the fact that it's mine helps me do this.

Is this for real? How sad and what lack of imagination your friend has.
She will do her children a huge disservice by getting them this stuff. And anyway what on earth will she give them in a few years?
Kids don't need more screens! If I were her dh i would be fuming

I'd resist getting involved. You may want the best for her but honestly she sounds irresponsible. Really not down to you to sort her behaviour out is it. Grown woman and all that....

DD likes to play with a few piano apps on my phone at 8 months. I don't see the harm. It's no different than those obnoxious noise toys babies get. At least this one I can turn down the volume.

I would never get her an iPad at a year old. Maybe a second hand previous generation android tablet because they'd be cheap. But honestly, at that age. It's going to be like any other flashy toy. It'll be dropped and forgotten about in a few minutes in lieu of wrapping paper and boxes. DD is still more interested in wooden spoons and banging plastic toys on the walls than she is playing with electronic noise toys.

I am firmly in the 'buying an ipad for a 4yo is ridiculous' camp. It is even more so when you don't have the money so op yanbu xmas morning argument coming.

No 1 year old (or 4 year old for that matter) needs an iPad. And yes I know when it comes up on here people always say 'oh well my 3 year old has their own iPad so he doesn't have to keep using mine, but I'm very strict about usage so he doesn't use it for more than 5 minutes a day' but I'm sorry I just don't believe that. If they weren't on it much, they wouldn't need their own would they?

Yes, it's not the dark ages, yes they need access to technology, no they don't need their own piece of fairly expensive technology, which at such a young age they cannot possibly know the value of, and if they are only spending a few minutes a day on it, then surely parents can give up a few precious minutes of their own iPad time for this or sit there on their phone instead

She can't afford it.

Her husband doesn't know.

In short, its ridiculous.

Why do people have to buy ipads and other over-priced Apple products?

I've bought my ds (who's nearly 20) a tablet that has decent memory capacity and a reasonably fast processor for £55.

I see no reason why a 1 and 4 year old would need such and expensive piece of tech.

I'd recommend your friend sends back the ipad and gets her dds cheaper tablets.

I would keep out of it as much as possible. Though if she asks a question or foryour opinion give her a straight honest answer, otherwise don't mention it.

In my opinion, buying iPads or tablets for children that young is daft, especially seeing as they will probably chew on it and drop it and spend all day glued to it watching videos.

If somebody desperately wants to get one for a child, there are so many much more affordable alternatives (like the hudl). I just don't understand why people buy such young children (1-2 years old fgs!) top of the range iPads! Its absolutely crazy.

What a very odd story. Why would someone who casually spends four figures on piles of Christmas presents for her kids think that £10 or so is "too expensive" for, well, anything really?

I'm assuming this is a theoretical story rather than a real one - but it doesn't work as-is. Surely a real person who'd do this would think that something which could justify the purchase to her DH (i.e. something to avoid expensive technology getting broken) was the perfect add-on?