School gate protocol

[MrsMarigold]

I'm feeling a bit irritated, this mum at DS's school is doing a collection to get the teacher and TAs a Christmas present. There are 30 kids in the class. She keeps hovering at pick up time and asking while holding out a jam jar, she's quite pushy and came up to me and two other mothers on Friday and I felt quite pressurised, one woman scrambled in her purse and gave a tenner, the other one looked like she felt she should do the same and did.

The jar is full of ten pond notes and if you gave less it would seem scrooge like. I didn't have my purse so didn't give but I feel it was handled badly.

Surely it would be better to send out an email and say, if you want to give the teacher and TAs a present please find me at pick up time and give me a small donation then it's optional rather than obligatory.

AIBU and would you have a quiet word?

Put your donation in an envelope and pop it in the jar.

i am a ta and i would be absolutely HORRIFIED if parents were sticking tenners in a jar to buy me a gift! really really horrified.

a card with a nice message or a tiny box of chocs would be more than enough if you really wanted to do something but nothing at all is necessary.

Informing parents by email is the normal protocol and money should be collected very discreetly, for example mums should approach the class rep, not the other way around.

I would blatantly just say no or put in a ten pence piece.
Bloody schoolyard mums.

Thanks for the sanity check.

That's nearly £300! Far too much IMO for a teacher and a few TAs. I would put in a measly £5!

And immediately ask the pushy mother to do future birthday collections for ME!

actually msmarigold, she has no bloody right to be doing that, a tenner could be loads for some families.
I would put in a complaint about her....but then it never did take much for those dreadful hags to rattle my cage.

god the thought of her greedily holding out her jam jar just makes me want to smack her in the chops....
(reminds self to calm down , primary school days are long gone)

That's how I feel SunnyBauaudelaire!

Tell them you bought a gift in advance so will have to pass this time.

Make your own arrangements instead.

My school doesn't do any of this thank fuck. Some parents will take in a small gift others don't. I don't because I don't see the need.

Irritating busy bodies like this get right on my goat! just tell her you made arrangements ages ago. I would probably complain about her to the PTA too but I am a right winger about this sort of thing

I'm hoping that this doesn't happen at my daughter's school. But if it did I would just tell them that I've already decided what I'm getting. If I were a teacher, I'd rather get a handmade card or small gift from individual's than some showy bottle of someone else's favourite wine.

I'm also a suspicious cow, and would expect the collector to be pocketing any leftover dosh!

Wow so glad we don't have this. Is just say "Oh we're doing our own thing but thanks for asking"
I usually get stationery and some forget me not seeds.

We get asked if we want to via email and told what we should do if we want to contribute. The suggested amount is usually £5. The same message goes on a private Facebook page. I haven't given any so far, with two children at different schools I keep forgetting.

I would just say that I was doing my own thing- DC likes choosing their own.

One of our classes did an optional collection, no pressure at all, it was for the ta and teacher and they were asking for £2. Which saved me money as I would have spent more than that.

Entirely optional at our school, a note is given out (we don't have email class lists) and then it's up to the parents. Most years it only happens at the end of the year, not Christmas. No suggested amount, no pressure. Just say "no thanks, I'm doing my own".

I always say we're getting our own present, but thanks for organising. I usually buy a small box of chocolates. As an ex teacher myself, I would rather receive small, thoughtful gifts than a voucher to spend at a shopping centre

So do kids who are not picked up by a parent just not contribute?

I find the group gift pressure so unreasonable.

You could always organise it yourself next time!

Glad that didn't happen when my three were at primary school.

That is very presumptuous of the other mum. Who the hell does she think she is? If every parent puts in a similar amount then there will be about £300, give or take.

I am actually amazed that anyone would think it normal to put so much in the collection jar. They can't have thought it through and there is such a thing as having more money than sense.

£10 is a lot of money for many struggling families. Just do your own thing and don't let her pressurise you if she does it again.

A tenner is too much, but personally I was always grateful to the Mum who was organised enough to remind me that it was easier for me to contribute to a class collection and who presented myself and my children with a big card and a pen to sign at pick up.

I think when people are trying to organise something amongst people they don't know, they deserve to be cut some slack. If you don't want to contribute, just say that your doing your own present or that you aren't doing one at all. It would be polite of you to let her know though so that she knows whether to wait for people who genuinely have just forgotten their purses or whether she has as much money as she's going to get so can then buy the presents.