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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

School gate protocol

54 replies

MrsMarigold · 08/12/2014 14:39

I'm feeling a bit irritated, this mum at DS's school is doing a collection to get the teacher and TAs a Christmas present. There are 30 kids in the class. She keeps hovering at pick up time and asking while holding out a jam jar, she's quite pushy and came up to me and two other mothers on Friday and I felt quite pressurised, one woman scrambled in her purse and gave a tenner, the other one looked like she felt she should do the same and did.

The jar is full of ten pond notes and if you gave less it would seem scrooge like. I didn't have my purse so didn't give but I feel it was handled badly.

Surely it would be better to send out an email and say, if you want to give the teacher and TAs a present please find me at pick up time and give me a small donation then it's optional rather than obligatory.

AIBU and would you have a quiet word?

OP posts:

Ragwort · 08/12/2014 17:33

That is outrageous; my DS has been to three separate primary schools and I have never been asked to contribute to a 'class gift'.

I think schools should put a stop to all this present giving, few other professions are allowed to accept gifts so freely.

crazykat · 08/12/2014 17:39

Threads like these make me so glad our school.don't have class reps.

I tend to get the teacher and TAs something at the end of the year. This year I'll get dds teacher something as she's been brilliant with dd this term. I'll let dd pick something which will probably be some stickers/pens that can be used at school.

ILoveSimonCowell · 08/12/2014 17:40

Class Rep collects £10 in Sept/Oct from each child/parent in the class (20 kids per class - so £200 assuming everyone gives). This £10 is split between a teacher and a part-time TA - and it provides the gift for Xmas and end of Summer term. Job done and it saves feeling like you keep asking for money.

BlueGreenHazelGreen · 08/12/2014 17:45

I have a policy of not participating in class gifts (unless it is a retirement or something else unusual)

I find in our school that everyone puts into the the present and then also buys something else so their child has something to handover on the day, which seems ridiculous (if very generous).

I always just smile and decline.

victorianhomedreamer · 08/12/2014 17:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bloodyteenagers · 08/12/2014 19:19

Just received an email from the youngest school about this. Reminding parents that gifts are not necessary. However, if parents decide to get anything to keep it well below £10. Anything over this will not be accepted. And like previous years, the envelop with gift vouchers for over £100 that isn't returned will this year go towards food for the food bank. Under that amount, it will be raffled again, and the proceeds to go to charity.
As a reminder, the school do not tolerate class door chuggers and any parent asking for a class contribution will not be allowed back on site until the New Year... Love the school sometimes.

ScrambledEggAndToast · 08/12/2014 19:30

Is this a private school? I would never have dreamt of putting in a tenner, I would have considered £3 generous. Surely not every parent is putting in £10.

Marylou2 · 08/12/2014 20:03

I'd overjoyed to hand over a tenner and absolve myself of all responsibilty.Seems I'm in a minority though.

Marylou2 · 08/12/2014 20:04

I'd be*

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 08/12/2014 21:37

Just give what you can. It's a gift not a tax. To be honest if someone came up to me pushing for me to put £10.00 in a jar, Ibwould see it as intimidation. That money in your purse could be your last few pounds to feed your children.

ILovePud · 08/12/2014 22:14

I think if she's pressuring you then it's out of order but unless she's objectively rude to people who decline I'd give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she's just trying to get the teacher something nice and help out busy parents who might not have time to buy gifts. I had a text from a school mum this evening asking if I wanted to put a tenner in for a collection, she's a very generous person and someone who does a lot for the school and the PTA and I certainly didn't take offence. I said no thanks (as I have before) as I'd already got stuff but I've never felt that other mums have judged me for that.

Pyjamaramadrama · 08/12/2014 22:16

That is ridiculous. £2 each would do it.

Thankfully no one does this nonsense at ds school. A few people send some chocolates or a plant in at Xmas. A gift is usually sent at the end of the school year, to thank the teacher.

Do teachers really want all this? I doubt it, I'd be embarrassed.

Strictly1 · 08/12/2014 22:18

As a teacher I would hate that.

SilentAllTheseYears · 08/12/2014 22:22

We got a typed note for a teacher who was leaving to say if we wanted to donate then see joes mum and that was it.

YellowTulips · 08/12/2014 22:24

Total madness. It's meant to be a personal gift from the kids not a whip round.

My mother (ex teacher) never expected gifts but was obviously happy when they were spontaneously given. The best ones were not the most expensive- but cards made by the kids or a picture (she still has them in a scrap book).

Now retired she looks through them at Xmas and remembers the kids she taught and the kind gestures and words.

I'd simply say you will be making your own arrangements for a present thus will not be contributing.

cece · 08/12/2014 22:27

Our school has sent an email suggesting a £2 donation, if you want to, to be handed in in an envelope via the school office. The money collected is going to then be divided equally between all the staff apparently. This is a collection for the whole school.

samithesausage · 08/12/2014 22:36

10 pounds is a lot. When my child's nursery teacher got married it was £1-2 contribution and they signed the card.

NancyJones · 08/12/2014 22:42

That's ridiculous pressure to wave a jar under your nose.
Ours is £10 too. So that's £30 for me this Christmas then again in summer. In ds1's class there are 26 kids. Everyone gives £10 and the rep then buys £260 of John Lewis vouchers and split it equally between the teacher and the TA. In ds2's class it's slightly awkward this year as the TA is also one of the parents.

LadyMaryofDownton · 08/12/2014 23:35

Gastly, get that bitch a book of ettiqute. No I am not kidding, that is beyond rude!

ToffeeCaramel · 08/12/2014 23:40

Just say you are making your own arrangements. I'm sure it'll be fine

Whatsthewhatsthebody · 08/12/2014 23:45

A tenner! Don't be ridiculous.

TreadmillTiger · 09/12/2014 00:05

One of the (extremely well off) year one class reps in our school once sent an email suggesting £20 as a donation1 This was to cover the teacher and two or three classroom assistants.
Unsurprisingly there were plenty of parents who opted to do their own thing that year.

Pyjamaramadrama · 09/12/2014 07:46

I can't believe that there are class reps. What an earth for? Is this really a thing?

SunnyBaudelaire · 09/12/2014 09:01

oh yes we had class reps, and their children were the vilest bullies in the year. coincidence? I think not!

whatswrongnow · 09/12/2014 09:54

wow good luck with that! I've 2 dd's who have 2 teachers, 3 resource teachers and a sna to get something for . I tying myself in knots trying to think of what to get. I'd give a fiver and say there you go

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