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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To allow cats in bedroom when DP isn't here?

59 replies

Celestria · 08/12/2014 09:13

DP and I had a row last night. We have been together a year and a half. I have two cats, one a dainty wee long hair and another that's a gorgeous brute of a bengal. I adore them both.

I don't live with my DP. He maintains he can't live with me because he can't say anything about my kids or cats without me jumping down his throat. He also says I have no respect for him because when he isn't staying, I have the cats on the bed.

Way I see it, I LIKE having the cats on the bed. I like listening to their purrs and settling off to sleep. I am respectful in that when he stays the cats go into the kitchen. When he isn't here I do what I want to do. He is my BF, not my husband. AIBU?

OP posts:

NickiFury · 08/12/2014 10:15

He sounds like a dick. He is messing with your relationship with your dc, trying to undermine it.

I would dump him.

NickiFury · 08/12/2014 10:16

As for the cats. My dog sleeps on my bed and anyone who doesn't like it doesn't have to stay here .

Original poster

Celestria · 08/12/2014 10:17

Seriously I'd love about ten cats. My little girl cat is gorgeous too. She is a total sook and loves being carried like a baby. My DP adores her and I think at the heart of it he is actually jealous of my boy cat. My bengal tries to play with my girl but he's rough due to his size and she doesn't like it. My DP seeks convinced my Bengal bullies her and she doesn't get enough to eat which is total rubbish. They eat fine together. He actually referred to my boy as 'my precious bengal'

OP posts:

MistressDeeCee · 08/12/2014 11:22

He maintains he can't live with me because he can't say anything about my kids or cats without me jumping down his throat

How much bigger does the red flag have to get....?

Ketchuphidestheburntbits · 08/12/2014 11:41

YANBU and I think it's better to be single than be with a man who is critical of your DC or cats.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 08/12/2014 12:23

I was fully prepared to say "ugh - YABU". I have cats but under no circumstances do they sleep on my bed and I would think it to be totally unreasonable to allow them to sleep on my bed if I were not there as it is a mixed message to the cats.

Sorry but from your postings since, I'd ditch him.

HadleyHemingway · 08/12/2014 12:28

If I told you about our relationship from start to finish, you would tell me to leave him like a shot. We aren't compatible in a live together and blended family sense

Why are you with him then?

oldgrandmama · 08/12/2014 12:31

I'd much rather sleep with a cat than a man these days ... cats don't get all sweaty, hog the bedclothes, talk in their sleep, fart or grope me when I'm not in the mood. Mind you, I might make an exception if Billy Bob Thornton sort of fell into my kingsize. Sorry, cat.

LegoAdventCalendar · 08/12/2014 12:34

So even you know he is a dick. Stop leaving your younger two kids with him. Start leaving him.

hiddenhome · 08/12/2014 12:38

Cats come first. Everyone knows that. Men just have to accept it or naff off.

marne2 · 08/12/2014 12:43

Dump him, he sounds like dick , I married pet hating dh, he has to put up with the cat sleeping on the bed, if he doesn't like it he can sleep on the sofa ( with the dogs ) .

Fairylea · 08/12/2014 12:43

Surely there's no future in this? I think when it comes to pets you're either a pet person or you're not. Personally I would never want to live or stay with someone who had cats or dogs - despite growing up with them I just can't stand the smell and the mess. Maybe it would be better to try and find another cat lover? All seems like a lot of stress for both of you.

Marylou2 · 08/12/2014 13:16

Run!! Clutch your kids and cats close and leave this man to his joyless catfree life.

Miggsie · 08/12/2014 13:20

So the problem is not actually cats on the bed - but that you don't respect him?

Run away.

He has a nice hierarchy of life - he is at the top and women, kids and animals are at the bottom. He is trying to put you all in your place - which is to be below him.

Run away.

Corygal · 08/12/2014 13:26

Me and Mr Cory the fat tabby snuggle up at night under the duvet and hold paws till morning. He is much better than a shouty bosspot man who whines if he isn't pandered to.

Itsfab · 08/12/2014 13:35

YANBU to allow cats in your room but YABVS to carry on seeing a man who wants to control you, is not nice to your children and sounds a prat as well as a twat.

Ragwort · 08/12/2014 13:43

I agree with Fairy - I would never date a 'pet person' because I have absolutely no interest in animals and don't like them in the house.

You sound totally incompatible - leave him and enjoy your cats .

Ohfourfoxache · 08/12/2014 13:52

Agree with others - keep the cats and chuck the bloke.

Seriously, he sounds massively disrespectful and to be whinging about the kids AND the cats - well, both would be massive red flags for me.

limitedperiodonly · 08/12/2014 13:58

My cat has an aroma if you bury your nose in his head and sniff. Which I do often; bum, not so much .

It's neither pleasant nor unpleasant. It's just his warm, furry, skin smell. I don't think it's detectable on the soft furnishings unless you're part bloodhound. I think I'd have noticed because I haven't had him that long and this place was a pet-free zone for years before.

His breath doesn't smell of anything much either, unless he's just been eating. He has very good dental hygiene. Perhaps he flosses when I'm not looking because he's allowed in the bathroom. Not the bedroom, though, because I want my clothes to stay relatively hair-free. Therefore the bedroom has a siren's call.

Just defending cats and those of us who insist they aren't little germ-vectors

On the subject of your DP, OP, he doesn't sound like a keeper.

skittycat · 08/12/2014 14:04

As someone who manages to cram into a bed with both a partner and five cats, I say have the cats on the bed! I recommend getting rid of yor partner though.

Original poster

Celestria · 08/12/2014 14:33

Thanks, it was about a lot more than this which I posted about elsewhere. We are over and will be doing my best to keep it that way. Ten cats and four children is okay isn't it?!

OP posts:

Ohfourfoxache · 08/12/2014 15:08

That only equates to two cats per person though.....!

If this is the tip of the iceberg then you did the right thing getting rid - sounds like a bit of a knobber just from what you've posted here.

Pipbin · 08/12/2014 15:12

LTB.

And I grew up in a house with 15 cats and one child (me).
It was fine, although I did spend a while thinking I was a cat.

oldgrandmama · 08/12/2014 16:19

Cat-sniffing is a very underrated pleasure. Cat's heads are especially nice but best of all is that lovely, fluffy feline belly. But a word of caution: many cats are not best pleased having a human face shoved in their tummies and as a result they may decide to re-arrange, painfully, your face, or take out an eye or two. Best stick to the head, or neck. Backs are OK too, but perhaps keep away from backside (especially if the animal has been eating liver).

Ohfourfoxache · 08/12/2014 16:50

Dh and I blow raspberries on boy-cat's tummy and he just purrs.

Girl-cat not so much!

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