Not to give someone a lift to a party when I've promised I will?

[Boysclothes]

We had a childrens party on the calendar for last weekend, a friend who has now moved an lives an hour away. It was scheduled to start at 11 am. We were supposed to give a lift to another friend and her DC. All the kids are 3.

Now, friend having party has quite a small social circle, and the scheduled attendees at the party are only my DS, DC I'm giving a lift to, and two other DC from our NCT group.

Of course, DS wakes up yesterday unwell and pretty quickly vomits everywhere, whingey, moans, has temp and just wants to sleep all day, which he did. Cancelled attendance with sincere apologies and obviously let friend I was giving a lift to that we wouldn't be taking her.

This obviously meant other friend couldn't go, and reduced party attendance by 50%. I feel terrible about this but now I'm getting a bit of stick/snidely comments from one of the other attendees about how I should have still given friend a lift. How sad it was to see birthday boy without anyone at the party, how I'd said I'd give the lift and if it were her, well, she always sticks by her word etc etc. I suspect this has originated from birthday mum and she was annoyed when I cancelled.

Should I have still given a lift? I could have taken friend and left DS with DH but it was an hour away! Two hour round trip to give someone else a lift to a three year olds party just didn't seem reasonable to me.

Sorry. Yes you should have given her a lift! You have a perfectly functioning parent to be with your DS.Selfish

Bollocks.

How does lift friend get to places normally. Maybe she could try utilising some of these methods. Perhaps consider a car, lift, bus, train or taxi?

Party mum should have arranged a lift for the child.

I didn't make an assumption over OPs ability to leave DS at home! OP states that she could have left DS with his dad!

Maybe I do too much for my friends.

I have however made the "assumption" that lift-friend doesn't have a car or access to one, so saying that she could have driven herself is a moot point. If she does have a car or access to a car, then of course that's another matter.

I know it doesn't take 2 parents to look after a sick child, but it makes things a whole lot easier.
It means 1 can rest while to other cares for the child. If op child is like mine they only want me when ill

Yanbu to not give the lift, your child comes first.

Better than risking giving the birthday child the vomiting bug!

Well, give the snide bitch the woman's address. If she truly feels so bad that a 3 year old won't have more children at his party, she'll be more than happy to give a lift.

I'd just send a "reply all" and said "I know I'm so sorry, but seeing as how you're so upset about it, I'm sure you could manage to give her a lift. :)" Now the blame is squarely on her and not you. Anytime she brings it up, defer it to her and if she refuses, remind her she's depriving a child of his guests. See how quickly it gets quiet. Or you could be an adult and tell her that a three year old is more fascinated with the shape of his poo than who goes to his birthday party, so quit being petty

Of course YANBU. Don't give it a second thought.

Miss wimpy - there were others travelling from the ops area to where the party host had moved too, they must be travelling there either by car (so could give lift mum a lift) or public transport (so it was possible for lift mum to go under her own steam). Assuming the host drives, she or her DP could have driven to pick up lift mum.

You might well do an excessive amount for your friends if you think it is selfish to not give up 4 hours of your time to take someone else's child to a party your child isn't going to. Most wouldn't.

She'd have been even more snide if you'd gone with friend, and spread a vomiting bug to birthday boy and his guests.

Surely the implication with this sort of thing is "if I'm going it's no problem"
Emphasis on the if
Not "I'm your personal free taxi service"

What if op had been all night with a sick child and not in a fit state to drive

wimpy Mabey you do. The child has a fully functioning parent who could use public transport, get a taxi or ask other parents for a lift there. Noway should op be asked to give a lift when she said she cannot go because her child is ill. A lift is a favour, not an obligation!

As I said, having at toddler who has DV is really hard, as they will probably be sick and diarohea everywhere instead of running to the toilet, so op and her DH probably were up half the night with him and are exhausted. Op should not be expected to drive 1 hour there, wait for 2 hours and another hour back, madness!

If the mother of the birthday child was so anxious to have the dc there she should have organised a lift for them herself. To expect someone who was already coping with an ill child to do a two hour round trip and stay at the party until friend was ready to leave is totally unreasonable.

YANBU. I say that as a non-driver.

I'll gratefully accept lifts if offered, but never expect them!

YANBU at all!

If it was that important they could have driven themselves and picked her up.

YANBU.

If you/DC aren't actually attending the party then it isn't a lift - but a car service.

How ridiculous to think that you would still drive all that way for someone else's benefit.

Friend should have had a back up plan to get there.

YADNBU!

I think that if I said I was going to abandon DH with a vomiting DS, he would lock the door and hide the key! Although, that does sound like an excellent idea next time one of the kids is sick! May lead to divorce but hey ho!

I had DC's christening last week, and to be honest I was amazed that everyone made it - I was fully expecting a number of the children to be poorly, and I knew that one sick child would have meant 4 absentees, as they are mainly 2 children families in my friend group... It's just a fact of life, I was really unsure what would have happened if DC had woken up vomiting!

Utterly ridiculous.

Your child was sick, your first responsibility is to the sick child. No way should you be chauffeuring other people about.

I am absolutely stunned that grown adults are unable to get themselves from A to B without another grown adult acting as their mummy. The lift friend, although she was understanding about the lack of lift should have made alternative arrangements. Public transport or whatever else she could think of.

As for the party mum, I'd cut contact with her. Yes I can see it would be unfortunate for the attendees to be thin on the ground but to lay blame with someone whose child is vomiting etc is such arrogant, entitled behaviour. I wouldn't bother making the effort to maintain a friendship with a person like this. If it was SO important to her, she could have gone and fetched the lift friend's 3yo herself.

Tbh these people sound like gigantic babies who can't do anything themselves.

Exactly, I would distance from party mum she sounds selfish and immature. Good thing she lives an hour away.

Very unfair. The other mums could have clubbed together to pay for friend's taxis if they were that bothered. It's a shame all round but your kid was sick