To not feel sorry for STBXH and refuse to get involved?

[ncforthisx]

STBXH walked out on us (3DCs) and left us in a huge mess because of it. He thought that he could do better and "have a better life if I go back to Uganda". He wasn't a permanent resident of the UK.

He's realised now that he has made a huge mistake and is finding it hard to get back into the country. It's been a stressful 5 months for us with little contact from him up until now.

He wants me to help him return by using his right to family life here in the UK. I don't want to help him but I've had people in my ear telling me that it's not fair on the children if I refuse. I think its ridiculous as he wasn't thinking about the children when he decided to piss off! He also repeatedly told me "I'll suffer the consequences but I'm not staying" when I was begging him to stay, and I really begged.

Am I being unreasonable for telling him to piss off and that he shouldn't involve me?

He is a callous user. He had no qualms about dumping you and the DCs, turning his back on you all just like that for a new life. He will use you to get back into the UK, and if he does will probably be a thorough nuisance to you..& when he gets his permanent stay I bet he'll piss off again..but just to another corner of England he won't make the mistake of living "back home" again.

Your DCs have you to look up to - a mother who raised and did not abandon them. Those who say you "should" help him - they can help him sort out his hard life if they're so bothered

Thank you for all of your responses. I've explained my reasons for refusing to help and he said that he's going to try to get back in by doing his Masters..! Guess he didn't find it easy to get the easy life he was looking for in Uganda..

He'll find it difficult to get back in for the Masters - I have a few non-EU international friends who have struggled to get in/stay in the UK unless they provide all kinds of proof for studying.

As you sow, so shall you reap.

If you are still married, what kind of official help would he need from you anyway? I'd refuse to help him and I would also certainly contact the immigration department to let them know that he abandoned your family (just in case he tries to pass some letter off as yours).

He is pressuring you to allow him to ESTABLISH a family life so he can use Family Life:

Article 8 (inter alia) provides the right to respect for one’s established family life. This includes close family ties, although there is no pre-determined model of a family or family life. It includes any stable relationship, be it married, engaged, or de facto; between parents and children; siblings; grandparents and grandchildren etc. This right is often engaged, for example, when measures are taken by the State to separate family members (by removing children into care, or deporting one member of a family group).that to establish a legal right to be in the UK.

Not only should you not feel morally obliged to help or feel sympathy, neither should you allow him to falsely claim that he has an established family life here when he chose to bugger off and leave that family when it suited him. He has given up his established family life, don't allow him to abuse you, your children and the law by pretending he has an established family life.