Was this nurse right?

[Elllimam]

I am currently in hospital with my fairly sick 18 week old. While I was waiting for the doctors round the nurse with them (who has been looking after us this morning) came up to me and said in an angry way that it was professional courtesy for me to have informed her I was a nurse. I am a nurse but I specialise in dementia care and research so therefore didn't think it was relevant. AIBU to be a bit annoyed? (I presume they have a note that a parent is a nurse as my husband informed the dr last night that he is a paediatric nurse)

That's insane. I'm a children's nurse and have looked after children of nurses/doctors and obviously we know this because of the admission paperwork but we would never expect them to have to tell anyone. Why should they? Their job had no bearing on the care we provide to their child.

That's insane.

I really hope your baby gets well soon x x

The working nurse had no business to know what your job was. If she felt embarrassed because she had been talking to you in simple words as if you were a child who did not understand what was going on, that smacks of patronising the rest of us. Do they think that we know nothing, that we do not understand the names of body parts or functions so have to be talked at as if we are 5?

After I had my third degree tear repaired after having DS3, the gynaecologist who did the repair thanked me for not telling him I was a surgeon
Your call about whether you tell them or not. I think there are pros and cons either way.

Sounds like she felt threatened to me. They only reason I can think of for revealing your profession is to save things being explained to you in simple terms when they could be explained in medical terms perhaps.
The nurse needs to learn to treat everyone with respect, regardless of their qualifications.
I am not a nurse but have 20 yrs experience of caring for my DD with complex health needs. I have on a number of occasions been asked by healthcare professionals if I am a nurse, when talking about DD.

Offtosee I think you might be right. She was just in checking my DS's oxygen levels and my mum (also a nurse) was here and told me she isn't a staff nurse she is a nursing auxiliary (she knows the uniforms I don't). Not that it matters really but I wonder if she felt I would know more as a staff nurse or something. She was actually quite nice this time. Sorry for the slight anti climax there, usually these threads get more interesting.

I'm in a medically related profession (not actually medically qualified) and it can be helpful in certain contexts to mention that I 'speak doctor' :) and am familiar with the NICE guidelines, evidence base etc. If I am.

This is for my convenience not theirs. The care should be equally good whoever you are, and if you are a top paediatric consultant and wish to present yourself as a standard punter I think that is your right.

It can get you into just as much trouble anyway. As when your five year old says proudly in clinic 'Mummy is a DOCTOR'. No darling, I'm the non medically qualified public health specialist and HE is the consultant paediatrician.

When my husband was ill I hated people knowing I was a doctor. Unfortunately his consultant and I had worked together years ago as more junior doctors. He was very professional with me as was everyone else but when the nurse specialist said she would phone me with his scan results I asked her to phone the hospice consultant as I was a carer in this instance and needed to be treated as such as I was so upset.

That nurse was not correct. OP sometimes you do need to say you are but not always.

How bizarre to talk about professional courtesy while not being professional at all!

Hope your child is better soon and ignore the daft woman

Hmm. As a HCP myself I would really not know. I try to treat everyone equally well and explain things equally clearly. If I'm teaching my grannie to suck eggs I assume you'll tell me!

I have tried very hard to keep the same stance when receiving health care but find it doesn't work unfortunately and pulling rank is the only way ( when dealing with hospital and my mother) to avoid a patronising " pat on the head". And get details rather than " yes her tests were ok" .

Your profession has nothing to do with it, you're there as a parent.

I'm a children's nurse and I would never expect any parent to tell me their profession unless they wanted to!

Fellow HCP , I don't tell other HCP when I have an appointment (apart from my Optician because my eyes are at risk of flying debris) and when I had recent surgery, because I had to arrange time off (and with us all working in the NHS , they know how difficult this can be)

But to get angry and quote "Professional Courtesy" ... bit OTT

I would have thought that a nurse with any degree of compassion might gave realised that as the mother of poorly child you had more important things to think of than telling her what your job was. Some thing are often best left unsaid, and imho this was one of them.

I don't think Abu at all.

My DD used to announce that I was a "paediatrician" (I'm a Podiatrist, big difference )

But DS once announced I was a "Paedophile" - I had to quickly explain the error of his ways (and I didn't know he listened that closely to the news)

I'd think that if you did announce you were a nurse it might sound odd - like you were asking for different treatment.

Why would you say you were a nurse anyway? It's hardly relevant.

Back to important stuff - how's he doing? xx

Start of my post was supposed to say

Waves to OP (can't operate technology today )

Yanbu how is this information relevant to your babies treatment!

I try not to mention I've got a Phd in biochemistry - because it isn't relevant to medical care and also ever since I was having abnormal cells removed from my cervix and the Dr thought I was interesting in watching the procedure on the tv screen. I'm in stirrups with no pants on, that's my cervix there - sure it is very interesting - but you know what - I really don't want to see, I don't want to know - I closed my eyes for the biopsy bit but I heard him saying we are making an incision etc...crossing my legs now thinking about it.
On the other hand I have a complicated medical history, may or may not have a blood disorder etc. I understand the tests are unreliable and why, about clotting pathways, I also know how research works, I do understand more about my situation than maybe 'the average man in the street'. I've just seen a new consultant for the first time and I told him mid consultation. Mainly because as someone else said up thread it helps communication, he knew he could talk to me at a certain level.
And I think if I hadn't said anything I may well have felt patronised -but it wouldn't have been his fault -because they have to aim what they say at the lowest level - to someone with no understanding of most of the terms, etc. And part of their duty of care is ensuring that patients are comfortable/happy with their treatment ...and people often will not say if they don't understand, are scared and most would not dream of questioning a doctor.
(Or maybe that's just my mother - who thinks I am wrong to do so - because doctors are always right ... except I do know that recently I only got blood taken for all the tests required before I was put on a medication which rendered them useless because I 'reminded' the emergency unit doctor. And something else that should have been done, wasn't and it is too late now and I am kicking myself because I knew but they were busy and I didn't want to hassle them anymore. )

I'm a nurse. I never announce it if I'm having a procedure - it makes the ward nurses uncomfortable. Like you're second guessing them.

That said, they guess instantly. The other day I was with my Dad in hospital and just assisting him from the loo to the bed. The nurse guessed I was a nurse just from the tone of my voice and the phrases I was using. There is a "nursey tone" that you tend to develop, lol.

That said, if I feel patronised I reveal it, cos the language changes instantly. With Dad one of the docs was explaining to me how he "had a bit of a lump in his tummy" I told her I was a nurse and she apologised and started talking in the most detailed technical terms. It was surreal.

First, how is your little one?

I hope all is going well.

Anyway, Totally her being unreasonable, and you not. Unless your profession had a direct relation to your baby's illness there is no need for you to say what you do.

And in this case when you're scared and tired you want your info clear and easy to understand. You don't want tetchy jargon that someone thinks you understand.

For her to be angry is very odd.

I admit that when I have nursed someone who I later found out was as HCP, I have gone over what I've done in my head, but if you're doing your job correctly no need to worry, seriously no need to get angry.

But your not a nurse right at that moment you were a parent of a patient and should be treated as such.

kept informed and consented to procedures and treated with the same kindness as anyone else.

what you do is irrelevant

Some nurses are so stuck up their own bottoms its rediculous. Tell her its nothing to do with her and if she acts unprofessional again you have a right to complain.

He is ok thank you everyone. Just won't keep his oxygen levels up but otherwise doing well xx

"With Dad one of the docs was explaining to me how he "had a bit of a lump in his tummy"

Bloody hell.

Why do some medical folk think that the rest of us are so fucking ignorant?

I mean there is surely a middle ground between medical terms & toddler language??

It's none of her business whether you choose to disclose your profession or not.

However, you can usually tell someone who has a healthcare background from the language they use.
I have only ever told my GP as the problem I had was relevant to my job. I rarely even use my job title at work. Only when I need to 'pull rank' or show that I know what I'm talking about do I use the term 'Staff Nurse'.