Unfortunately I am horribly familiar with your situation. It is now several months since I went non contact with my fil. Many aspects of his personality match your fils exactly.
I am posting because I do not think you should accept the Christmas invite. Nothing good can come of it. You say the other dils have had their dressing down and are still on the scene. You however are clearly very aware of exactly the kind of man you are dealing with, and you have a strong sense that to accept his behaviour would be a grave mistake.
People like this do not do olive branches or burying hatchets (except as you say in the other person).They are right, you are wrong, you will be told this, you will accept it. I suspect you would not be able to follow this script. Even if you could you would be left with a seething resentment.
The real problem in all this though, as always comes up in ils threads, is your dh. I voluntarily saw my fil on my own initially, although it was my dp's idea to speak to him. This was to challenge him on his vile behaviour towards a member of my immediate family. The next time we saw each other neither of us could speak to the other.
My dp pressed for an olive branch meeting. I told him it would be a waste of time, that it would be all about how his dad felt, what I had said, blah, blah, blah. My dp felt sure this wouldn't happen. Sure enough, on opening the "meeting" (pompous doesn't begin to cover it!) I was asked if I wanted to apologise for anything. This was re-worded in various ways, each time I looked him in the eye and said "No". I then asked him if he'd like to apologise to me. He just made an odd face.
I stuck to my guns, was brutally honest with him, challenged him and he made a complete arse of himself. Even his wife sided with me occasionally ! All of this I could, and have, dealt with. What I am still struggling with is my dp's lack of support. He sat opposite me and was quite clearly on his parent's "side".
Even though I have come to understand a little of why dp behaved as he did, it still doesn't change anything. He was unsupportive throughout, said things I cannot forget, and it's hard to move on.
I cannot see that your dh is going to be able to support you at the moment. If you agree to go, despite what your dh might tell his dad, you will get the dressing down, or a form of it. If you fight back, your dh won't like it. If you say nothing, feel furious and dh basically says, oh well, that's over, chin-up, you'll resent him just as much. He's already not supporting you since you told him your feelings about the Christmas visit.
I should imagine your dh is intimidated and cowed by his own father, as are the rest of the family. As someone up thread said, if you stand up to fil it won't be an opening of the floodgates to allow them to voice their opinions, they're too scared and over invested to do anything. You can only do what is right for you. Fil won't change, ever, and it's not your job (or possible) to be the group therapist for the rest of them.
Your fil has set in motion the "choose me" dilemma. Your choice is not to submit to a bully. Your dh's choice should be to support his wife. There is some excellent advice on a current thread called MIL problems on Relationships. The reasons why your dh will find it virtually impossible to support you are outlined by several posters on there.
You have my huge sympathies.