to think the school should change wording of letters if they don't mean what the letter says

[dingdongknockknock]

Dc1 brought a letter home from school about school play.

In it it said "we would like to allow photos, but if any parent does not want photos took we will arrange another time for photos to be took as we would not be able to allow photos or videos to be took"
So I told school I don't want dc1 to be in any photos for safety reasons

This morning the teacher stopped me and basically backed me into the corner to allow photos to be took (as its lovely to have photos took and they would make sure dc1 is in the corner and wearing something on DC head so no one can reconise DC)

So AIBU to think the school should not have put they will stop photos if really they push and push until the parent agrees to allow photos?

Re the grammar, I read it as most people being outraged by the school sending a letter like that, not having a pop at the op

Yes, because the OP looked from the title that it was about the wording of letters, people obviously homed in on the "took". The thread actually isn't about letters really, but a Headteacher who won't prioritise safeguarding or inclusion.

So I don't think it's really fair to castigate anyone for pointing out the grammar stuff, as it looked like that's what they were being asked to do.

On the actual topic, it looks like most posters are pretty sympathetic.

Worth a formal complaint to the lea and govenors

I agree. Formal complaint to govenors, and LEA (if applicable), OFSTED, possibly MP - obviously the normal nuclear fall-back position of threatening to go to the papers isn't available.

Perhaps give the head one last chance to see sense before you escalate, including a couple of suggestions from this thread of reasonable approaches that they could try that would keep all parents happy (eg photo call at end of show, two performances: one with and one without filming etc). Presumably you do intend your DC to stay at this school, so an "I would request that you reconsider otherwise I would regretfully have to make a formal complaint to X/Y/Z" might salvage the situation before irreparable breakdown of relationship.

^ excellent post.

This is disgusting; this headteacher is a liability.

Please do pursue it OP - he's a bully and he's doing because he knows you can't stick your head above parapet to shout loudly.

Thats awful. :(

dingdongknockknock take it higher, this is disgraceful. Good luck.

YANBU, this is an absolute disgrace. Your child has a right to be safe and a right not to be singled out/excluded because of their need for safety. The attitude from the school is disgusting, you need to escalate this. They are handling this in an unprofessional, insensitive and negligent manner.

I've spoke to a teacher.

I was led to believe there was only one performance but found out there is actually 4 which makes it worse.

Dd wont be staying in this school and I'm in the middle of writing the complaint but struggling.

What are you struggling with? Lots of keen letter writers on MN who can help!

IMHO you need to say:

1. You and DC are fleeing violent ex. School has been aware of this from Day One, and as a result no permission has ever been given for photos of DC .

1. School has already accidentally used images of DC (give details) and OP was assured this would not happen again.

1. OP was given a form/letter re photography at the nativity, and wrote confirming existing position (no photos). OP and DD were subsequently pressured (say by whom) to "change their mind".

1. After a meeting between HT and OP, HT has decided to exclude DD from all four performances rather than restrict videography and photography.

1. OP wants to know how any of this fits in with keeping her child safe and included at school.