More of a WWYD...homeless man living in mums shed

[ClashCityRocker]

First time I've posted in AIBU.

My mum lives in a block of flats.

She rang me earlier this evening in a bit of a state. She does have anxiety issues and tends to panic about things.

She lives in a block of flats. Each flat has an 'indoor' shed, like a coal shed, by the front door, and also an outside shed that funds adjacent to the block of flats.

She doesn't really use the outside shed, mainly because there has been a lot of break-ins in the area, and in particular around where she lives.

This morning, she was looking out the windows and saw a man come out of the shed. She went down to investigate and the lock had been broken (it's a latch with a padlock on it) and there was a load of cardboard, a sleeping bag and a couple of blankets in it, plus a bit of rubbish (empty food packages etc) that hadn't been there before. She hasn't seen him come back yet but has been keeping an eye out.

She's fuming. I can't really see the harm, other than the broken lock, and to be honest, if all he's got to keep him warm on a cold winters night is an empty shed, he's welcome to it...but it's not my shed and I don't know if I'd feel different if it was. She won't confront him...she does have anxiety and other mental health issues and is really not good at dealing with things and is tying herself in knots about it. She wants me to do something about it, but what?

I think she'd like me to 'just get rid of him', but I really do think it's too harsh and she shouldn't begrudge someone a bit of shelter...

So as not to drip feed, she does require a lot of day to day support doing things - for example, I have to make sure her bills are paid (with her money) and that foods in and deal with things that come up in general...she struggles a bit but I love her dearly,

Just not sure how to handle this in the best way...

I worked with homeless people a few years ago and certainly round here it is very difficult to access emergency accommodation. Hostels are full, B&B places in high demand so the council reserve the places for the most vulnerable - or those they are legally obliged to house - and even for these people (under 25's, care leavers, those leaving prison, pregnant women) they make them jump through hoops to prove they are in a vulnerable category. Most homeless people are turned away in my experience.

Back to the OP, try to calm your mum down and take the man a sleeping bag and a hot drink.

I would be really careful here and contact the relevant authorities.

Years ago, we discovered that someone was sleeping in the bin area in the front garden of the house where we rented a flat. Turned out he had absconded from the secure unit of the local psychiatric hospital and was a very ill young man. We were advised not to approach him under any circumstances.

For a sentimental second I thought 'Oh poor man, how nice that he has somewhere to be and your mother is letting him in peace'. Then I thought about how I'd feel if I discovered rough sleepers living in the barn on my property. I'd have the police and local authorities round in the blink of an eye.

I think there's a certain amount of moral exhibitionism going on here. Some posters seem to be falling over themselves to encourage a total stranger to do a load of supposedly 'kind' things said posters most likely wouldn't in reality do themselves. So the posters get to look all warm and caring, at no risk or expense to themselves. I don't think that's kindness, just posturing. The few people who have posted with first-hand knowledge of the reality of homelessness have advised a more measured approach and I think that's really telling.

While it might give us a nice warm feeling playing Lady Bountiful on the internet with someone else's property, the reality is that while this guy might be harmless, once word gets out among rough sleepers/drug users in the area that there's a dry place to drink/use/fuck where you don't be disturbed then the OP's mother's shed could end up becoming a hub for all kinds of seedy activity.

Some of these replies are INSANE!!

I cannot imagine any circumstance in which I'd look out my back window whilst washing up, see someone breaking my lock, moving into my garden shed and think "aw bless, I'll just do this pan and I'll pop up there with a sleeping bag and a cup of tea".

!!!!

Call the police, new lock, call council.

Can you contact shelter for advice? They do outreach to street sleepers, which he effectively is.

Otherwise can the council help?

" take the man a sleeping bag and a hot drink"
Oh FFS I do not believe for a minute that anybody on this thread would do that, I really do not.

some info for all the "cup of tea and sleeping bag" posters on this thead: here's a way to channel all that kindness

SHELTER
By telephone
Just call our Supporter Helpdesk on 0300 330 1234

england.shelter.org.uk/donate/set_up_a_direct_debit_by_phone_or_post

Out of interest, from a legal perspective, does anyone know what your liabilities are or become if you allow / support a person living in your property?

I would donate to Shelter if they hadn't been so unashamedly crap and unsupportive to every homeless person I've ever known.

Sunny , just because you wouldn't do something, you can't assume that other people wouldn't. You've no idea what other people have or haven't done in the past. DH once gave a homeless man our tent, for example.

No, I've got no idea what the liability situation is and I couldn't give the faintest fuck tbh.

Yes but would your husband have given him the tent if he was going to pitch it up in your back garden?

I'm part of a society that goes around the local town centre and we give out hot drinks, food and gloves to homeless people. And we have to be extremely careful because there's some volatile individuals out there. A lot are very nice, but even with safety in numbers it can be intimidating. For an elderly woman having a man break into her shed and sleep in it would be really scary. And suggesting she take food and encourage him to stay.. well frankly it's not safe or sensible.

littlejohnnydory... well that's not very sensible, is it? but I think it's just a case of big mouth.

Ok an update - rang shelter, they put me in touch with street link. They were quite helpful.

They are going to try and get an outreach worker to him tonight. I have a local number to ring if I see him come back. Hopefully, he will come back and they'll be able to help him. Stopping at my mums tonight, to take her mind of it a bit and make her feel a bit safer. She's been glued to the window all day, apparently, waiting to see if he comes back.

I did consider giving him some extra blankets but my mum is a vulnerable person herself and I would be concerned that it would encourage return visits to the area - also, I'd rather not engage with him purely for safety reasons. I hope that doesn't sound too judgemental.

If he doesn't come back, I will go get a new lock fitted tomorrow. I really hope the outreach worker can sort something, I feel really sad that someone only has a shed to sleep in tonight. But it can't be an ongoing situation.

OP - do you want to say what part of the country you are in?

There are very few direct access hostels these days where a rough sleeper can self refer. Most units within hostels are contracted to the Local Authority which fund the beds and make the referral to the hostel. The bedspace is then funded via housing benefit which is paid directly from the LA to the service provider. Most local authorities these days require a 'local connection' to be proved before they will fund a bed. This means in practice that the individual will need to be able to prove a connection to the local area for a set period before being able to access that housing benefit. There is no defined set period of time, it depends on the local authority. For those with no recourse to public funds or for those unable to prove the local connection, the options are limited.

No Second Night Out provides accommodation in warehouse type buildings where everyone sleeps on mattresses on the floor and where for health and safety reasons the lights have have to kept on all night. Some areas have some limited accommodation set up for rough sleepers who have no recourse to public funds. You may not know the answer to this but is he British?

If the people saying they would give him a flask of soup and a blanket mean it, why not go into any city centre with your soup and blankets?

Excuse my cynicism, but homeless people aren't hard to find - just go to London or Manchester or Birmingham or Nottingham of Edinburgh or Norwich. They are there.

The fact this man has chosen the OPs mum's shed to stay in doesn't mean she's obliged to feed and clothe him!

Quite Daffodils, they are welcome to come to Preston and help me and my team when I do it.

I'm in North Yorkshire, I'm not sure of the nationality of the man, he seems to be white. Haven't seen him myself and mum only saw him by streetlight.

I actually do have some personal experience of homelessness, and lived in a hostel myself for a period of time when younger, but appreciate things have changed since then. The person I spoke to earlier said that if they can find him, they should be able to sort some emergency accommodation with a view to finding something longer term, if he is willing and able to engage with the services. I've often wondered why they can't set up something in empty buildings - maybe offer a reduction in rates.

Grays we donated to RUCSAC (I think it is called this) at work a couple of weeks ago and we were told nicely by the vicar a lot of the stuff we'd donated was too nice and would be either stolen, or sold!

I guess for a lot of people there is an ideal of homelessness involving a sort of view that all they need is a hot drink and warmth and they'll be fine but it up just isn't that simple.

No it isn't, I once had that view but when I got involved with it it was shocking how complex it is. like we had all these 'amazing' ideas about what we'd do and how we'd help but we'd have done more harm then good.

Now it's gotten colder we do go out with sandwiches and warm drinks, but we have strict guidelines about what we do and how we do it.

Oh wow! Well least you know your stuff was nice

You also have to be careful about insurance and responsibility for safety in this situation. If the OP's mother allows him to remain in the shed, she effectively is granting permission for him to be there, and her insurance could be impacted. She could also be liable if he hurts himself.

Well I'm not actually far from Preston so give me a message if you do want anything!

There's a surplus of lovely blankets, trainers and sleeping bags donated by very well meaning colleagues!

That's amazing and so generous of you dafodil! When I'm next in the area (we'll be having a meet up soon) I'll drop you a PM if you don't mind

Please do! I'll PM my email address now in case I don't check in on here :)

I've just seen him go in.

Gonna ring the number now, hopefully they'll send someone.

Christ, he looks young though .

I would report to a homeless charity and call 101 also.

As much as I feel for rough sleepers esp in the winter you cannot help anyone set up home in a shed. There are bigger issues.

We have homeless people setting up camp around my block of flats a lot. In the gas cupboard for example. It's complex and there are lots of knock on problems.

From a purely selfish PoV there is only so much human faeces on our path I want my dc skipping around. Drug paraphernalia gets left lying around. Fire risks. Coming home late at night to out of it strangers on the doorstep etc. It can quickly become quite frightening.

The help they need is beyond my control.

They're going to try to send someone out tonight, they said. If he's under twenty five apparently he has a better chance of them being able to find a long term solution as they have more places.

Whilst I too would feel compassion for the man, if he is causing your mum further mental health worries her needs must come first for you. I think you've done the right thing calling the professionals who can do what's best for him.