More of a WWYD...homeless man living in mums shed

[ClashCityRocker]

First time I've posted in AIBU.

My mum lives in a block of flats.

She rang me earlier this evening in a bit of a state. She does have anxiety issues and tends to panic about things.

She lives in a block of flats. Each flat has an 'indoor' shed, like a coal shed, by the front door, and also an outside shed that funds adjacent to the block of flats.

She doesn't really use the outside shed, mainly because there has been a lot of break-ins in the area, and in particular around where she lives.

This morning, she was looking out the windows and saw a man come out of the shed. She went down to investigate and the lock had been broken (it's a latch with a padlock on it) and there was a load of cardboard, a sleeping bag and a couple of blankets in it, plus a bit of rubbish (empty food packages etc) that hadn't been there before. She hasn't seen him come back yet but has been keeping an eye out.

She's fuming. I can't really see the harm, other than the broken lock, and to be honest, if all he's got to keep him warm on a cold winters night is an empty shed, he's welcome to it...but it's not my shed and I don't know if I'd feel different if it was. She won't confront him...she does have anxiety and other mental health issues and is really not good at dealing with things and is tying herself in knots about it. She wants me to do something about it, but what?

I think she'd like me to 'just get rid of him', but I really do think it's too harsh and she shouldn't begrudge someone a bit of shelter...

So as not to drip feed, she does require a lot of day to day support doing things - for example, I have to make sure her bills are paid (with her money) and that foods in and deal with things that come up in general...she struggles a bit but I love her dearly,

Just not sure how to handle this in the best way...

OP, I do understand that you want to help the man and think he is doing no harm. But its your mother who lives there, not you. From your posts, it seems that she needs assistance with day to day things, therefore I would think she feels vulnerable him being there. As there have been past break ins, of course this is going to make her feel uncomfortable.

I think you need to think of your mother first here OP. I too have been homeless at one point. As previously mentioned, there are lots of reasons why people become homeless. If you report him, then he will take the help available if he wants to. Not everyone wants help. Please do not go there and try to chat to him about it.... You have no idea of his circumstances. I have seen some very alarming things, I have seen homeless people steal from one another, threaten each other with knives, going cold turkey......

Not to say that this is the case with this guy, but how are to know.......

It's so tragic that in 2014 and in a reasonably affluent country with a benefits system people are still forced to sleep rough. Most hostels and night shelters are full to capacity.

Couldn't you just put a new padlock on the door, something more robust? He then might start living in one if the other sheds instead

Agree it is your dm's property not yours. If she wants him out then she could contact the management company or local police who could move him on . She also has an obligation to other residents. Hopefully they can redirect him to a shelter or hostel. If it were being used as drugs den I bet you wouldn't feel so charitable .

Your dm should call the police who can get him to a shelter. It's not about being nice or not, your dm doesn't know a thing about him if he's dangerous or not. If he's in a communal space it's not right to put others in the same position as having to deal with this.

Also it is illegal to have someone living in your shed, otherwise everyone would be letting out their sheds.
Sleeping accommodation has to pass building regs as being habitable.

living in shed

I would not be happy with a stranger living on the property after breaking a lock. Get real with all this 'bring him a filled roll and a flask of tea' shite. Contact the authorities who are trained to deal with this situation. I feel for your Mum, and incidentally, the homeless man, but in reality, it isn't her problem to the extent that she should worry about her right to peace of mind infringed.

Also, shame on the people encouraging others to approach this person, when I am sure they don't 100 percent mean it and wouldn't do it themself. It is akin to someone breaking into your home or car, and then you saying 'Oh, you must be down on your luck' and giving them snacks and a drink, with a list of helplines to help them out of their situation. Would. Not. Happen.

It's absolutely down to your mother and how she feels. I think you have to put her MH issues first.

Yes he could be lovely but he also might not be.

Would I let a homeless person pitch a tent in my garden? No I wouldnt. Would I like it if a homeless person moved in to my dgm coal shed no I wouldn't. My first thought would be for her safety not some random stranger.

If you can help him out do so but I'd move him on.

I am quite surprised at the number of people suggesting taking blankets and food to him! What?! He has broken and entered into part of this elderly lady's property, where he has absolutely no right to be, he is squatting there, and this upsets her.

To feel upset by this is completely reasonable.

To want him gone is completely reasonable.

Whatever you do, do not approach him. He may be lovely, but he really, really may not be, and it's not a risk worth taking. Agree with posters who have suggested calling shelter for advice as to next steps to get him out and to get him access to the support he obviously needs. ASAP.

And make sure that the padlock on the shed is super secure from now on.

I am shocked people would take him food and blankets. Why would you put yourself in a potentially dangerous situation. He does not need a cosy chat from the person whose property he has broken into and damaged he needs advice from a homeless organisation.

I am assuming the people who would take him food and clear up after him as he has no toilet are not the ones who won't even let a workman invited into their home use the loo.
I have no anxiety issues and would happily answer my door late at night but I would not feel safe with a strange man squatting on my property.

I was despairing at the amount of people tripping over themselves to show how caring they would be.

We're not talking about a stray cat here.

I wouldn't be happy with this. It's not uncaring not to want a stranger living in your shed.

Ring 101. If she is sure he is out, then get a sturdier lock on the shed, two or more preferably. I would let the other occupants know, too. Don't approach this person. You really have no idea how he might react.

PMSL at all these bring him soup and tea brigade. Let me come over and camp out in your shed or garage gratis, I am sick of paying rent.

I would feel very vulnerable if I were your DM and my first thought would be to ring the police
This man has broke into her property and is squatting there and people would bring him tea and blankets?! Would people do that if he's broke into the flat and was living in the airing cupboard too?!
The mind boggles

Ring 101 they won't arrest him but will help secure more suitable accommodation for him. He may just not like the suitable accommodation not all homeless people do for a variety of reasons. He maybe can't always get a bed for the night at local shelters that throw them out every morning and then it's a first come first serve for rooms every night. All our local churches have a rotating night time shelter at this time of year because it gets so cold and they have a supply of donated warm clothing.

They may arrest him if he's a wanted criminal in which case you don't really want him in your shed either.

My Mum (willingly) has a homeless man in her conservatory at night. He gets bits of shopping (booze) for her. HOwever, she is doing him no favours as he recently had a tumour and was discharged to her address by the hospital. If he had not had her place to go to, he would have been a priority for some sort of housing, further medical care and support. As it is, he just lives there - helping them both remain alcoholics (no romantic involvement - he is 45 and she is 75 and very disabled).

It's easy to say we'd take him soup and blankets... but the reality is we probably wouldn't if it was our shed. We'd call the police and let them deal with it.

He could injure himself in the shed or burn the place down trying to keep warm or anything. Sheds tend to be home to lots of flammable stuff like paint, weed killer or even gas canisters or varnish. A discarded cigarette for example could be a disaster.

The best thing you can do for this man is pass it over to the police. They will take him to a shelter and the best thing you can do is donate some stuff to your nearest if you really want to help. Toothpaste, brushes, shampoo, soap and safety razors are all appreciated. As are warm socks, gloves and other practical and warm clothes.

Glad to hear you are going to call Shelter, OP.

Personally I would call the police & let them help him - they are experienced with people sleeping rough & will do a proper assessment of his needs & find him a place to stay.

I have worked with homeless people, & the police are always v sympathetic & helpful in this type of case.

All the best to you & to your Mum.

rose that sounds like a bad situation.

So glad this thread that's finally got some sensible replies!

Rose

How did he come to be living in the conservatory?

My mother is a bit of a mad alcoholic and talks to everyone. She ended up chatting to him, felt sorry for him and he comes and goes as he pleases, sleeping there most nights in winter and occasionally in summer. He is a nice bloke (but with massive alcohol problems too) and he does help her out. We all live a long way from her (think hundreds of miles) and she won't move. He buys her fags, runs errands etc. As she has become increasingly housebound, he has become more useful. I haven't met him, but have chatted on the phone. My sisters have met him. He has huge problems but is an ex-Marine so has a good pension and could choose to live somewhere more appropriate but he refuses to buy into the system. The tumour was massive before he would get it treated because, like all addicts, he avoids medical help. I do find it frustrating as he enables her alcoholism and she means that he cannot get help for his (far more curable given his age) addictions.

However, I do not think she is in any danger. I do (secretly) admire her for the way in which she has managed to get someone to deliver her drink, now she is housebound. Frustratingly, she has a spare room and if he would agree to be a "lodger" she could even get some money from him which, given that she only has a basic pension and lives in a very old, draughty, expensive to heat building, would be a godsend.

Hey Ho.

Much less good story is my sister who took a tramp home one night (he looked cold) complete with dog on the end of a piece of string. She was not murdered in her bed but was so drunk she didn't remember he was there until she got back from work the next day to hear the dog barking from the spare room.

Mad - the lot of them!

I'd be speaking to a homeless helpline first, and I might actually leave a little note because homeless or not, he's breaking and entering and how did he know that your mother doesn't use it on a daily basis?

I've had some problems with homeless people sleeping on our carpark. That in itself I don't mind at all, it's safe for them, what does bother me is when they pee on the floor and their noise at night which keeps me awake. Or the fact they go through our bins and leave rubbish littered all over the floor.