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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to think mufti day is only allowed because it makes schools money

76 replies

Catwomum36 · 03/12/2014 18:35

Ds and dd have mufti on Friday and as with every year they get picked on for not having hollister or superdry or addidas trainers.

Me and dh both earn under £15,000 and dc's go to school in a wealthy area. The dc's friends all live in private homes, in areas with prices £225,000 and £260,000 (the upmarket end of town). We have a council flat. Dc's friends all get iPhones, iPads, iPods, iMacs and ps4 for Xmas or birthday. They all have branded clothes.

Last mufti ds was teased because he had ankle swingers and tatty clothes. Me and dh just can't afford to my new ones even from supermarket.

I feel like I've let my children down Sad because I can't buy them things their friends have. But Aibu to think schools just allow mufti because it makes them money.

OP posts:
MammaTJ · 03/12/2014 18:55

Your children need to have at least one outfit that fits them. Maybe go to charity shops or look on ebay.

mymummademelistentoshitmusic · 03/12/2014 18:56

If you're both working, even on low wages, and living in a council flat in Northumberland your outgoings shouldn't be too high. Unless you're silly with money then you should be able to afford better clothes than you've described for your children.

pourmeanotherglass · 03/12/2014 18:56

DD1 has her first mufti day tomorrow. She is completely disinterested in fashion, so wants to go in jeans and denim jacket, with cheap canvas shoes. Her jeans are bootleg because she finds skinnies uncomfortable. She is in yr 7 and didn't go with any primary friends, so I've no idea what her new friends will wear. I tried to persuade her to wear jeggins instead, but she doesn't want to. I don't think she's even heard of superdry etc. I hope she's OK.

mymummademelistentoshitmusic · 03/12/2014 18:57

Ah. Thanks Mintyy for reminding us op is new to mumsnet. If I'd realised I'd have welcomed her.

WooWooOwl · 03/12/2014 18:57

Of course schools have mufti day to make money, that's the whole point. Sometimes it's for the school, sometimes it's for a charity.

My children don't have Hollister and the like. I can't afford it, but I don't think the things you have described mean that these people are wealthy. Stuck up maybe if their children are picking on people for not having designer clothes, but not wealthy.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 03/12/2014 19:00

We bought a Nike sweatshirt from TK Max for a tenner, ds adored it as no way would we pay full price. He was teased at school on non uniform day as some kids said it was a fake Confused

There will always be kids that tease what ever you are wearing but I do agree with you OP, if there's a uniform then it should be worn all the time so as not to single anyone out.

skylark2 · 03/12/2014 19:00

My kids don't have labels or ianythings, and they go to schools where some people are massively wealthy (as in: their parents are people you will have heard of). It's never been an issue on mufti day, and the money goes to charity.

If my kids felt that unhappy and out of place somewhere, I'd move them. What sort of "friends" would do that to someone? I agree with the poster who said you should let the staff know.

Original poster
Catwomum36 · 03/12/2014 19:00

They should not be as high but we took out a credit card to pay for the gas and other bills. I can only afford clothes from time to time. Ds jeans were not too small but were ankle swingers and have brought new jeans since then

OP posts:
HighwayDragon · 03/12/2014 19:02

wtf does mufti mean?

RiverTam · 03/12/2014 19:03

how are you at managing your money? Because your salaries don't sound that bad if you're in Northumberland and living in a council house (i.e. you're living in a fairly cheap area with low overheads for housing, at least), yet your DS doesn't have a single pair of jeans that fit him? You don't have to keep up with the Joneses but tbh it sounds like you're just not managing your money very well.

And raising money for music equipment is a very good thing, I can't understand why you think it wouldn't be.

Sirzy · 03/12/2014 19:03

Own clothes highway

DaisyFlowerChain · 03/12/2014 19:03

Mufti days are usually for charity or the PTA and an easy way to raise funds for those charities.

Children don't need brands, clothes nowadays are very cheap and if your salaries don't stretch to clothing your children perhaps you need to look at your outgoings rather than blame the school for daring to have a mufti day.

RiverTam · 03/12/2014 19:04

mufti = own clothes, not uniform. From Indian colonial days, I believe.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 03/12/2014 19:06

I know it must be hard for some people to imagine but sometimes even if you look at your outgoings it changes nothing, what a nasty thing to say Shock

Pyjamaramadrama · 03/12/2014 19:07

More fool the parents who waste money on tat like Superdry. The good thing is there is only a short time when clothes are an issue, secondary school can be a cruel place but it's soon over and image becomes less of an issue.

In my day it was sports clothes, laughable now. They'll all cringe at Superdry in a few years.

Roseformeplease · 03/12/2014 19:14

But pupils where I teach, in a very mixed catchment, compliment each other on Primark bargains, not on labels. And YABU as the money is to supply things for all pupils, and benefit all pupils - not the school, but the people.

If your children are being bullied, that is a completely separate issue. Any child being bullied should have the full support of the school. The school should not change what they do they should punish the offenders (perhaps by not letting them take part in non-uniform days so they stand out)

bonhomme · 03/12/2014 19:18

Wow, some of the responses on here are very unsympathetic. It isn't nice for children to be picked on in that way - they just want to fit in - and you have my sympathies OP.

mummytime · 03/12/2014 19:20

Well in the pretty wealthy area I live in, none of the wealthy kids worry too much about labels etc. On the other side of town in the poorer area there are a lot more primary children with iphones etc.
I would say something to the school, and see if they can do something about unkind remarks.

Often the poshest people can care the least about things like labels.

TheFirstOfHerName · 03/12/2014 19:21

I might be outing myself here, but 18 months ago, DS1 dressed up as a clown on mufti day. Wig included. He was in Y8 and got approval from Head of Year and Head of KS3 beforehand. He asked pupils and staff to sponsor him, and then if people wanted to take a selfie with him on the day, they had to donate an additional 50p. He raised over £90 for the school charity.

So that's one way to sidestep the school fashion show.

Ilovehamabeads · 03/12/2014 19:22

Where I grew up, a mufti is another word for vagina. Am lmfao at school mufti days. Grin

bonhomme · 03/12/2014 19:25

Agree mummytime - same where I live too. But I suppose there's a distinction between not having branded clothes and having clothes that don't fit/are tatty. That would single you out in most places.

Original poster
Catwomum36 · 03/12/2014 19:26

We don't have any way to improve are outgoings we live on the breadline I earn 11k and dh earns 13k we can't cut back. We have debt and we have bills.

Their is a particular group who wear all too high end designers (diesel, ted baker, Levi, and the girls wear Karen Millen, whistles and jigsaw.) They are the uber cool group though and look and sneer at everyone. They called ds a tramp last mufti

OP posts:
bonhomme · 03/12/2014 19:28

Well, they sound like a nasty bunch and would probably call everyone tramps who are not in their group.

TheFirstOfHerName · 03/12/2014 19:29

I think the problem is with this 'alpha' group of students, who sound snobbish and unkind.

Original poster
Catwomum36 · 03/12/2014 19:31

They are snobbish definitely

OP posts: