to think he should have fucking asked me?

[FrauHelgaMissMarpleandaChuckle]

exhusband has got me a ticket to an event tonight.

He didn't ask.

I don't want to go.

DD is going, which I'm fine with - I have her tonight and I'm going to dump and run. (she's 16) or at least, I was. But he's got me a ticket. And he's now getting stroppy that it's a waste of money and he got me and ticket and and and

He's not going btw.

So, AIBU that he should've fucking asked me if I wanted to go, and if I did I'd have bought my own fucking ticket?

And all of you saying this isn't a big deal - if you are constantly having to deal with an ex, they may be your ex, but it is really nice when things are reasonably friendly. This is someone you have a history with, and for good or ill you are dealing with them regularly for the sake of your kids, so a smooth relationship is easier for all concerned. It can be a royal pain in the arse when stuff happens which reminds you all over again why you found them so insuffferable.

Sorry YABU to get so angry about this. He was just trying to be nice from what you have said, it wasn't a passive aggressive control thing. You just had to say thanks but I can't make it. You are making it into a far bigger deal than it needs to be.

I don't hate him, btw, to whoever said that.

But this is totally infuriating. DD is going. I knew DD was going a week or two ago (can't remember - bad mother! so sue me!) we talked about it, I agreed to take her and bring her back.

She never asked me to go.

If I wanted to go, I was more than capable of buying my own fucking ticket.

Imagine your MIL rang you said what a fantastic present she'd got your kids. But you had to take them. Tonight. All evening. To something you had no desire on the face of God's green earth to go to. And you would be sitting on your own, not even with your kids.

And then she expected you to be grateful.

I said "I wasn't planning on going."

I THEN got texts calling me "ungrateful" and moaning about the waste of money. And telling me how nice and wonderful he was being and how he was only trying to be nice and he wouldn't bother being nice to me anymore and what a waste of his money

So then I said "well you should have asked me first. I have other plans"

Sorry - I just check the text - I said "thanks but I wasn't planning on going."

Just for context. We are 7 almost 8 years divorced. He has never ever in his puff bought me as much as a card. Not even when we were married. Not a card, not a present. I chose and bought my own presents at Christmas and birthdays every year.

Mr kind and thoughtful he ain't. so pardon me for being suspicious and thinking there is more to this than generosity of spirit.

I THEN got texts calling me "ungrateful" and moaning about the waste of money. And telling me how nice and wonderful he was being and how he was only trying to be nice and he wouldn't bother being nice to me anymore and what a waste of his money

What you should have said was 'you go then. I have no intention of going and if I wanted a ticket I'd have bought one. It's your fault for assuming anything about my social life. Next time, save your money. Have you thought about putting it on ebay?'

Total BS imo. He wants your daughter supervised at this concert and thinks you should do it as its "your" night. So he bought you a ticket. It's got sod all to do with treating you.

Get him a ticket to Gay - The Musical.

Am I naive to suggest he was doing it to be nice? My parents would do this sort of thing for each other despite both being remarried for 20 years x

For God's sake don't pay for the ticket. Say you've changed your mind about it. Let him swallow the expense, he might get the message that way, and not do it again.

So what if you HAD bought yourself a ticket? What would he have done then with a spare ticket?

Whatever his intention was to begin with, he can't get arsey with you about the waste of money. By not asking, he risked that it wouldn't be used. He is the one that wasted money, not you.

Enjoy the

I'm surprised at the number of people who think YABU. I would be peed off if my actual DH did this, let alone an ex. Just buying the ticket is a bit presumptuous but not too terrible. But to call you ungrateful and moan about the money is outrageous and shows a real lack of respect for you.

YABU to be cross he didn't ask

YANBU to be cross that he is now getting upset that you don't want the ticket.

He's entitled to buy the ticket but entirely at his own risk that you wouldn't want it. He is not entitled to complain when you then don't want it.

FWIW I also think he was being unreasonable buying a ticket for DD on YOUR night with her, without asking you first. For all he knew you might have had plans to do something with DD.

Hmm.

Buying you a ticket without asking, on a take-it-or-leave-it basis = bit over involved but basically fine.

Buying you a ticket and huffing and puffing about you not wanting it = very unreasonable.

Buying you a ticket, huffing and puffing, and he's never bought you anything in his life = what is he up to?

I wonder if he'll shortly ask you for a whopping favour, and this was supposed to put you in his "debt" so you'll find it harder to say no? That would explain his OTT dudgeon that you've failed to play ball - when he's invested actual cash in his plans and all.

That could just be my nasty, suspicious mind, though.