No presents for married people!

[kikkomum]

DH and I got married last year. At some point before Christmas MIL made it clear that they wouldn't be buying us Christmas presents and wouldn't be expecting any from us. I went along with it last year, slightly bemused - I think the reason is that there's not much they want (their needs are few and simple) and they would just end up with something that they didn't want or need. It's definitely not for financial reasons.

This year we had our baby girl. We've had some photos done of her and PILS will get one of those (and maybe a photo book if I get round to it).

Maybe this isn't an aibu as I don't give to receive presents - it's just nice to choose things you think people will enjoy and there's always a book or similar that I would appreciate. I guess I'm wondering how common place it is not to receive presents from your parents (in DH's case) or PILs in my case.

I did spell out that I didn't think for a minute that people who don't do gifts to adults are joyless, I said in fact they obviously weren't, because I can see you all have lovely and loving Christmasses (if that is the plural of Christmas, I haven't a clue). I just meant that it would feel like that to me, but only because of my personal associations with the whole thing. Perhaps because I don't have children I see it differently, it would feel a bit like being pushed out I think. Also there are other adults in my family who don't have children and love the whole present thing.

I certainly could enjoy Christmas without presents (although not the food, I never enjoy the Christmas food particularly). Presents aren't the main thing about Christmas, for me that is spending time with loved ones, followed by the atmosphere and music. That doesn't mean I see a reason to stop presents though.

Also I am being honest when I say that I would miss giving far more than receiving. I genuinely love selecting things for people, it isn't material in focus it is about thought and care. I do try not to give clutter or unwanted gifts to adults, and always check if they want a surprise or to ask for a specific thing. We do have one or two family members who sometimes announce they absolutely won't be giving or receiving (usually late on Christmas Eve ) - last time this happened I just gave them the things I'd wrapped the next year, by which time they were really into it (although again not spelled out till last minute again, heigh ho).

Anyway you all sound like you create a lovely Christmas for your families.

We don't buy for adults either! Although one yr dh, myself & his sister bought the ILs concert tickets, but that is rare.

MIL usually makes Christmas cakes for everyone.

Me and DH both come from a small nuclear family (DH and FIL don't exchange gifts), so it's no sacrifice on our parts to exchange gifts with everyone in my family, including DD. We don't exchange gifts with extended family.

Now that we have DD, everyone just sort of redistributed the budget pots to fit one more person. We very happily exchange gifts with each other. I like giving gifts to my family, and they feel the same. I do know my parents are excited to spoil DD for her first Christmas.

DB likes giving gifts he knows we want so demands a wish list because he doesn't like guessing. But... On that same vein he doesn't see the point in getting gifts for a baby that won't remember anything anyway. He told us to just pick out a bunch of toys or stuff we need for her that doesn't exceed the amount he wants to spend on her and he'd buy them. He'll like it more when he can ask her what she wants.

I like to give gifts to the adults in my family as well, but I hate the guessing game. I ask family to just tell me what they want so I know they'll like what I get them, and if they want a surprise they normally just tell me vague things like "baking stuff".

Everyone is different.