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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be marginally put off applying for jobs when the advert says things like this?

67 replies

sunflower49 · 30/11/2014 15:12

'Regular team nights out!'
'We are a friendly team and often end the day over a drink, close to X restaurant X bar etc'
'Social life perks!'
'Regular team outings/trips away' etc?

I'm looking for a job. I don't want to feel pressured into also making it my social life? I've seen such as the above several times in my search.

I understand that sometimes It's great to be friendly with colleagues and sometimes after a long day It's really nice if the boss says 'Right, we all deserve a drink', but does it need to be in the job spec as a 'perk'?

I have my own friends who I like to socialise with. I also don't often feel like going out and even more rarely feel like doing such after work, I have commitments and, usually after a full day's work I just want to go home!

I will say it doesn't make me not apply for a job I really fancy. It just makes me a bit more wary of applying.

And, I could be being unreasonable due to past experience, my last work place was very 'cliquey' and anybody who didn't choose to socialise with the rest of their colleagues after work, or turn up to every organised 'do' was somewhat ostracised.

I am only applying for graduate positions so perhaps they're looking for people much younger than me, having said this I felt the exact same way when I was younger.

AIBU?Or old fashioned?Or a miserable git?

OP posts:

GokTwo · 30/11/2014 22:58

Yes, I agree. I actually adore my work and my colleagues and consider them friends but I don't see that many of them outside of work because I like to spend time with my family (DW works away all week).

Viviennemary · 30/11/2014 23:05

A lot of things would put me off a job but not the socialing. They just sound friendly people. Things that put me off would be hectic, deadlines, pressure. No thanks!

LittleBearPad · 30/11/2014 23:12

The wording in the advert in your OP would put me off completely. It sounds hellish and from a diversity point of view its a disaster.

Original poster

sunflower49 · 30/11/2014 23:19

Decaff my last position was both!Otherwise, if I hadn't have had that experience I might have agreed. That's why I posted the thread really. Thinking my past experiences are clouding my judgment.

OP posts:

mimishimmi · 01/12/2014 00:12

YANBU. My DH applied to a place like that and now we've had a couple of fights about him coming home late reeking of alcohol. The last one was a couple of weeks ago and he didn't even message/call me to let me know he'd be home late - when I rang at 11:30pm to ask him where the hell he was, he was still at the venue. This was on a weeknight ... I didn't get to sleep until 2am.

Chesntoots · 01/12/2014 08:38

I used to be a team leader in a large company. I was once told by my manager that if they had a question or query they would come to me as I knew the job inside out. She then went on to say that despite this the "big boss" was wondering whether I was right for the job because I didn't socialise most evenings and didn't hang round the smoking shed with them. She felt she didn't know me enough.

I refuse to be pressured into something that I didnt want to do or pretend to find her the most amazing person on the planet. In the end I moved departments.

Sometimes I socialise with the people I work with now, sometimes I don't. That job advert would probably put me off...(old grump that I am!)

Original poster

sunflower49 · 02/12/2014 02:04

mimish What does your DH say about that?Is he being pressured into these nights out? I think the not sending you messages is a wrongdoing on his part, though rather than down to the company!But, he could definitely be being pressured into 'fitting in' if some examples on this thread are to be gone by.

chest that's how I feel. Like a grump because y'know, I'm not saying I won't like or get on with people nor saying that I won't sometimes finish work and be in the mood to go for a drink (IF It's convenient!). But I am put off by it being used as a method of selling the company. I don't know-'Tis a minefield as I said upthread. Of course I wouldn't want to work somewhere where everybody was very UNfriendly, either.

OP posts:

MrsMarcJacobs · 02/12/2014 02:09

That's code for we're not giving you any real benefits.

mofro · 02/12/2014 03:26

Im thr mummy who doesnt party too!! Mainly very young people at our workplace and i know im missing out on friendlylier relationships because i dont go to the pub every friday. But i go to work to work not make best friends. I have a great time and really like the guys I work with but not enough to go out every week!! They are great with me being a mum though, take my kids in if i need to etc.

hackmum · 02/12/2014 09:02

I wonder if the ad is a way of getting round the fact that it's now illegal to say they want young people? So it will put older people off applying (not to mention people with tiresome caring responsibilities). That's the cynical view. The generous view is that they are really into all this team socialising thing. An absolute nightmare for introverts.

Fallingovercliffs · 02/12/2014 10:47

I agree with other posters - it sounds like a working environment more suited to young, energetic, responsibility free people, prepared to invest a huge amount of their personal time in furthering their career.

Nothing wrong with a bit of socialising amongst colleagues (and I find people who turn their noses up at the very idea of going for an occasional drink with colleagues a bit daft). But compulsory drinks every Friday, constant work outings, little time to spend with outside friends or family would be my idea of hell. It's also unhealthy and unbalanced.

I'd steer clear.

OfaFrenchMind · 02/12/2014 13:32

Neither YABU or YANBU. They are doing exactly their job in signaling that their job offer is aimed at "work hard play hard" people. There is no point for them to waste time interviewing people that do not fit with their culture. Too bad mums, dads, and non-drinkers cannot join, but if they are in a kind of work that require high level of team work, and team bonding, they should hire like minded people. Diversity is not always the best thing for a team (not race or sex, but temperament), and they do not owe you anything regarding their team spirit. Either fit in or get out.
There are plenty of other opportunities of work not to get stuck on one ad. You are competent and qualified, you will find something for you.
Forget about this, it does not fit you, and move along to the next.

TheChandler · 02/12/2014 13:41

Of those, its only the second one that would make me feel a bit uncomfortable. I'd hate to feel obliged to spend my remaining free time in the pub with people I'd spent all day working with.

The other things sound optional and potentially quite useful if you're moving to a new town because of work.

My favourite job advert was one which specified a bilingual law graduate with relevant work experience and the ability to do frequent weekend working on top of Monday-Friday, for £18,000 pa.

Original poster

sunflower49 · 02/12/2014 15:13

Thanks, It's very interesting to get these opinions.

Chandler

I worked at a place that had (not external but internal) adverts for 'free overtime'. Which basically meant, you can work without being paid. The attraction of this was apparently if you put in more hours you will deal with more calls/paper work and may get more commision leads as a result. Of course, this was all 'may', no guarantee. I was astounded that people actually did it. I guess I'm naive to certain circumstances.

OP posts:

manchestermummy · 02/12/2014 15:47

YANBU it would put me off too.

I have only been on one Christmas do in the six years I've been at my current place because I can't get public transport to and from where I work and it's £40 a head including half a bottle of wine.

I found out today that the 'compulsory' away day we're meant to be having early next year may not actually be compulsory. I could cry with relief.

I'm not anti-social as such but given that I'm pretty sure a lot of my colleagues actively dislike me I refuse to spend any of my own time with any of them.

KnittingChristmasJumpers · 02/12/2014 16:10

I initially thought I must have worked at the same place as GraysAnalogy a few years ago but then reading through the thread it looks like there are a lot of people who have worked in dodgy places and they can't all have been for the same company!

But no OP - YANBU, I think they're very much looking for a "type" of person that can be easily influenced, give their all for very little in return and basically have no outside commitments to work.

Oh and just in case - anyone here worked for a recruitment company that makes you remember the 80:20 rule?

jay55 · 02/12/2014 16:57

The young grads I know are all broke and would feel quite worried at the expectation to go out often.

I'd be put off too, even though I don't have family commitments in the week.

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