Is it my fault that I can't afford to have a child??????

[mikam342]

I'm 36 years old and have not yet had any children though i would really like to I know my time is running out if it hasn’t already.
I earn more than my husband. I pay the mortgage, buy all the food and pay all the bills (my husband contributes a bit). Because the financial running of the house falls on me I don't have much savings.

I first asked my husband about four years ago to try and get some extra work or take on some commissions he could do from home so that he could save some money so that if I did become pregnant he could help pay the mortgage and bills while I’m on maternity. He still hasn’t done anything yet even though I ask him too regularly he always has an excuse for why he hasn’t yet. I'm really angry with him because I feel I can't become pregnant as maternity pay won’t cover my bills let alone my mortgage and currently he couldn’t afford to. Am I right to be mad!! Or is it my fault? Surly as my husband he should try to do everything he can to make it easier for me to have a baby. I feel really let down by him and its starting to affect our relationship. At this point I'm even considering divorcing him.

The way it stands at the moment if I did become pregnant I would only be able to take 4 - 6 weeks off maximum. I worry that if I do this I might not bond with my baby properly is this a legitimate concern or am I being silly?
Any advice or feedback would be appreciated.

Thanks

Before marriage I told dh that should we have children I wanted to stay at home with them at least until they went to school ft. I told him I wasn't interested in working whilst children were very young, so there would be no surprises number one and number two that if dh wanted to have kids but didn't agree to this, I told him I wasn't having any. I put this all out before marriage so dh could decide if this is what he wanted, and if not, that he could look for someone else.

He agreed, as this was the way we were both brought up, and he makes a good living. I also got married later (36) and dh was 8 years younger than I was, so I had worked and saved for 17 years Plus brought a 250K inheritance And my own house into the marriage.

So yes, I think yabu, though I do feel for you. I had planned this much as the same time that you could have OP. In short, you knew what it was going to be like when you got into the relationship, just as I did. I don't mean to be unkind, and I do feel for you.

I agree with maggiethemagpie, we did this.

Would this be a solution for you OP?

From very early on DH's salary has been a lot less than mine. I had gone back to work after 6 weeks when DD1 was born then after 3 months when DC2 was born. When we had DCs 1 & 2 we struggled on with DCs going to childminder and nursery.

When DC3 arrived we saw the light and DH stopped work. Cue a huge reduction in day to day stress as I went back to work and left DH in charge of the household.

It worked for us. DCs are now 19, 16 and 14. If I we had our time again we would do the same.

Oh for goodness sake. You have 6 years tops to have a child without interventions. If you are lucky. Get pregnant and let the rest sort itself out. people have babies in much worse situations. If you were living in a war zone I'd say consider it, UK ? Have a baby. it'll be the best thing you ever do.

Haven't read the whole thread, but you do sound a bit controlling OP. It seems to be all about you and what you want. Does he get a say? I think you need to sit down and talk about what you BOTH want and then work from there.

Actually a hand full of my friends had fertility issues early 30's. Get a move on OP

If a childless woman lived with a man, and she had a job, and the man paid all the mortgage, bills and food, I would say she was a freeloader. I don't earn a lot, but I still have to pay my rents and bills. If I lived with someone I would expect these things to be shared. If this man is barely contributing to basic living, I would say op has bigger problems in her relationship than she seems to think.

It sounds like hes got a little too comfy in his lifestyle, you pay for everything and he does very little, if you had a baby, he might to actually do something.