To not threaten 5yo DS with the police?

[RedButtonhole]

And how else can I get through to him?

He occassinaly brings things home from school that don't belong to him. Silly things- today it was a mini stack of post-its, before that it was a small digital timer. He doesn't try
to hide it from me at all, I remove the item and make sure he returns it to it's rightful owner (teacher). I make sure to tell him that stealing is wrong, it's not nice to take things that are not our own without asking etc etc. that i upsets people/makes them sad but I don't seem to be getting through. I try not to get shouty or cross because I feel he would be very secretive with me then, I'd rather be in the loop.
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I don't like to threaten him with "the policeman will come and take you to jail" because:

1. I think children should be happy and comfortable with the police, not teeri

My DS used to bring a small plastic action figure to school with him in his backpack. It was something he had found while digging in the garden and cleaned off very thoroughly for many hours with an old toothbrush. This item went to school with him for two years. Definitely a security thing.

Yes with DS it doesn't really have to be a particular object, just what ever is flavour of the moment at the time.

Usually he sneaks a small car or an octonaut figure in with him, but he has come home having gone to school with random objects like lip balms or a calculator that I think he lifted from the car because he hadn't remembered to bring a toy. I definitely think it's a security thing now that I've thought about how it might work the other way too. I'll see his teacher at pick up tomorrow and hopefully we can have a talk about what to do and she can have a word with DS about not taking anything home from the classroom without asking first.

You could ask him to ask you first before taking anything from the car. Or if there is is special thing he would like to keep in a pocket of his bag, maybe it could live there permanently. DS loved the idea of his little action figure there hanging on the peg with his bag. I think he imagined it would spring into action if the teacher ever got too stroppy .

Thanks math, I think once I have spoken to his teacher and heard her thoughts, I might get "Santa" to leave him a wee present that can live in his bag, maybe something that clips on, or I might let him choose something.

I'll also be encouraging him to ask me before he takes anything from home for school in the meantime- he normally mentions it but hopefully getting him to ask will reinforce the need to do that at other times before taking

Asking him to run things by you before he takes them to school is a great idea and encouraging him to do the same with school things too would help. Then the teacher could either know what he has or support him in choosing to leave it in its 'home' at school.

DS2 once took his camera to school (Year R) and filmed his teacher as she struggled to control the children on the carpet. She never knew but I saw that film when I downloaded his camera and worked out what he'd done. Not something that should have happened. Between us the teacher and I should have been aware of the camera before the filming but I'm not sure how.

Encouraging them to talk with those who care for them at home and school is vital given that frisking them is a bit OTT.

Well this morning he came downstairs with two plastic soldiers in his hand and asked me if it was ok to take them to school. I gave him lots of praise for asking first and I've told him that he has to ask the teacher if he wants to bring anything home as well. Teacher is aware of the situation and has said she will use his reward chart ar school when he asks but also discourage him from taking anything home so that he gets out of the habit. If that doesn't work we're going to try having a specific "to and from" object and a "home" for it.

He is quite an open little boy and doesn't lie so I think this will be more effective and allow him to learn rather than punishment which I think would just make him more determined to hide things, does that make sense or am I being too soft?

Homebird at the camera thing, it just shows how easily things can slip under the radar

I was so embarrassed at the camera incident that when I found out I kept it to myself. I can't imagine how that poor teacher would have felt if she'd known. She was a bit inept but was obviously having a particularly difficult time that session so it wouldn't have been fair to use DS2's espionage to make a point.

I think your home / school strategy sound like a workable solution and he'll gradually grow out of it.