Young mum: Confused and need pratical help

[Unclearpath]

Im deeply ashamed about how I feel, so i've nc. I just need to say I in no way regret my daughter, I just feel very sad that i'm wondering if I've done it wrong.

My Dh and I have one child together, who is due to go to school next year. I am 23 ( we've been together since I was early teens) and have enjoyed every single second of being a mum. Total bliss for the first few years and this particular issue never crossed my mind. Now we've been desperate for another baby for a long time and have suffered 2mc. I am praying next year is our year at last. It will be our last baby. First babe very much planned and wanted, we hoped for a close age gap. We have our reasons for starting our family young, which are certainly still valid now.

I had a horrible, abusive childhood. I was a total mess during my school years and lost the plot. As such I left school with just 4 GCSE's. Only two are passable grades of C. I'm embarressed about this.
I went on to self fund two certificates (distance learning) in subjects I really enjoy and have worked in the related field since I began working. My job suits family life perfectly right now, but I don't believe it is a sustainable Job long term and am keen to open up my options. Right now I don't believe I have many at all. Im so sorry to be vague, my details would be very identifiable.

Anyways. Im stuck. Im desperate to get some solid, career defining qualifications behind me but am worried that A- I know that I would find it a struggle, that I am not really very smart- or not anymore anyways, I struggle to hold information and learn since having my dd

and B) the idea of "starting again" makes me feel like a failure. Like a teen mum who is worth nothing and just got knocked up. I know this isnt true, my husband and I have a solid relationship, beautiful home, our dd is lovely and we work very hard. I know I have a lot to be proud of, but eductaion and career wise, I feel a failure. But I also know that I am young and If i start now I'll be somewhere decent before I'm 30. I also want to be a good role model to my child(ren).

So here's the thing. I could skip redoing my GCSe's, doing A levels etc and get a higher qual related to my current field of work (lost of options to study without entry requirments, but I'd need to adjust some work things to qualify) .. but it'll never be a high earning career, theres no progression, I would just qualify for more roles where the requirments for the role are higher than my current. Its more like side stepping. Money is lovely but life balance and having another child is important to me.

Or I bite the bullet and start all over and forge myself a respectable career but will have several difficult years ahead of me, trying to juggle studing/training, working, parenting..... etc. I know i'd be so proud of myself if i did. But i'm not sure I truly believe myself capable.

AIBU to think I probably screwed myself when deciding to start a family young? should I accept that my options are truly limited now and adjust my expectations of myself?

and my god, this was so bloody long and I am so sorry to anyone who spent the time reading and thanks in advance to anyone willing to advise me. all round.

Rebecca, I really do not think that at all. I am very aware of how young I am. I think I just feel a bit... Like I don't know where to start rectifying this.. Like I simply do not have the intelligence to complete any form of higher education since I pretty much failed my GCSe's which lets face it, are basics. I don't know how to juggle this and complete my family. I wonder if its truly possible.

Having just re-read my OP, I can't see how I gave off that impression, but I appologise if this is the vibe it gives. Also wish I'd proof read it a bit better, sorry for the typos. Im a bit emotional and tired!

Thank you for all the contributions to this thread- I promise I'm writing them all down now and will be exploring them all futher tomorrow! This is really helpful. I haven't been able to voice these feelings anywhere else aside from boring my husband with my constant waffling! I so appreciate the kind responses.

I had a baby at 16. I'm now 36 and have 2 university degrees ( 1 a masters) and a good well paid job. It's never too late. It is hard juggling childcare, work, shifts etc.

But, it can be done, with the right support & determination.

You are very hard on yourself OP. Your post is well written and you sound sensible.
It sounds like you have lost confidence.
You are likely to be working until your late 60s-time is really on your side. Take some space to think what you would like to do and begin to work on it slowly-at a pace that fits in with family life.
I know loads of people who did access courses etc in their 30s and 40s and started new careers.
You have definitely not screwed yourself by starting a family young.
Some people start off in careers that turn out not to suit them too-starting over is not a sign of failure.

Oh and I had d-g grade gcses. I started with an access course & went from there.

Pippin, what a success you are. Wow. Incredible!

.. I definitly lack confidence. I'm not sure how to fix that either tbh. The only thing I'm remotely confident in is raising my little one. Although now she's getting a little older the fear of her becoming completly unruly teen is shaking me to my very core! haha.

I came out of school with 1 gcse (not in maths or English) at age 19 I retook my Maths and English and now at 25 I'm doing an access course in nursing. If I can do it, anyone can. At least try.

I'm 30, have 6 yr old dd and 22month old ds, was a drifter also, had a couple of jobs since having dd, but went back to being sahm when we had ds. I'm now self employed, in my first year, doing well so far and enjoying it. A friend who I know through our dd's school is 26 and currently studying teaching at uni whilst working part time. You'll be fine! Find out what interests you and what opportunities are available locally. Best of luck to you!

www.accesstohe.ac.uk/Pages/Default.aspx?carouseltab=3

U can do access courses via distance learning or evening classes

Cousin did one. Went on to do degree and now phd. Very similar background to yourself but had her daughter younger with a rubbish husband. Left school with nothing

You sound lovely, you should really stop putting yourself down and get it out of your head that you are not academically clever because you didn't do well in your GSCEs. That was years ago and you had different issues to contend with. I bet you would find it much easier this time around, when you are motivated to do well. And there are plenty of mature students out there, you'll be a baby amongst them. Just go for it and make it happen!

What field are you in now?

What have you thought about studying at ou? Why and what career do you envisage?

What would be your dream industry/job?

My thought on doing Gcse/a levels again - or indeed looking at nvqs or other training - studying is a skill and work in - for example a levels is all geared towards going to uni - not only do you learn in depth about the subject you learn how to study that subject - eg research, how to approach problems, how to pose questions and a discipline around your studies. At degree level comes from you - you have more autonomy. With ou this is more so. So even if it is an access course and if you lack either English or maths gcse get that under you belt.

I would maybe do 2 gcse's one year and another 2 the next (unless you could fit more round your work) so then you have 6 gcse and maybe the next year do an a level and an access course?

By this point you will have more experience of these subjects and then choose where you want to go - you might find a subject you have figured your plans around isn't for you, another subject may have caught your eye. You haven't invested to follow one path to find out you don't want that and you get to ease yourself back in to learning - learning is v tiring and works a different part of your brain - you need to train it so this will be positive and gives you the basic requirements of lots of courses and jobs.

Do your a level in the course that both leads where you want to go and you enjoy. If you want to go to uni talk to the uni about your current qualifications and what they would need to see. Once you know your chosen field read everything about it - research it, absorb it - more knowledge will only stand you in good stead for a greater level of self led study and the access course is geared to mature students.

Research benefits and bursaries and some industries offer funding etc.

Nothing to be embarrassed about. I have a family member who had a kid at 15, was into drugs, and went through a string of abusive boyfriends. She turned her life around at about 30 and it doing very well for herself in a respectable career.

23 is still so young. I went to college with people older than that.

You cannot change the past

first stop beating yourself up. so far, you haven't had your education/career progression - you did other things instead. that's ok.

i got my gces but was courting not studying and failed my a levels. when I was 24 and married, I had a baby. wonderful. nothing better. when she was four I started a part time course at uni. when she was six I went full time. when she was 11, I started teaching, and did 20 years at that. my ex mil did something similar, starting her career when her youngest was 12, taking vocational qualifications and ending up the highest paid woman in her local authority.

physiologically its much better to have your children young-ish, and some societies are set up for it. ours isn't. but you can do it your way.

at 23, you're still very young.

physiologically that might be the word I mean...

I currently work in early years.

I secretly would love to be a chiropractor. But worry I'd miss the small people too much. And the nearest uni who offer it is 2 hr trip and I'm not sure if it's feasible with (hopefully) two children.

I thought about pead nursing but after recently caring for a very sick child with complex health issues it absolutely broke my heart and I don't believe I'm emotionally capable to do it now.

DH has taken lo out so I can spend some time going over the options. Going g to start looking into the suggestions made so far. Thank you.

Im going to college ( im in USA ) starting in January. Ill be 50 in june. My mother graduated university ( in Edinburgh ) in her very late 30's She had 4 teenage kids at that point. She had my brother at 21. Its NEVER too late.

Good luck :o

My mother was made to leave school after O Levels and train to become a secretary. In her forties she went back to night-school to do a law degree and now runs a very successful practice. I was an unruly teen ( ) doing GCSEs whilst my mother was studying and she also had a full time job.

Seeing her determined to make up for lost time and push herself was inspiring. When I reached my mid-twenties and felt I'd wasted my time at university and had career doubts, she encouraged me to study part time (whilst working full time) for an MSc.

From your clearly written posts I can only think that you will similarly inspire your dc, you just need to work out the practical aspects of studying. Once you start studying your confidence will improve.

Have you thought about osteopathy or physiotherapy? If the course you want isn't local, is there anything similar you'd like to do?

I'm a university admissions tutor and I LOVE applicants like you. Sine of my best students have come to interview after doing an access course, feeling a bit 'second class' because they're older and didn't excel in A Levels. Some have come from very difficult places.

They are excellent because: they've thought hard about what they're doing; they've achieved against odds; and they have the resilience and skills to manage a degree course alongside their lives.

You have potential, but you need to believe that it's possible. Do talk to your FE College about Access courses. You're already a wonderful role model to your child. Please feel free to PM me if you want to think about your options further.

My experience as a young parent and mature student is in agreement with callamia. I got on to a course with non-standard qualifications as a mature student, and admissions tutors are always interested in hearing about your background and the skills you can bring from being a parent.

I am about to finish a BA and I'm planning to follow that with an MA next year. My advice would be to make sure you're studying something you love not just something that will lead to a job. My study area doesn't have a reputation for high salaries but it's something I'm passionate about so I've done incredibly well and I'm confident about finding employment afterwards as I've received some job offers already. Lots of my friends who have taken more vocational routes have found work at the end of it but are looking to retrain again as the work just doesn't inspire them.

You have the drive to do it and that is the most important thing.

I'm retraining at the moment at uni. Out of my cohort of 20 who started almost all were mature students. Half of us have children. Some are around your age, others are in their 40s. Some have previous degrees, others A-Levels, some did the access course as it was too long since their previous study and others did access because they didn't have the GCSEs or A-Levels needed. It doesn't matter how old you are, how many children you have, what GCSEs you did or didn't do.

Careers and the order in which to do things is so much more flexible now than it used to be. People change career all the time rather than keep a job for life. What's the point of doing a whole load of qualifications straight from school if you don't know what you want to do with your life? You've had a child, are raising a family, have grown as an adult and realised what you want from life? What better example could your child need?

Don't be afraid to reach for what you want. What's the worst that could happen? You can't lose anything by trying. E-mail or ring the admissions department for courses you are interested in, they are usually more than happy to help you sort out what you need to get in. Access to education courses are good too because although the course can be intense it gets you what you need, can be focused on the areas you need and they help you with university applications. A friend who went through the access is actually going back in to college this year to help do mock interviews to prepare the students for their uni interviews!

If you find there is a delay until next autumn before you can start , say, an Access course, maybe a level 2 maths course (GCSE equivalent) would be worthwhile. Whatever you eventually do it is handy to have that on your cv and you may find it is required within your new course anyway.

Hey all. So I've been having a look about, and have found a few courses that seem suitable, I also looked at the maths gcse's. I can study on an evening for free at my local college to obtain a maths gcse, but I've missed the sept intake. They start again next sept, but here's the thing: the dr should be giving us the OK to try again in feb/March. If we fall immediately or even any time that means I'm due mid or toward the end of the course, it screws it.

It seems I could pay to distance learn the gcse's, but as I struggle with math I think a classroom based approach is going to be best.

I wish all courses didn't just run sept - July. I wish I'd started sept just gone. So annoyed with myself.

I'm thinking of a dip HE in health sciences. It's give me 240ucas pt and has no entry requirements. I could do the 1 evening pw math course as soon as feasible and be working towards the dipHE at home via OU while I have 2nd babe. I'd need to top up to 320 pts to qualify for the chiro degree but if I spend the next 4 years getting my gcse's in order and the higher diploma I'd be ready to go once 2nd baby was possible around school age. . . If I finished and decided not to take up the chiropractic route I think the health sciences will open up other routes such as physiotherapy or occupational therapy, which I could possibly specialise in paediatric right?