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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About people being early...

70 replies

Tutteredboast · 28/11/2014 21:03

Have a relative calling later who I know will be early. It's fine today as I am anticipating it and have time, so will be ready, but it got me thinking.
Why are some people always early? I don't mean for a doctors appt, or a job interview, which is fine. I mean calling round socially.
DM is always early and can be sniffy if I'm not ready. It always makes me stressed.
Anyone else have this? Or are you an early person?

OP posts:
MangoBiscuit · 28/11/2014 22:06

When people are invited over to ours, I always figure "on time" as +/- 15 minutes on whatever was agreed. Up to half an hour early I won't be annoyed, but might not be ready. An hour and a half early would piss me right off though. Very rude. How dare someone assume that there time is more valuable, or that their wishes trump mine, when it's MY home, and we already had an agreement.

CalicoBlue · 28/11/2014 22:07

Once Dh and I arrived at inlaws, they made such a fuss about us being late. It It was only 20 mins. They were going on about having to go out into the street to look for us. Thought that they were making a big fuss about nothing and told them so.

Later in the day we realised that they had not turned to clocks back, and thought we were nearly an hour and a half late.

alemci · 28/11/2014 22:11

I agree Balcony I must admit I texted my in laws stating what time to come as we were having a big family party, they were only 10 mins earlySmile

BaffledSomeMore · 28/11/2014 22:14

Memphis we used to have that situation exactly. FIL being asked not to arrive until 9am on a Sunday and then having him make snide remarks about people spending half the day in bed.

Memphisbelly · 28/11/2014 22:22

Baffledsomemore blimey I think we may be related Grin I drew a line under it when he wanted to bring his loud motorbike at 8am on a Sunday 'as the neighbours shouldn't be so lazy' Shock

Alicebannedit · 28/11/2014 22:23

Being early is incredibly rude! It has so much potential to inconvenience people. This!

Especially if you live alone and there's no one else to open the door.

Years ago I believe 'etiquette' considered being ten minutes late to the time invited was about right.....

RedButtonhole · 28/11/2014 22:31

I can't abide people showing up to my house early. I'm guilty of being a bit last- minute about getting ready, but turning up at the door 45 minutes early, forcing me to get out of the shower to answer it is fucking annoying.

It's bloody rude to assume that just because you have an hour to kill that the other person does as well.

stardusty5 · 28/11/2014 22:35

I would agree with Alice. When goinn to someone's house, i tend to go for around 5 or so mins after the time agreed just in case theyre running late. I'd then see that as being within the time they had allocated me in their day iyswim. Arriving early is outside my allotted time and v rude!

I'd always wait in the car rather than drop in on someone unexpectedly

Boysandme · 28/11/2014 22:37

I agree. I would rather someone was on time but if not I prefer five mins late than five mins early if coming to my house.

If meeting in a public place, turn up as early as you want as I won't know!

As another poster says it's pretty rude to assume someone else can also spare the unplanned early hour or however long.

For those who say they suffer from anxiety, be early but wait round the corner if you have to. Don't turn up more than ten minutes early, you have arranged a time, who are you to undertone that mutual arrangement? Are your feelings more important than your friends? Harsh I know, but is that not fair?

BaffledSomeMore · 28/11/2014 22:39

Memphis if he'd had a motorbike then at least we'd have had something to talk about. Instead we had time lapse pictures of vegetables growing.

DomiKatetrix · 28/11/2014 22:42

I'm a 'late' person. So nobody has any worry of me turning up early!
In college, for an hours journey, I'd leave half an hour before my starting time but didn't count myself as late until my starting time had passed. I could be half an hour away but if it's 8.55am, I still have five minutes before I'm officially late Confused

ohtheholidays · 29/11/2014 12:02

All of my family are awful when you invite them to a party were holding they'll turn up between 30-45 minutes early Hmm. We have 5DC,two of our children are disabled and I'm now disabled as well.They know all this and all of them have children or have had children so they know how busy were going to be,yet every time they do it.

So now I tell them later than we'll be ready for so that way they're on time Grin

alemci · 29/11/2014 12:16

good idea oh. Do they help with your dc when they arrive or are they more of a hindrance. My inlaws are helpful but it is the incessant chatter that does my head in etc.

MokunMokun · 29/11/2014 12:26

My PIL will be about an hour early. If SIL is with them, they will be 2 hours late. I'm used to it now so just adjust the time.

When DH and I were first dating MIL arranged dinner. I was 20 minutes late due to the train being delayed and gave them a ring to let them know. When I arrived, they had eaten without me and a cold bowl of spicy pasta was pushed my way even though I am allergic to chilies.

I never forget that and I find it ironic how we are to tolerate SIL and her husband being so late. But yes, PIL extreme earliness used to drive me crazy until I learnt to adjust the time. I find them all rude.

Jill2015 · 29/11/2014 12:34

I'm always early for appointments, events etc.
It's a source of anxiety to me, to be late.
Visiting someone, and arriving way too early would be a no no, for me. I will be there at the time I was invited for.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 29/11/2014 12:36

How early do you mean OP? Up to ten minutes is fine, surely.

AlwaysLurking38 · 29/11/2014 12:45

My friend is always early! Winds me right up! We always arrange for her to come to mine at 1pm on a Wednesday. And she always turns up at 12:30!! Winds me right up!

But, then again, I'm always late. If we arrange to meet at hers for say 1:30, I won't get there till about 1:45/1:50. I always mean to be on time, rarely am though

So I suppose my lateness winds her up as much as her earliness does me Grin

Mammanat222 · 29/11/2014 12:54

Another punctual person here.

I can't abide lateness.

I have a friend who is always late, so much so that if its just the two of us meeting I turn up half an hour after the arranged time and she is often still not there.

My direct manager is also a terrible time keeper. She is late daily but she does often end up doing lots of unpaid overtime. However she is always late for meetings (internal / conference calls - she doesn't do many client meetings these days - I wonder why?) and she is always late for appointments Drs / dentists / opticians / hairdressers

I've actually heard her on the phone arguing with her dentist as they wanted to charge her because she actually forgot to go to 2 appointments in a row... she was trying to tell the dentist that they should have sent her text reminders. Her physio has refused to see her due to her lateness before.

I am the complete opposite and it drives me bonkers that manager is so entitled she thinks the world waits for her.

Poolomoomon · 29/11/2014 15:49

I think being early can be as rude as being late.

I hate it, for example, when a food delivery comes early. I've had this happen three times. I'm expecting it between, say, 8.30 and 9.30 and they turn up at 8.10. I've not been ready for them in the past and felt all flustered rushing around trying to make myself look half decent and find the damn keys... Also annoying when people turn up early, yes. It's just rude. There might be a reason why you NEED them not to come until a certain time, don't they think about that?!

It's acceptable, like you say, turning up to a doctors appointment early aside from the fact you'll have to wait around for even bloody longer... But not a social occasion where there's a set time. I'd wait outside in the car if I was more than 5 minutes early tbh.

My mums an early person. She used to rush us out of the house for any appointment to make sure we got there AT LEAST ten minutes early. Annoying.

listsandbudgets · 29/11/2014 17:48

I hate lateness so always aim to arrive on time. I use public transport. I am rarely late because i work on the assumption that I need to aim to be early then I'll be on time.

However on occasion the bus actually turns up on time and I'm early. As long as its not pouring with rain I always try to wait until the expected time. If however the weather is vile and I know I'm running early I phone ahead, explain the bus was on a time / early and would it be alright if I turned up 10-15 minutes before I'm expected. If its not I huddle in doorway Grin

ohtheholidays · 30/11/2014 10:44

alemci,no they don't help.They expect me and everyone else and everything else to be ready no matter how early they turn up.

It's not only our family either.Halloween we had a massive party for the children,lots of older children invited.One turned up an hour early Shock I was just getting the younger children and myself changed and ready.

alemci · 30/11/2014 11:14

oh that is really mean. my inlaws are irritating but they are very helpful and will always lend a hand.

When they arrive perhaps you should make a joke about it and say something about them being early, you are not ready, would they mind doing xyz to help.

did you say you had a disability and if so that makes it even worse for them not to help imo.

BiscuitsAreMyDownfall · 30/11/2014 11:26

Im another who has to arrive 10 mins early or I feel late.

I did once turn up to a friends house an hour early, but that was a mix up of times on my part. I really didn't mean to be that early, but instead of arriving at 11 I turned up at 9:50 (thinking it was 10, but having to be that 10 mins early)

Shockers · 30/11/2014 11:29

My mother is always late. She doesn't set off for anywhere until it's almost the time agreed to get there (the distance doesn't make a difference either), so she can be hours late.
I found timekeeping hard as a child/younger adult because of this. Then somebody said to me that being late suggests to the person you're meeting that you think your time is more important than theirs. Now I try really hard to have 5 minutes spare whenever I'm meeting someone.

But... if somebody arrived at my house an hour early, I'd presume they thought I had nothing else to do with my time but entertain them. That would irritate me when I'd already taken the trouble to invite them and specify a time.

Shockers · 30/11/2014 11:30

That wasn't aimed at you biscuits! Yours was a mistake!