To ask dd's friend to help wash up?

[MistletoeBUTNOwine]

DD has a friend round, dd is 9 friend is 10.
WIBU to ask friend to help dd wash up after tea?

i dont think yabu but when i was a kid my parents encouraged we offer to help clean up at other peoples houses

No. You don't invite people to your home and then give them jobs to do. As a pp said, you wouldn't ask an adult so don't ask a child.

For people who wouldn't ask a kid to do this, what about asking them to help tidying a room at the end of a 'playdate'? I always ask kids to help out, and I'd expect my kids to muck in too. It's funny, but the kids who moan and gripe about helping out tend to be the ones who don't get invited back in a hurry…

And I wouldn't ask an adult guest to help in the kitchen after a meal, but most of my friends immediately pick up a tea towel or something after lunch/dinner. Perhaps this is strange?

snow I would ask my kids to tidy and hope the friend joined in, I wouldn't insist unless they visited a lot or I was looking after them iycwim

Ah. I'm much more bossy than that! And so are all the friend's houses my kids go to.
Perhaps it's because most of the kids who come here tend to come here quite a lot, so aren't very 'guesty'. I do then praise the child for tidying, and also tell their parents that they were helpful (if they actually were) which seems to make them glow with pride...

You have a point there snow I would probably let them have more friends round if there wasn't the mess after! It was like trying to sweep up after an earthquake with a dust pan and brush after the last visit from a certain friend! Took ages!

I think on a special occasion, like a birthday party, it would be good to be excused chores. Otherwise, i think its a good thing to see that there are things that need to get done and that everyone joins in to get them sorted. I would give lots of praise and only v v gentle correct them if about to do something dangerous, like pick up a knife by the blade.

Other than that, it's a good opportunity to get to know them a bit better and for them to get to know you. Some of the best conversations ever were had as children when doing something together.

Yeah. I feel your pain.
I think it was only after seeing my own kids being asked pretty firmly by other parents that it was expected they clean up all the plastic tubs vomiting out millions of Barbie shoes/Lego that I suddenly thought "Why the hell am I doing this myself?" Two little pairs of hands and my bigger pair (and sometimes even the other parent) helping together means that it doesn't feel like cleaning up after armageddon after playing.

I guess that attitude has infected my feeling about getting kids to help out at the table as well...

Well they have to do it at nursery and school I suppose. Think I will start getting my kids to help more in general mine are 5 and 11 so more than capable!

Well, they have to help clear the table and just before the play date ends I say " 10 minutes to go! Tidy up time" which dc asked me to do as their friends make a mess and leave them to it when they leave. I did this with toddlers too. I'm not running a cafe/ playcentre.

Only one boy won't come now, apparently tiding up is a woman's job and helped clear the chaos he made - throwing toys about ( he is 6) Ds wasn't impressed either:)

Lois - it's amazing how suddenly they become enfeebled the moment you do ask them to do something, isn't it? Stuff that they are perfectly capable of doing at school.

I mean, my daughter can skateboard really well, play football etc all day long, but suddenly has an immediate loss of energy when I ask her to help strip the bed.

I remember doing that with my mum actually Karma is biting me on the ass now!

If she's there a lot then she slides into being less of a visitor and more of a permanent fixture. So don't ask her if she's a visitor, do ask her if she's a fixture.

I don't think it's unreasonable to ask and I don't think it's unreasonable not to ask

I'd ask visitors to help clear the table but would probably not ask them to wash up. However, I would ask insist on them to pitch in clearing up,any toys or mess though. Its never crossed my mind that that would be unreasonable. I've never got the impression that any of the kids minded. Im have always been a welcoming host to my kids friends but I'd draw the line at clearing up after them.

Omg! that a child should be expected to help tidy up after a meal! .

Alert Social Services!

All my boys, friends bring their plates to the kitchen when their finished eating...
Have never had to ask them...
perhaps their all well brought up...

For those of you who wouldn't ask an adult guest to help wash and dry after a meal can i ask if that includes long term boyfriends/girlfriends?
my sisters boyfriend constantly goes and sits down to read the paper after a meal leaving the rest of us to dry up and it causes lots of disgruntlement. Now i am wondering if we are all bu?
sorry to hijack! I would in your case op not expect help to wash up but definitely tidying toys away

I wouldnt personally ask, shes a guest

For those of you who wouldn't ask an adult guest to help wash and dry after a meal can i ask if that includes long term boyfriends/girlfriends?

Personally no, but then someone who did that in my house wouldn't be coming back after a couple of instances of failing to pitch in! Anyone who is eating somewhere regularly, maybe once a week or more, should pitch in and help otherwise disgruntlement would be the least of their worries!

I think it's one of those things that you don't mind OFFERING to do but wouldn't want to be specifically asked to, if that makes sense? With my ex we used to go to his mum's most Sundays for dinner and it was standard that I'd chip in even from early days as a 'guest'

My kids usually put their plates and glasses in the dishwasher and the friends follow suit. I don't ask the friends but I do ask my kids. if they have been baking and made a big mess I expect the kids and friends to make an effort to clear it up (although I do muck in.)
I think this is OK - I don't sit down and relax while the child slaves do the work in my dreams though

thanks DoJo thats what we think - and several years later i think we are all more than disgruntled! but to be honest not helping is only part of it but we try to be nice for my sister - i feel thats a whole other friend but i was interested in where the line was between adult guest and part of the family and therefore needs to get off their bum!! :)

Actually thinking about it, we all muck in generally. So i help out and would expect my kids to help out when visiting people. I'd expect kids/adults to help out when visiting me. I'm not into waitress service with people sat in their arses and I couldn't watch a friend slog away on thier own

It wouldn't even cross my mind to ask a guest let alone a 9 year old.