To not like it when my daughter is referred to as a flirt?

[CruCru]

She is 14 months and very friendly, that's all.

LoonvanBoon: " Even non sexual flirting implies a sort of knowingness, a deliberate attempt to charm, that I just don't think can be attributed to naturally friendly, curious babies."

This is absolutely right. I hate the way people attribute quite adult motivations to babies, who are really devoid of deviousness. Babies don't knowingly attempt to charm people, they are just delighted in the world and go round showing their delight by smiling and laughing.

I disagree that the word necessarily has sexual undertones. I frequently refer to the fact that my cat flirts with people. She makes eyes at them, rubs against them, and rolls over in a suggestive way - suggestive of tummy tickles. No one thinks I'm suggesting my cat wants to have sex with them, or vice versa. The same should be obvious when a baby is the subject matter. Children do flirt!! Just in an innocent friendly/ attention seeking way, not in an adult sexualised way. I'm not sure what word would better describe the often comically exaggerated attention seeking face and body language babies and children can use. It's a good word!

See also flirting with an idea etc.

I honestly think if people take it as creepy or offensive it says much more about them than the person who said it. Ie they're restricted by lack of linguistic awareness, or they're oddly quick to see strangers as weirdos.

I think our sexualised culture is also to blame - it has hijacked words and made them one dimensional (to a lot of people) and it because so much discourse is very sexualised it makes it easier for people to assume that something is said in a sexual way.

I very much doubt anyone who is using the word "flirt" about a baby is implying deviousness or sexual connotations . Think that says more about the people who imply that than anyone who says a baby flirts

I hasten to add that saying babies are 'sexy' is fucking vile and weird beyond belief.

However in most cases I'd wager that the people saying it are just rather thoughtless victims of the worst of the media and advertising which promotes sexiness to the point where I wonder if people have kind of absorbed it as just 'a good thing' and part of general attractiveness. Add to this some rather clumsy attempts to maybe be a bit ironic, and/or the idea that it's cute to talk about babies like grown ups (little man etc) ....

x posted Wooxlebear, you said it better than i did

I not crazy about 'flirting' but describing babies as sexy or what that man said to Greyhound. Jesus wept....How wrong is that? I hope he was very swiftly a former family friend....

Thanks for all the supportive comments - the man who told me, when I was a child, that I looked attractive enough to be raped was present during my entire childhood until he died of old age when I was 21.

As a child, he never touched me inappropriately - however, my mum said she had to swerve her head when she greeted him as he would try and kiss her on the lips.

I remember him buying me perfume and jewellery when I was a little girl and he always told me that he wanted to buy me presents that were "appropriate for a very attractive lady".

He made comments about my legs if I wore a slightly short dress (I was 13).

When I grew up, he rather went off me. As an adult, I was serving out some food at supper and, according to him, I wasn't serving the food properly. When I carried on doling out the food, he shouted at me - "Do not object to being corrected!"

I was mortified. He did apologise later, but I was reminded of the fact that, apparently, he used to beat his children with a cane if they did not "behave".

Oh my goodness Greyhound what an inappropriate and vile man.

Thank you C - it's been rather cathartic writing it down.

I remember sunbathing with my aunt and cousin in the garden (I was about 18) and we caught him leering at us through an upstairs window. My aunt shouted PISS OFF! to him until he went away

I had to reread that. At first I read it as 14 years.

No, that's not appropriate for a baby.

DD is friendly and cuddly and she gets called a sweet pea or precious. But I'm also not from UK, so pet names are probably different.

I'd correct people gently with something like "You mean she's charming, she's too young to be flirting."

It is vile, isn't it?

Little girls are NOT behaving in a sexually provocative manner. Anyone who thinks they are is fucking warped!

(OP I was told this about DD1 all the time. Actually she does have boundary issues now she is older - because she has a disability, not because she is a flirt!)

OP or as appropriate!

Flirting = no
Sexy = no

Flirting is something done by adults. Some people are terrible flirts - that's for sure - but the men I know who are shocking flirts only flirt with women (they are straight) and I'm not sure I know any women ones actually but there is definitely an aspect of sexuality to it.

I also think it's grim to attribute the underlying reasons for the give and take of flirting between adults, to children.

I mean, if someone at work says "oh x was flirting with you" it means something to do with adults and sexual behaviour doesn't it. Not necessarily that they were trying to have sex with you, or wanted to, but they were flirting. For those who just thinks it means being friendly, consider whether at work when a female colleague chats animatedly to another for a few mins whether on one walking away you would ever say "Oh she was flirting with you". Well, unless she was, obviously, but YKWIM!