We talked, we screamed, we cried, we hugged, I missed the simplest affectionate touches like holding my hand. We're not back to how we were, and I doubt we will be; things happen and people and views change. One day at a time...
Okay, so he filled in the questionnaire form, and a few week before our 20 week scan he received the application form. He's filled some off it in, but hasn't sent it as he planned to talk to me. He sat 3 exams and sent in those results and received a phone call inviting him to an admission test based off his GMAT score, which he booked for January. He has til May to send it the application, and until June to finish the exams.
He says he had every intention of telling me but wanted to wait until they got back to him, but then things with DS kept cropping up and he didn't know how to tell me and didn't want to burden me with something that wasn't important (when compared to DS), and then things just kept snowballing until he'd dug himself a hole, and he didn't wanted to admit that he got himself into this mess and pride got in the way.
When I asked about the phone from work, he said felt out of control and wanted to get away from everything and pretend that everything was normal, he regrets lying when he could have told me truth there and then and it weighs on his mind - he says he's talked to his therapist about the incident also. He says that's why he's been offering to stay with DS overnight and spending more time with DC as often as possible because he feels guilty and wants to make things right.
I asked about the studying abroad and he said it was wishful thinking on his part, and ticked the box on impulse as a "lets see what happens" but that he never had any intention of studying abroad without talking to me, and he didn't want to leave his kids, but he did admit he would love to study abroad as it has the opportunity of a double degree program, and a chance to explore new opportunities job wise.
He told me that he feels so out of control and the one thing he could always control or understand was his numbers and his career, and he felt that everything was just changing too fast and he needed something to hold on to, something no-one could take from him. Very selfish but I understand.
So. Here's where are now, I haven't forgiven him for the lies because that hurt me a lot, we are to go to a therapist together because I admit I'm not coping well either and I haven't been making an effort to talk to him just left it to his therapist. I want him to talk to me, about what's in his head and I want to be included, I love hearing how about his day at work and I love watching him talk excitedly about all the dreams he has. I haven't seen that since Fee was born. And that's more important than anything else, currently. He has my full support to sit the rest of his exams but he is not to send in the form until we're in a better place and have fully discussed all options.
So yeah, thanks everyone for your input and advice :) Just to note; he and his mum get on but they're not very close, she doesn't agree with some of his life choices and he keeps her in the dark about a lot of things. She's just one of those people who believe, you deal with it and leave emotions til later. I didn't talk to her about my private life, I just mentioned I was pissed off because he had been lying about applying to University and she saw it as a trivial thing.