To store xmas presents in daughters room

[ghostspirit]

my daughters bedroom is down stairs. its what should be the dinning room. every xmas i have the same argument and moaning from her. getting fed up because its simple stuff. xmas things get hid all round the house mainly her room and my room. if its a heavy item more likely her room as i cant get it up the stairs. my sons game table just came its got pics all over the box. so defo needs to be hidden. she put it behind her curtain in her room. where patio doors are. my son will see it there as uses the patio doors to go into garden (back door is broken and cant be opend) anyway she says there is no room under here bed. just had a look theres an empty bin, shoes and an empty suit case so im sure there can be made some room. I know its really petty and stupid but its doing my head in because its simple stuff. struggling to get nice things for the kids make is a nice surprise for them to see their faces on xmas day. and she dont give a toss if the stuff gets seen. because she does not want stuff in her room.

I was thinking about saying to her firmly they are going to be in there weather she likes it or not so she might as well just stop moaning. tell her if she dont like it she can have the box room then the 4 year old can have her room

mrsterry been there done that..

I was a bit of a bratty teen too OP, and as described earlier, had a very similar bedroom set up to your daughter. I assure you, had I had any privacy, the situation would have improved tenfold. If you have the option to swap rooms with her, I'd seriously recommend it. Even if you think of it from a safety POV, it makes sense...if an intruder gets in through your dodgy back door, your DD will be the first to know about it downstairs with all the brand new gifts hidden in there.

YABU, maybe she is fed up of the younger ones taking over her life. I remember previous posts where she babysits the younger ones and there's another one on the way and this could be the final nail in the coffin. She needs privacy and the chance to be a teen not just a big sister.

(I know that sounds far fetched by the way, but I was greeted by an intruder trying to get in my patio doors when I lived with my parents. it's terrifying.)

jolleigh yes i could swap rooms with her but she needs to help me do it that dont just mean moving her stuff it means helping with mine to. im also 19 weeks pregnant i have problems with my hips to the point where i can hardly walk and feel like crying... so i need her to help i cant have her playing the she cant do it shes a china doll act.

daisy we dont need to have the baby sitting convo again thanks. we have been through that. she gets paid for it, she walks the kids home from school.

jolleigh your right i think im going to swap rooms with her. i think she needs to be safer. the dog stays in her room but thats not the point. it would solve alot of the problems as well.

Don't be lifting things at 19 weeks . Give her some options, talk to her like an adult and maybe rope your OH in to help her? Or find an odd-jobs bloke on your local FB selling page? It'd be done in an afternoon.

Schokolade - the issue isn't what the 'hardship' is, it's the fact that it is a lot easier to cope with a hardship if you are making someone else undergo it.

single jolleigh. i can do it with help. i think your body tells you when something is to heavy. i might be able to get dds bf to help. but its also the point that i want her to help just as in playing her part.

Hopefully she'll be a bit less precious when she realises what she's gaining out of it. Do be careful when lifting things though. No sense in doing your back in.

Of course it matters what the "hardship" is. Especially when it really isn't one!

YANBU but I understand why she feels her privacy is being invaded.

Surely your dude can sort out the room swap.. why are you doing it all?

OP you sound incredibly selfish and your desire for more children that you don't seem to have the space or money for is having a big negative impact on your eldest.

To be honest, you sound more like a selfish 17 year old than your DD does.

That's a bit harsh whois!
I might make a different decision but I totally understand why the OP doesn't want to pay for the door repair when it is the responsibility of the landlord AND the council has paid him to do it.
She hasn't got more kids than she has space for - she just doesn't have easily accessible spare space for a bulky (but not necessarily expensive) present.
It sounds (from lack of help moving things) that OP is a lone parent. Perhaps she made the decision to have children when she was living with a partner in a house that didn't have a shitty disgrace for a landlord?

ok whois i will go down clinic and abort now then....

I don't agree with whois comment - it was very unkind.
But I think you are being unreasonable and not particularly nice or respectful to your 17yo.

in what way because she is asked to store a couple of boxes under her bed. and the fact that she will want me to hide the things she buys in my room.

no point in the door convo as that is out of my control. i have said i will try swap rooms if she is willing to help move stuff. i have also explained about how the landlords wont fix things and that i have environmental and council involved. so i have taken steps and as i keep saying i dont have a wond i cant fix stuff just like that

Can't the father of your child do the heavy lifting?

im not with him

Do you have to swap beds? If your DD had a single, can you buy another cheap double at all?

i have a king size with memory foam mattress. she has a double with standard mattress. im not swapping with her

Why not swap beds? If hers is that bad you really should swap or buy another.

Schokolade - what matters isn't what the 'hardship' is, but whether the person being put to that 'hardship' thinks it is a hardship. You don't think it is a hardship, but that doesn't matter. What matters is that the OP's dd does think it's a hardship - are we saying her views and feelings should simply be dismissed?

I have older children (17, 19 and 21) and I do not assume I can use their rooms willy nilly. If they were really unhappy with me using their room, I would either have to find a way of negotiating with them so that they were happy, or I would have to find another option.

But I do also get how difficult teenagers can be - I have learned the hard way that you have to pick your battles, and you have to be wily and willing to find different ways to get them to do what you want them to.

In the OP's position, I would say, "OK, dd, I understand you don't want the football table under your bed. You can choose - either you help me get it upstairs and hide it in my room, or it will have to go under your bed, because I can't get it up there on my own. But if you decide you aren't happy for me to hide gifts in your room, then the same applies to my room, and you won't be able to hide any presents in there. Let me know what you decide."

sdt thats been done. she wanted it all ways. anyway its under her bed now and she has not said anything to me about it at all.

artandco no way am i swapping beds with her. nothing is worng with her bed its just standard. min in memory foam its my bed that i like that i find comfortable no way am i swapping :o