To store xmas presents in daughters room

[ghostspirit]

my daughters bedroom is down stairs. its what should be the dinning room. every xmas i have the same argument and moaning from her. getting fed up because its simple stuff. xmas things get hid all round the house mainly her room and my room. if its a heavy item more likely her room as i cant get it up the stairs. my sons game table just came its got pics all over the box. so defo needs to be hidden. she put it behind her curtain in her room. where patio doors are. my son will see it there as uses the patio doors to go into garden (back door is broken and cant be opend) anyway she says there is no room under here bed. just had a look theres an empty bin, shoes and an empty suit case so im sure there can be made some room. I know its really petty and stupid but its doing my head in because its simple stuff. struggling to get nice things for the kids make is a nice surprise for them to see their faces on xmas day. and she dont give a toss if the stuff gets seen. because she does not want stuff in her room.

I was thinking about saying to her firmly they are going to be in there weather she likes it or not so she might as well just stop moaning. tell her if she dont like it she can have the box room then the 4 year old can have her room

truely your 100% anyone could just walk in. where i live its several houses in a row. at the back is an alleyway there are big gets that are about 7/8 foot high. but still very risky.

theres not been any repairs done in the house for over 5 years. landlords put it all onto me saying i have to pay for them or i will be evicted. i then had to proove it was not down to me and that i had not caused the damage. this is why i called environmental heath. even though it was proven it was not my fault the council have paid the landlord 1400 to get the repairs done so that they can avoid me becoming homeless. That was paid about a week ago.

Have you thanked and apologised to your daughter for the inconvenience of having her privacy invaded multiple times a day?

I don't think she's being selfish at all. She wants her own space to be private like any 17 year old girl would. She's sacrificing that atm as it is without having to rearrange her stuff to hide presents you've chosen to buy knowing there's nowhere to store them. I feel sorry for her.

Yabu.

I feel for your daughter actually. I had a downstairs room with patio doors when I was a teen. The whole family seemed incapable of using the back door and all walked through my room regardless of what I was doing. And things got stored in my room too. And the icing on the cake, though I'm not saying it's the same in your house, I was also turfed onto the couch when we had guests...even if said guest was my older sibling. It's a horrible set up for a teenage girl as it allows her zero privacy. Why not swap rooms with her and eliminate this problem?

I know we all have different priorities, but mine would be fixing the back door (even if it IS the landlord's responsibility) rather than buying a games table. But others may disagree.

My teenage daughter would have gone totally insane if her brothers ever went into her room, so I think you are very lucky in having such a tolerant teenager actually.

thankyou dixie. landlords are paid direct so i cant.

YABU.

I feel sorry for your daughter. Doesn't sound like she's got any privacy at all.

She shouldn't be getting a choice. She is a child of the family and as such you get to have certain say in certain matters. Tell her it's happening and to go and throw her toys out of the pram, out of your earshot.

I'm with you ghost. Not a massive hardship to store a few presents is it? Sure the door's less than ideal but you know that! I wouldn't be fixing the door either.

drbonnie. i agree sort of. i dont think shes a child shes 17 so kind of inbetween. but i do think shes old enough to consider others. im quite sure when she buys a few bits for her bf she wont want him to know what it is and she would like to surprise him. She understands that part. funny how she dont understand it when its her siblings.

schokolade thank you. of course i know its not ideal but things in life like that happen sometimes. things break and need repairing im not in the position to do it and i should not have to. no way are my kids missing out on xmas stuff because my landlords are arses. and im not buying less smaller just to make my daughter happy

I might have objected as a teen, not sure! But if I had my mum would have lost no time setting me straight.

As an alternative, if things really aren't working out, is there a relative or friend nearby who might help you out with storage?

I buy and then wrap as soon as possible then they are never quite sure what they are getting if they do discover the parcels. plus they really don't want to know so being wrapped up reduces the clues significantly/ failing that can you ask a friend or relative to hold them for you.
PS .... she is being a bit selfish tbh

I know it wasn't the point of your OP, but I'm really pissed off for you that the council have paid your landlord directly to do the repairs when he's already pissed you about over them! Yours and everyone else's council tax funding that money lining his pocket

It sounds like things are difficult for you in some areas here, shitty landlord, problems in the house...

Ultimately, it's your house and a reasonable request so she has to toe the line but I'd go in softly to begin with and ask her to tell you why it's such a problem. Hopefully when discussed calmly she'll be too embarrassed to be unreasonable!

"I'm with you ghost. Not a massive hardship to store a few presents is it? Sure the door's less than ideal but you know that!..."

It easy to say that, when you aren't the one who has to put up with the 'hardship', though, schokolade.

Ghostspirit - why don't you talk to her and ask her for some alternatives to storing the big presents in her room. Maybe she could help,you carry them upstairs to your room, once her younger siblings are in bed.

I think, at 17, she needs a certain amount if respect for her privacy - it is her room. You wouldn't like it if she were deciding to store stuff in your room, and telling you you should be a bit more considerate, would you?

It sounds like you are approaching this in a very confrontational way - you might do better if she feels you are treating her like a grown-up, and that you understand her feelings about the invasion of her privacy - collaboration and negotiation instead of confrontation.

i have tried that SDTG. this has been going on for past few xmas. which is why im frustrated with her. she gets a few surprises still but not so many as she used to as she tells me what she wants. if i done what people suggested got smaller/less things i would have to do the same to her and how would she feel if she could not have her stereo system because the box is to big...

also shes 17 and really it was not that long ago that she was getting surprises.... she will want to hide things in my room when she buys her bf his presents.

she wont have any suggestions she will say duno and strug. with regards to helping me take heavy stuff up stairs. she has become a wimpy lady she cant do this she cant do that. she used to help me carry beds/wardobes all sorts up the stairs no its i cant do it....

someone said about use swapping rooms that is in the pipe line i did not do it before because we were going to be evicted and i was not willing to fuff about just to have to move it all again. also as i said above she dont want to help with stuff lately. my bed is a kingsize and when try and get it down the stairs i cant as base hits the slopping ceiling. it does not come apart. the wood has been sawn so it can fold in half and then i have to use screws to fix the fame again and it has a weird metal thing inside the base that has to bend and its really hard to do. i has to get my daughters friend to help me with the mattress because daughter would not.

Sorry Ghost, was probably coming off as a bit harsh but we all make little sacrifices and you are asking for her to do something for a very short period of time and really there's no big inconvenience to her.

I'd throw in a "ok, that's dine, I'm just a little disappointed". Give it half an hour and she'll see sense!

Or alternatively, "fine"!

lol drbonnie she wont lol it wont even enter her head. im going to but it in her room what ever. would just be nice not to have to listen to the comments all the time

I think I'd cope having a games table under my bed for a month SDTG!

Just wrap it in bin bags for now?

It is very important for teenagers to have their own space; emotionally; physically. I can see how she would think, "everyone traipses through my room all the time and now I have to have all their stuff in my room too." It must feel like she has no sanctuary, no space to herself. So, she reacts.

Knowing that, a solution is still needed. Why not have her come up with it? Ask her, "I'd like to store DB's stuff under your bed, that's the only thing I can think of. I know you don't want it there so where should we store it?". If she says, "dunno" and shrugs, then your solution is the one you have to go with. That's her choice, then.

YABU.