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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU ... to hate Christmas

35 replies

MN164 · 27/11/2014 13:07

The setting

  • winter, short days, cold and wet
  • too busy as everything builds through 25/12
  • work and social events mean very little quality family or partner time for a month or more
  • Xmas wasn't part of my childhood so I have no reminiscing fondness for it

The build up

  • Whilst I don't "believe", I like the idea of celebrating the birth of someone (real or not) that wanted to promote virtue, kindness and equality, because I like those qualities
  • Even when DP takes the kids to mass, the "ideal" of christmas is totally swamped, outplayed and stomped on by displays of greed, glutony and false generosity
  • Children actually learn "entitlement", unsurprisingly, from the expectation of gifts, usually far to many, the nature and quantity belittling the value of each gift. They probably understand the true meaning of Christmas, but it's not "real" to them, so its swamped by the very real present overload.
  • Other main features include killing a tree and a turkey, dressing the house up in shiny hydrocarbons and gorging on food whilst others starve, almost entirely forgotten

The personal nail in the coffin

  • It's the one time of the year I can guarantee my family are not invited.
  • DP and my family get on the rest of the year (sort of) but there is outright refusal to have them at Xmas. Asking results in complaint and even the "D" word has been used in the past.
  • We can have a house full of DPs family and friends whilst my family (3 people) are on their own together (not far away).
  • (PS - obviously there is history behind this - DP and an in-law have a frosty relationship which is totally outside my control!)

Obviously the last points are ones I should deal with, but everything altogether just makes me want to leave the house for those few days.

I'm not really looking for "counselling", just wanted to get it off my chest.

December might me my time for "mindfulness" courses I think Wine

OP posts:
Quitelikely · 27/11/2014 13:09

Grinch Grin

Lottapianos · 27/11/2014 13:12

Oh darling, wonderful OP, you are not unreasonable in the slightest! I feel exactly the same and we are a rare and fabulous breed. It so great to meet a kindred spirit!

I'm totally with you about the greed and materialism and the way that it gets shoved down your throat at every turn, so opting out doesn't really feel like a possibility. And its a desperately sad and painful time for many people, which just doesn't get acknowledged in the way that it should.

I adore mince pies and champagne though - so a box of the former and a bottle of the latter for you for starting this thread! You are not alone!

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 27/11/2014 13:12

YANBU - I wish it was cancelled this year.

Not too keen on it anyway as to me it highlights just how small my family is. I usually sit on the loo have a cry, then paint a smile on my face and get through the day with help of Mr Pinot Grigio.

This year will be even worse as me and my 'DH" have seperated so it will just be me and poor DS - I will make the day as nice as I can for his sake but really I'm dreading it.

When we were together my DH had big issues re seeing my family - one of the reasons I left in the end.

You are not alone OP - Xmas is not wonderful for everybody.

SunnyBaudelaire · 27/11/2014 13:16

yeh Christmas is shit - me and the kids have it alone while my dad and his wife have their lovely family christmas with their more important children'grandchildren.
meanwhile the old man goes down to the church to pray for those who are alone at Christmas.
you couldnt make it up.

Original poster
MN164 · 27/11/2014 13:17

Lovely lovely people thank you.

I feel better already knowing I'm not the only one.

I also feel a bit humbled by BSCR and should remember that the rest of my "year" is good and I am very lucky in many other respects.

I really hope you and your DS enjoy time together and there is plenty of joy, if not on the day, but before and after that.

OP posts:
Original poster
MN164 · 27/11/2014 13:19

SunnyB
Please accept the same sentiment from me too. Cross posted. So.

OP posts:
SunnyBaudelaire · 27/11/2014 13:21

Hang in there MN - I was going to send u wine and cake but cannot find the brackets on this keyboard

AbbeyBartlet · 27/11/2014 13:22

I absolutely loathe it. I don't even have a good reason, the day is usually okay.

But leading up to it, my depression gets worse, and I have been found sobbing at my desk at work! In my old place of work, they knew how I felt but thought it was sooooo funny to decorate my desk while I was out of the office - I went mad!

Just realised that this sounds totally irrational Blush

Lottapianos · 27/11/2014 13:24

It's not irrational at all Abbey. I suffer from depression too and Christmas is the hardest time of year for me. I feel such relief when January arrives and life can get back to normal.

My colleagues also find it amusing that I loathe Christmas so much. They have no idea of how painful it is for me. Maybe I should tell the buggers. They so completely would not get it though!

5Foot5 · 27/11/2014 13:26

Obviously I don't know the back story here but I couldn't help wondering, if, as you say, "Xmas wasn't part of my childhood" then presumably the rest of your family share your views.

So could this be the reason behind your DHs outright refusal to have them over at that time?

If he has lots of happy memories of Christmas then it is not unreasonable that he wants your DCs to have the same experience and he probably feels it is enough of an uphill struggle to manage that when their Mum is the grinch without piling on even more unseasonal attitudes from the rest of his ILs

hagarthorne · 27/11/2014 13:26

It's a money fest and a rip off and really, really greedy, I agree. I do like the lights at a dark time, and roast chestnuts and bread sauce. But it's not a bit like the adverts or a bit like in books, and I'd love it if it came every four years like the world cup. Or latest 24hours max like Easter.

You are not alone. It's a big commercial let's pretend that's got well out of hand. Every year we try and down play it and every year it doesn't really work. However, biggest part of budget this year has been homeless charities and ebola, so haven't forgotten them.

I like the 21st because after that the days start getting longer. Meanwhile shall get through on as enormous a pile of library books as I can carry home, dog walking, knitting and income tax return. Always like the cold sobriety of that last one on the 27th!!!

Good luck!

Lushlush · 27/11/2014 13:27

I find it very tiresome and it goes on forever. Ds who is now 9 enjoys the presents I give him but we start to feel cooped up after a week of being indoors! Childminder not working and getting bored and fed up inside the house pah.

This year however we are spending a few days away staying at a relative of ds's dad from Boxing Day so that will lift the monotony some. So hopefully won't be as boring or feel as protracted.

I have never liked Christmas it is a load of stuff and nonsense....!

Fallingovercliffs · 27/11/2014 13:27

YANBU. I like the whole idea of Christmas but it has just become so commercialised, manic and greedy. It's all about expensive presents, nights out, colour co-ordinated decorations etc and a lot of the simplicity and tradition has gone. It's just become a stress fest for a lot of people.

I think I'll start a campaign to 'bring back old fashioned Christmases'.

We'll start with a trip to a jumble sale and then we'll gather some pine cones to spray white Smile

Lottapianos · 27/11/2014 13:30

'It's a big commercial let's pretend that's got well out of hand'

Spot on hagarthorne. Its is completely out of hand and the hysteria gets worse every year.

Every 4 years would be more than enough!

I'm so looking forward to January when normal life resumes and as you say, the worst of the dark days are coming to an end.

outtolunchagain · 27/11/2014 13:37

I loathe it too , and it seems to be getting worse with each year .I could cry with the amount of stuff that needs to be done before hand and for what . We spend all of Jan and Feb recovering financially , although the relief I feel on Jan 5th is enormous .

punter · 27/11/2014 13:39

I so agree - you are obviously not alone in thinking this. The pressure of providing a perfect family is awful. And as we know hardly anyone's family is perfect.

Original poster
MN164 · 27/11/2014 14:15

5ft5

You are right. I have had the "it's DP family's tradition and beliefs but not my family's tradition and beliefs" explanation.

That amounts to ff you don't believe you're not invited - does strike me as a very "christian" sentiment though.

Maybe I shouldn't be there either? Hmm

OP posts:
stripeyleopards · 27/11/2014 18:09

I do like Christmas very much but I hate the endless 'what are you doing' questions. Left to my own devices with a box of celebrations and a glass of baileys I'd be quite happy!

TheHorseHasBolted · 27/11/2014 18:16

I don't hate Christmas as such but I could cheerfully ignore it if I was left to my own devices. I'm not at all religious, we don't get together with family at that time, and part of me has always wanted to get away from it all and have a perfectly normal day. I would certainly make it a lot shorter - two or three days of "festive behaviour" would be enough for me, really.

Frozenchipsareawful · 27/11/2014 19:04

Its all over hyped these days ( god i sound old .)

drudgetrudy · 27/11/2014 19:24

Have grown to dislike it. Have spent many years working hard to make it nice. Have had some tense times trying to keep different generations happy and some bloody horrible ones with big fallings out. Have become conditioned against it! Hate the office parties, commercialism etc but love trying to make it magic for kids-mixed feelings!

skolastica · 27/11/2014 19:31

I'd like it if it wasn't such a minefield...

Left to my own devices - go to every church carol service possible to sing my heart out, drink mulled wine outside, go for a long Christmas day walk, small turkey dinner in the evening. Candlelight only.

QTPie · 27/11/2014 19:43

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

VanitasVanitatum · 27/11/2014 19:46

How dare he exclude your family against your wishes! Surely it's your house too and you should at least have them alternate years?? I would love to spend every Christmas with my mum but can only see her every other year else it isn't fair on DP.

No wonder you hate Christmas!! I like the days off :D

Hatespiders · 27/11/2014 19:56

Christmas is a torture for lots of people, the bereaved, the newly divorced, those who live alone, those in hospital, the list goes on and on. It just seems that the so-called 'festive season' only serves to emphasise the pain.
Personally I love Christmas, but I'm very aware that it isn't jolly for many folk.