AIBU ... to hate Christmas

[MN164]

The setting

• winter, short days, cold and wet
• too busy as everything builds through 25/12
• work and social events mean very little quality family or partner time for a month or more
• Xmas wasn't part of my childhood so I have no reminiscing fondness for it

The build up

• Whilst I don't "believe", I like the idea of celebrating the birth of someone (real or not) that wanted to promote virtue, kindness and equality, because I like those qualities
• Even when DP takes the kids to mass, the "ideal" of christmas is totally swamped, outplayed and stomped on by displays of greed, glutony and false generosity
• Children actually learn "entitlement", unsurprisingly, from the expectation of gifts, usually far to many, the nature and quantity belittling the value of each gift. They probably understand the true meaning of Christmas, but it's not "real" to them, so its swamped by the very real present overload.
• Other main features include killing a tree and a turkey, dressing the house up in shiny hydrocarbons and gorging on food whilst others starve, almost entirely forgotten

The personal nail in the coffin

• It's the one time of the year I can guarantee my family are not invited.
• DP and my family get on the rest of the year (sort of) but there is outright refusal to have them at Xmas. Asking results in complaint and even the "D" word has been used in the past.
• We can have a house full of DPs family and friends whilst my family (3 people) are on their own together (not far away).
• (PS - obviously there is history behind this - DP and an in-law have a frosty relationship which is totally outside my control!)

Obviously the last points are ones I should deal with, but everything altogether just makes me want to leave the house for those few days.

I'm not really looking for "counselling", just wanted to get it off my chest.

December might me my time for "mindfulness" courses I think

I used to love it ,then I liked it and now I tolerate it and heave a sigh of relief when everything's back to normal.And I think it's because it starts earlier and earlier.I'd pass a law forbidding decorations ,Xmas music in shops and tv ads with Christmas themes before the month of December.Then I think the magic and goodwill I used to feel would return.It's just too much,too soon.
Earlier this week one of my clients gave me a Christmas card and present.On the 24th of November.Sounds ungrateful but I wanted to scream.It's too early !

I absolutely hate it: the endless build up more than the day. I'm on my own and have cashed in my Airmiles/Avios and I'm going to Amsterdam this year. Now just the next few horrible weeks to get through...

VanitasVanitatum

I hear a lot about the "alternate years", from other couples. We've never done it. Alternate years would be a compromise, but I don't understand it at all. Why can't both our parents/families come to us at the same time? That's what both a marriage and christmas should be about and include - the bringing together of two families.

It's almost as if the mother-in-law's would attempt to eat each other. It's ridiculous.

Sooty, that sounds like a lovely plan, I hope you enjoy it!

Hmm. Well my family and his both have animals that can't relocate (dogs horses cats) and both have big family Christmases; twenty or so at my mums and ten at my dps parents. They also live five hours apart!

I do agree it would be lovely to join up, we do it alternately because it's just not practical. To be honest I think your dh is being extraordinarily selfish not to invite them, I wouldn't be able to accept it personally. Can you not go to your parents and leave him behind if he won't come? Or just invite them and sod him?!

The 1974 (golly) Likely Lads Christmas Special echoes many of the sentiments on this thread. Terry Collier said, among other things, that Christmas was too commercial these days and it had all got out of hand. He also looked forward to Boxing Day when some semblance of normality returned. I know exactly what he meant all those years ago and I don't think anything has changed.

Ooh yes, me too!

I don't want to can it completely. Just want it to be less materialistic. Prep a couple of days before. Nice dinner. Little thoughtful and handmade presents wrapped in paper. You get might my drift. Like something out of a children's book....

I'm in my own little world.

I think the same. It's a lot more bother than it's worth. I wish it could be just a couple of days. Without all this build up in the shops for months before. I think fine to make it magical for children but otherwise I'd give it a miss.

Thank you Lotta.

My problem is that I get too excited in the build up and then feel strangely let down on the day itself.