To suspect family member of odd behaviour?

[GirlZippy123]

I don't know whether I am making something out of nothing here or whether to be concerned. My daughter goes to my mother in law's one day a week. My mother in law's other sun (I.e LO's uncle) also kind of lives there (he has own house but spends most of his time at his mums). He is not married, no gf or friends to speak of, no job, so basically does not socialise at all. He is a nice enough man though. However he does exhibit some strange behaviour, for example, he let LO climb into a fountain and totally submerge herself without thinking really to stop her. My MIL is switched on and does acknowledge that he is not capable of looking after a child, not based on this but based on other things.

So.....the other day, me and LO we're going through who she loves, eg mummy, daddy, grandma, grandpa etc - all of these she answered with yes. Then when it got to uncle --, age thought for a minute and shook her head saying no. My MIL has said to me before that she is a bit unsure around him, but she said its because he is a man, yet LO is fine with her daddy, my dad and my two brothers. I don't want to make a big deal out of it if it is something that toddlers do and obviously it would be very insulting to my partner's family to accuse him of something, particularly when there is no other evidence. Plus mil is providing free childcare so I don't want to appear ungrateful.

Well there's clearly something abnormal about this man. It doesn't mean he's evil or malicious, just that his behaviour is strange (which can be distressing to a child) and he appears to ignore boundaries and social conventions. That means he shouldn't be left alone with children - not because he is going to sexually abuse them, but because he is not able to be responsible for them.
As others have said, when your DD is a bit older, she may well become very fond of her 'unusual' uncle, but right now his self-esteem is a lot less important than your DD's comfort.

I would also add that many adults with SN of some kind, while lovely people, are not capable of being in sole charge of a small child. Just like slightly older children (eg 5/6/7) are not capable of being in sole charge of babies or toddlers for any length of time. They don't have the practical skills, life experience, impulse control or attention span to keep a small child safe and comfortable.

I totally agree solid!

Exactly. I am going to ask MIL that he stay away. I think she may actually understand.

I think you would be hugely out of order to do that. This is basically this mans home. He obviously gets great comfort for being there with his mum. He has no other company in his life. But so you can continue to avail of free childcare you are going to ask that he be barred from the house while your daughter is there?

I understand that you feel uncomfortable with him. However you have no basis for it except that DD doesn't like him. If you don't want her alone with him, you can certainly stipulate that (and use the fountain incident as back up for this)' but asking he stay away from his mothers home is too much, and overstepping.

If your discomfort is such that you don't want him around your daughter even supervised than you need to make alternative arrangements, not expect him to.

If you can't trust this man with your dog then perhaps time to urgently rethink the childcare.

He may just have slight autism (more Aspergers) fgs, what bullshit! Aspergers is not "slight autism"? Honestly, I cannot believe some of the crap people spout.

As soon as I saw odd behaviour in the thread title I knew there'd be an autism/Aspergers "diagnosis".

he might just not like kids and she feels that vibe from him

An your mil not come to yours to look after dd?

Trust your instinct!

he's already harmed the dog, broken into your home, allowed dd to swim in a fountain as a baby, and invades her personal space. A few too many red flags.

Absolutely this! I'm confounded by some of your other replies. The man plainly has no idea about caring for other people, animals or property and just barges around taking what suits him. I wouldn't identify him as an appropriate adult around your child.

It would be good to ask MIL to clarify 'invades personal space'. It rather sounds as though she has her own doubts about him - while she may not wish to expand, she might! Alternative arrangements seem to be in order, either way.

Not everyone with terrible social skills has ASD. It could be anything from mental retardation (I mean that strictly in the medical sense) to schizophrenia to a severe learning disorder. Lots of things make people act a bit off.

He may be dangerous, he may not be.

There's likely not an issue if MIL is there, as it's pretty clear he doesn't have the understanding to watch over a child. I'd just ask her not to leave her unsupervised with him, because he won't supervise her properly enough to keep her out of harm's way. But if you feel uncomfortable still, I'd put her in daycare with a impersonal excuse like you want her to have social interaction with children her age or something similar.

If you do decide it's safe enough to keep DD with MIL, just let her know that she is allowed to walk away from any situation she feels uncomfortable with and that she is allowed to tell him not to touch her. Make sure that she knows that she won't get in trouble for asserting herself, and make sure MIL knows that you gave her a talk about this.

In all honesty, most predators are usually charming and people the children actually like. Not people that scare them away.