To suspect family member of odd behaviour?

[GirlZippy123]

I don't know whether I am making something out of nothing here or whether to be concerned. My daughter goes to my mother in law's one day a week. My mother in law's other sun (I.e LO's uncle) also kind of lives there (he has own house but spends most of his time at his mums). He is not married, no gf or friends to speak of, no job, so basically does not socialise at all. He is a nice enough man though. However he does exhibit some strange behaviour, for example, he let LO climb into a fountain and totally submerge herself without thinking really to stop her. My MIL is switched on and does acknowledge that he is not capable of looking after a child, not based on this but based on other things.

So.....the other day, me and LO we're going through who she loves, eg mummy, daddy, grandma, grandpa etc - all of these she answered with yes. Then when it got to uncle --, age thought for a minute and shook her head saying no. My MIL has said to me before that she is a bit unsure around him, but she said its because he is a man, yet LO is fine with her daddy, my dad and my two brothers. I don't want to make a big deal out of it if it is something that toddlers do and obviously it would be very insulting to my partner's family to accuse him of something, particularly when there is no other evidence. Plus mil is providing free childcare so I don't want to appear ungrateful.

The self-esteem thing doesn't sound good. Don't let your MIL use DD as a way to raise uncle's self-esteem if it means ignoring DD's needs and feelings.

That's exactly what happened with the dog you see. Poor dog had a year of hell because of it.

The dog incident is very worrying and shows a complete lack of empathy. If he was so attached to the dog, why didn't he realise he was hurting it?Doesn't mean he's doing anything deliberately to upset your DD, but certainly a good reason not to allow him to look after her at all.

Who needs to consult with a qualified medical professional to make psychiatric diagnoses when you have aibu?
Shame on all of you who think you can diagnose Asperger's via second hand comments on an online forum.

OP, I think if you aren't happy that MIL will put your DD's needs first when she is minding DD, then you need to think about alternative childcare. Assuming MIL looks after DD while you work, can you look at nurseries/childminders and say that it's because you think DD needs to be round other DCs to avoid having the 'I think your son is not fit to be round my child' conversation...

Quite Correct Ralth everybody in real life said there was nothing different or unusual about me! Ha Ha.

The serious point is that until they/you have seen a Clinical Psychologist and had a report written, it is just guess work. Its is also quite possible that with a Diagnosis you/they could be diagnosed with other symptoms. I for instance did not know I was Dyslexic until after the consultation. I was diagnosed with Aspergers/ Dyspraxia/Dyslexia and a suggestion of Irlens syndrome. We can all guess but a proper diagnosis is required by professional people.

It really pisses me off smokepole that people, who I am assuming have no clinical psychology/medical qualifications can come on here and Dx ASD off a few lines of text. It is bloody pathetic. Even if a consultant psychiatrist uses MN they would be unable to Dx via an online forum. I find it quite discriminatory towards people who are genuinely on the autistic spectrum.

Of course no-one on here can tell if he has AS or any other condition, but it does sound as if he is socially inept and rather eccentric. I don't think you have any grounds for thinking he is harming her, but it would be preferable if it was your MIL who was in charge, not him.

It's ok for your dd not to feel close her uncle. But it does not sound like there is anything in it, he might be introverted and Mabey socially awkward, and feel uncomfortable around kids, nothing wrong with that. Everyone is different!

If you don't trust mil to look after your dd herself, don't send her round there alone!

I would be quite worried actually.

In that he's already harmed the dog, broken into your home, allowed dd to swim in a fountain as a baby, and invades her personal space. A few too many red flags.

Plus it sounds like mil puts his needs ahead of other's eg the self esteem stuff.

I may be being dense but what's wrong with swimming in a fountain?

Reading more of your posts it might sound like he could have mental health problems. Make it known to mil that if she is looking after dd, he is not to be there. If she can't promise that, than don't have her there.

I personally think there is nothing in it, he gas done nothing. He sounds extremely immature and childlike. But you have the right not to have dd there!

Thank you Ralth. It is also very discriminatory the attitudes towards Autistic people, to think that because "someone is different" he/she must be Autistic. I can guarantee any one on this site, if they met me in Real Life, they would think " I was normal" what ever that means. The reason being is that for the three or four hours I was out with them, I would use/develop a coping strategy to "appear " the same as others apart from being a bit "daft" at times. The real time when Autistic traits come out are either when you are on your own or with your "close" family. for the posters who assume some-one has to be Autistic because they let a child climb in to a fountain again that is discrimination based on prejudice and ignorance of Autism.

It's a good job MN exists what with the cuts to mental health services. Posters on here can dx and advise just as well as mental health professionals.

Ohmygod nobody is saying he has we are not dictirs or health professionals, he MIGHT have fgs. I dident know there was a censorship on here. His mum suspects he might have mental health issues, and she knows him the best I presume!

I may be being dense but what's wrong with swimming in a fountain?

I am assuming this wasn't actually a swim, op said he let her dd climb in the fountain and fully submerge herself.
Despite only being 17 months old, and it being unsafe, am also assuming she was fully clothed with it being November, its kind of chilly, poor little mite would have been frozen!

have goose bumps. By insisting they are not alone, you are not judging him, driving a wedge in the family etc. but protecting your child. You were right in a previous posting that the majority of victims ( 90% in US, not sure about UK) are abused by someone that their family likes and trusts. Probably a silly question, but could MIL be bribed to come to your house by herself instead of leaving her there?

On that basis you want to avoid mil as well and DH just incase

She does not say when it happened.

My kids dunk themselves in the fountain all the time, as long as they have age appropriate supervision it is no big deal, towels and dry clothing tend to fix wet people

I wish my mother had listened to me when I was a child.

Go with your instinct. Something is not right here.